6G Celicas Forums

there are two fish in a tank.

One fish turns to the other fish and says....

...Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?

A man works for a construction company and gets transferred to a project in the middle of the desert. The company transports the workers out to the desert from a nearby town where they stay for weeks on end. After a few nights in the desert, the man is really missing his regular attention from the ladies so he asks his supervisor if he could borrow a car to go into town. His supervisor replies that no vehicles are available and that someone would be there to pick the workers up in six weeks. The supervisor reminded the man that the nearest town was 50 miles away and offered his apologies to the man. Deflated, the man accepts the explanation and goes back to his tent.

Several days later, the urges are much greater so he approaches his supervisor again. Again, the supervisor gives the same response. Pleading, the man explains that he hasn't been with a woman in over a week and that if he does not have the opportunity to do so quickly, he is going to go crazy. The supervisor thinks long and hard and tries to size the man and his situation up. Finally, he says, come over here behind this tent. The man follows the supervisor. He says:

"Look, this kind of problem often happens to guys when they are out here." There are no women around here so we do what we have to relieve ourselves."

"What exactly do you mean?", says the man.

"Well" replies the supervisor in a very low voice, "if you get REALLY desperate, there is always that camel over there" wherein he points to a camel tied up to a cactus.

The man is astounded and offended but, because the suggestion came from his supervisor, he politely replied "I couldn't possibly" in the most respecful way. His supervisor replied: "Well if you ever change your mind, shes always tied up right here just for that purpose."

Several more weeks go by.

One night when everyone is asleep, the man can't sleep because of his excited condition and built up energy. He decides that he doesn't care anymore and that if other people had used the camel for pleasure, it must be ok. He jumps out of the tent, grabs an 8ft ladder and places it behind the camel. Once at the top, he pulls down his pants and starts to have his way with her. After only a few minutes, he feels like he is almost ready to explode. Just then, his supervisor walks out from around the corner of the tent and starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What? Am I doing something wrong?" asks the man. "No", replies the supervisor, "You are doing great. Its just that usually the boys just ride the camel into town."

LMFAO that ****'s f**kin funny jgreening..... lol.... imagine someone did that infront of you and actually enjoying the intercourse.... the camel must be having a orgasm lol....

KYEL HOLY CRAP! How are you? What have you been up to?

A millionaire was having a huge party at his estate. He stopped the
band from playing to make an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have
lived a full good life, and now challenge anybody here to a dare. I
will give up my estate to anybody who has the guts to jump into my third
swimming pool which holds two great white sharks, and swim across it. If
you can complete this stunt and live, the estate is all yours. At that
moment a big splash was heard, and everybody turned towards the third
pool to see the butler swimming feverously to the other end. Both sharks
were swimming towards him with their jaws open. The butler barely made out
alive. The surprised millionaire said, "Oh my God, you did it! I am a
man of my word, the estate is all yours! You're a rich man now. What do
you got to say for yourself, how about a few words?" The butler panting
hard answered, after catching his breath, "I just want to know which one
of you a$$holes pushed me in the pool"

A man walked into a quiet bar.

He carried three ducks, one in each hand and one under his
left arm. He placed them one beside the other upon the bar.

He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with
the bartender. The bartender was surprised, but experienced enough to have learned not to ask people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't mention the ducks.

They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man
with the ducks had to go to the restroom.

He left the ducks there on the bar. The bartender was alone with the ducks.

There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one
another. The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little conversation.
"Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck.
"Huey," replied the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of
puddles all day! What else could a duck want?" said the duck.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.
Then he said to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your
name?"

Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and
out of puddles all day myself. If I had the chance on another day I'd do the same again" said the duck in reply.
So the bartender turned to the third duck and
said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," SHE said, "my name is Puddles."

"And don't even ask what kind of day I've had."

Its sucha bad joke but what the hell.....

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

-He forgot to wrap his whopper....

Heheh.. I laughed my ass off th first time I heard that

A man enjoying a few drinks in a bar leaned over to the bar teneder and said "I bet you $500 that I can piss in that spitune across the room without spilling a drop." Since the man was obviously inebriated the bartender accepted his bet. The man proceedes to unzip his pants and let loose. He pissed all over the bartender, customers, strippers... etc. Everything was drenched by the time he was done. When he was finished he puts his junk away and forks over the $500 dollars with a huge smile on his face. The bartender, laughing hystericaly, happily takes the urine soaked cash from the man. As the man is walking away as happy as can be, the bartender asks "What are you so happy about? You just lost $500." The man replies "Yeah, but I bet my friend outside $1000 that I could walk in here and piss all over you and you wouldn't care at all."

Birth Control:
The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life, finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she has a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... And believe me, it helps me sleep at night!"

Johnny and Jenny
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In
Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough toget a job. You'll
need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenn makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Q: What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in a while, you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

No Disguise is Good Enough:
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

The Pharmacist:
This gal walks into the drugstore and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic.
He says, "What do you want with arsenic?"
She said "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with another woman."
The pharmacist says, "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband lady, even if he is having sex with another woman."
So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says "Oh, I didn't realise you had a prescription."

im good, how are you ryan?

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

One happy evening in the land of vegetation, a boy mushroom had a date with a girl mushroom. At around 7, the boy mushroom picked up his date and they headed to the movies. After that, the boy mushroom took the girl mushroom and they had pizza. The night ended with a a hug and a kiss. Upon reaching her doorstep, the girl mushroom says, "We should do this again. You're a real fungi."

Two sperms were swimming around. One says to the other, "Hey, are we to the fallopian tubes yet?" The other says, "Are you crazy? We're still in the esophagus."

One early weekday, Mr. Johnson decided to take his anatomy class to an interview with a well known and quite sucessful professor. The students arrived and gathered in a large group. The professor was displaying a corpse on a table.
"Listen well students. There are two things you must achieve in order to be as successful as I have been. First of all, you must never be afraid to do anything." Once he said this, he took his finger and shoved it up the anus of the corpse. He pulled his finger out and licked it. The students cringed. "Now class, I would like everyone to line up and do the same." Without a choice, the class lined up and one by one, they all repeated the same process. "Very well done. Now, the second most important thing you must remember, is to be observant. If you were watching closely, I stuck my index finger up the anus, but licked my middle finger."

why did the chicken cross the road???



-to get $5 from her babies daddy!!!!!

A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”

The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“

She asks, “What’s that?”

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”

what is so good about 29 year olds?






there is 20 of them.

A cow, a chicken, and a goat walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Oldies but goodies:

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a tiny steering wheel sticking out of his pants. When the bartender inevitably comments on the tiny steering wheel, the pirate says, "Aarrrr - it's drivin' me nuts!"

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with a duck on his head. The psychiatrist asks, "May I help you?"
The duck says, "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"

A man wrapped completely in Saran wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office. The doctor says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

This post has been edited by shaunrichard: Jul 10, 2008 - 9:21 AM

If Nissan Motorsport International Limited is NISMO then what is Honda Motorsports?





















HOMO

wouldnt it be HONMO?

aggghhh dude you ruined it.. lolz