Women, Is it all of them? Options

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

I'm upset with my girlfriend right now. I've been with her for 4 years now, and she still doesn't understand my passion for cars. You can all read what I've bought for my car in my info. It isn't much. But for some reason she thinks I buy stuff for it all the time. I was telling her I was thinking about bidding on a header online for my car and she got really mad at me. She said, "you don't even need a header, why are you wasting your money?" I just had a birthday, and I felt I should be aloud to maybe buy myself something for a birthday/chirstmas present. I've talked to everyone else in my life, friends and grandpa and mother. They all say, "it's your money, and if that's what you want to spend it on it's okay." I told my girlfriend that all those people said that, but it didn't matter really, because it doesn't matter what anyone else said she is the most important person in my life I can't do something unless she says it's okay. I can't stand her being mad at me. I told her I felt like she's controllling sometimes because she gets mad at me if I don't do exactly what she wants. She got mad at me and told me to spend my money on whatever I wanted and stop caring about what she thought, and it was irritating what I was doing. It feels like no matter what I do, she's mad at me and I can't make her happy. I love her. How do I get her to understand me, and except me?

[ILuvMyCelica95]

wow... that is controlling.

IMHO i think this is a silly statement " I told my girlfriend that all those people said that, but it didn't matter really, because it doesn't matter what anyone else said she is the most important person in my life I can't do something unless she says it's okay."

You should be allowed to do what you want with your money. Unless you are doing something stupid like buying hookers and drugs (yes i exaggerate to prove a point) then it really doesn't concern her if you spend money on your car. That's really ridiculous. Yes she can have an opinion on what you are buying but she should not feel that she has the right to tell you that you can't buy or do something. Do you do that to her?

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

You should be allowed to do what you want with your money. Unless you are doing something stupid like buying hookers and drugs (yes i exaggerate to prove a point)

I think she sees buying car parts as being just as bad as me spending it on drugs or hookers. I don't drink, I don't party, I don't do anything wrong besides the ocassional driving to fast.

Do you do that to her?

No, I try to support her in everything she does. She doesn't really have any hobbies, so anytime she gets interested in something, I try to support it. The only time she's ever considered spending the same amount of money on something is the time she bought a tredmill. I stent weeks driving her all over the place to find one she was happy with. She also got interested in painting for a bit, she kinda still is. I've tried to support her all I can in that too. I would do anything for this girl, I've always been that way.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I dated a guy who was into cars and even worked on them for a living and you think I should know what a car can mean to someone but I still would get irritated cuz I wanted him to focus that much attention on me! Maybe she just wants to feel like you want her as much as you want your car! Go buy her some flowers and let her know youre thinking of her!

[jayi12-15psi]

well, the worst thing you could have done in that situation was call her controlling. When she heard you say that she most likely just equated it to you calling her a bitch.

My general opinion of situations like this: you spend years dating and although you spend money on each other, it shouldn't be about that. She shouldn't have that much of an idea of what portion of your money you're spening on her. I'm not saying she dosen't deserve nice things, but it seems like she thinks you guys share a bank account and she deserves half. I don't think she has a right to complain about what you spend money on until you're married with a joint checking account.

So, to sum it up, tell her she's worth more to you than material possessions and ask her why you don't mean the same to her.

personally, if a woman ever bitched at me about how I spend MY money, I would dump her immediately, but I tend to be a little extreme in such matters.

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

I dated a guy who was into cars and even worked on them for a living and you think I should know what a car can mean to someone but I still would get irritated cuz I wanted him to focus that much attention on me! Maybe she just wants to feel like you want her as much as you want your car! Go buy her some flowers and let her know youre thinking of her!

I buy her flowers all the time. I spend a good bit of money on her in my opinion. I told her anything she wanted for christmas I would get her, as long as I could afford it. I've gotten her somewere around $1500 in jewlery since we started dating. And I've had my car for 2-3 of those years. I try to get her something at least once a week to let her know I care about her. Sometimes I don't have the money to buy a nice necklace or something like that, but I try to get her something.

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

well, the worst thing you could have done in that situation was call her controlling. When she heard you say that she most likely just equated it to you calling her a bitch.

So, to sum it up, tell her she's worth more to you than material possessions and ask her why you don't mean the same to her.

For the first part, she gets pretty defencive when I say something like that. She did start calling me an ass**** shortly after that.
For the second part, I don't understand that. How do you think that she thinks matterial possesions are more important than me?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

hmm..she will cool down! you guys dont share bank accounts so right now you can spend your money on what you please! :-)

[jayi12-15psi]

I think she should care enough about you to not care how much money you spend on her. Flowers are nice, and so are jewlery, but any guy can get any girl that kind of stuff. Cook her a nice dinner, do something creative, go ice skating for christ sake, they love that kind of stuff. The best thing is to surprise her with something romantic, and more thoughful than flowers. After four years, I'm willing to bet you guys don't do to many romantic things anymore. She most likely wants you to give her your attention, and if she wants things more than your attention, kick her ass to the curb.

[Mike]

I'm upset with my girlfriend right now. I've been with her for 4 years now, and she still doesn't understand my passion for cars. You can all read what I've bought for my car in my info. It isn't much. But for some reason she thinks I buy stuff for it all the time. I was telling her I was thinking about bidding on a header online for my car and she got really mad at me. She said, "you don't even need a header, why are you wasting your money?" I just had a birthday, and I felt I should be aloud to maybe buy myself something for a birthday/chirstmas present. I've talked to everyone else in my life, friends and grandpa and mother. They all say, "it's your money, and if that's what you want to spend it on it's okay." I told my girlfriend that all those people said that, but it didn't matter really, because it doesn't matter what anyone else said she is the most important person in my life I can't do something unless she says it's okay. I can't stand her being mad at me. I told her I felt like she's controllling sometimes because she gets mad at me if I don't do exactly what she wants. She got mad at me and told me to spend my money on whatever I wanted and stop caring about what she thought, and it was irritating what I was doing. It feels like no matter what I do, she's mad at me and I can't make her happy. I love her. How do I get her to understand me, and except me?

Get a new girlfriend

/problem

[jayi12-15psi]

yeah, **** that noise.

[soulshadow]

Wow! Have you bought a present for her lately??
When you spend more for the car and less for the woman.
It just means that you love the car more than the woman.
I think she is jealous of the car cause-

1.) She can cat-fight with the car and end up losing
2.) She can bitch at the car and the car won't bitch back so she feels stupid
3.) The car will never ever cheat on you!
4.) The car is your slave!

Just tell her that if she can do what the car can do, then you will stop spending so much on the car.
And why would you need headers for the celi? None of them will bolt right on without wielding.

[jayi12-15psi]

My car is jealous of my new g/f, I spend so much time with her that my car has begun to rebel. Ever since we started going out, something breaks on my car an average of twice a week.

[Verde97]

My friend, I am in the same boat (so to speak).

I'm married, and my wife hates that I spend money on the car. Granted I have done a lot with it, see profile for mods. She will put down the Celica at any given time, for no reason. What I do: ignore it. Keep spending the money because it's your money. To cool her off (because I think she's a little hyped up), I would cook her a nice dinner, just the two of you, and sit and talk about life and where you want her to go with you, and where you want to go with her. I'm assuming that you want to stay with her.

Remember, everything happens for a reason.

[jayi12-15psi]

My friend, I am in the same boat (so to speak).

oh, I thought you were in his boat, I was like wtf is he doing there? lol

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

Wow! Have you bought a present for her lately??
When you spend more for the car and less for the woman.
It just means that you love the car more than the woman.
I think she is jealous of the car cause-

1.) She can cat-fight with the car and end up losing
2.) She can bitch at the car and the car won't bitch back so she feels stupid
3.) The car will never ever cheat on you!
4.) The car is your slave!

Just tell her that if she can do what the car can do, then you will stop spending so much on the car.
And why would you need headers for the celi? None of them will bolt right on without wielding.

LOL, I do love my car a lot. She's my baby. But I spend at lest 3 times as much, maybe up to 5, on my girlfriend than on my car. That's not including gas and oil. I don't think it's about her being jealous. I think it's just about her not understanding that I love my cars, and it brings me alot of pleasure to upgrade them. I'm the kinda guy who would rather buy a car for $5K and spend $25K making it better, than to ever buy a $30k car. Cars were in my life before her. She hated the car I drove when I started dating her. I loved that car. Car had no radio, no power steering, no a/c, no backseet, loud exhaust, it was snappy and jerky to drive, had no sound deffinning matterial anywere and was loud to drive or ride in. It also had a good bit of money in the motor/suspension. I gave it up for the Celica, because she liked it. I've held resentment towards her since for making me get rid of that car. I'd just like to make the Celica 1/2 as fast as it was.

[jayi12-15psi]

what was it?

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

what was it?

Geo Storm GSi. Care for a list of mods? My uncle helped me a good bit with it, so I can't take all the credit. You'd really be surprised the amount of parts you can actually buy for those things, espesically when you swap a 1.8 Impulse motor and build it from ground up.

[jayi12-15psi]

I'm not surprised, once I was at a local performance shop ordering suspension parts and a guy came in and ordered 3g worth of turbo kit stuff for his festiva, nothing surprises me anymore.

sure, a list of mods would be cool

[ILuvMyCelica95]

oh and to answer the question. No it is not all of us. My car > guys.

[Celica_Fan]

no power steering or a/c or radio or backseat how the hell did you cope???

[Verde97]

My friend, I am in the same boat (so to speak).

oh, I thought you were in his boat, I was like wtf is he doing there? lol

ok funny guy

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

I'm not surprised, once I was at a local performance shop ordering suspension parts and a guy came in and ordered 3g worth of turbo kit stuff for his festiva, nothing surprises me anymore.

sure, a list of mods would be cool

I had a balanced crank, new rods, bigger pistons, ported and polished head, everything not nessisary removed, some kind of chip, stage 2 clutch, lightened and balance flywheel, Isuzu Impulse rear disk brakes, pacesetter header, bosch platnum 4 plugs, front and rear strut bars, full 2 inch strate through exhaust with no muffler, custom short shifter, racing steering wheel, removed plastic and carpet some times. All weight that could have been taken off the car was. Some things I know more about than others. Work was done by NAPA, on crank and port job. It was chipped, or so the guy said, before I got it. He blew the motor, so we just put another 1.8 liter in it. My uncle did all the motor work then, I had no clue how to do that stuff back then. I forgot it had ebach pro lowering springs. I kept the stock 15inch wheels. Same size and the Celica's. It was 205/50/15 on the tire though. Shifted at 7500rpm, and pulled hard hear too. It felt like it had more, but it would bounce off the limiter. Had a CAI too. There's probably more I forgot. I'm not sure.

no power steering or a/c or radio or backseat how the hell did you cope???

I was as happy as a bug in a rud in that car. It was so fast and so light. Boy, it sucked in the winter though. It took me 25 min to get to school in the mornings, and the car had no defrost either. lol, that was pretty sucky about it.

EDIT: Girlfriend and I talked about it. Neither one of us is mad now. I'm not sure were we got to. I think her understanding is a little better now. We'll see. I'll bring this thread back up if it happens again.

This post has been edited by Bigmeanbulldog55: Nov 28, 2005 - 11:13 PM

[95CelicaST]

This is just like my g/f. She complains when I buy things for my car. I got a screw in my tire, and since I was looking to buy new wheels and stuff, I did just that. She gets mad at me. She even gets mad when I buy oil

"You dont need oil! You are waisting your money!!"
I can't wait when I tell her I am getting new shocks, she'll be like "You dont need that. Do whatever you want with your money blah blah blah."

Women do that, ya know? If they don't want you to do something they will tell you to go and do it. sometimes, just to piss her off, I'll go ahead and do it.


off topic, but my g/f told me this story of a girl in her Government class who thought that we had a President Rushmore, and thats how we got Mt. Rushmore.. and that Grover Cleveland made the game "red rover"..

[95gtschick]

I've been with my boyfriend (fiance... ) for 4 years now as well! He has a HUGE passion for cars. I do too, as most of you know, but when i see him spending money on his car, like, carelessly (as in, he thinks about it for 2 minutes and buys something that's like $5k) then i get upset. Mainly because we're getting married, and can't afford to keep spending on our cars. But then he says he wants to spend what he can, while he can, before we're married. Ok, good point. But we still need to save money.

When you get to the point where you want (if you want) to marry this girl, i think you'll see how she stands. If she's like most girls, she's more than likely thought about marrying you, and she is probably worried how in the future you might spend all this money on your car, if not more, all over again. I'm sure the last thing she wants is to upset you, she's probably just a little worried about your "spending habits" and doesn't see all the good things that you do for her because she's blinded by the so-called "bad".

Give her time, and as i read, things are good now. But i can bet you $500 this conversation between you 2 will come up again and again, it sure did for my fiance and me, but we're over with that now. We've basically made a budget, and realized if we keep spending the way we do, we're not gonna be happy when we get married, living in a ****ty house, not being able to have ANY money left over, etc...

Just TRY to look at it from her point of view. I really understand your situation though, being as though i was in the same position as your girlfriend. It's kinda rough seeing a lot of money being put into a car, when you've been with the guy for years and he says he loves you. Especially if you don't have the same passion for cars.

I think you guys will be fine, as long as you can compromise.

Have a good day!

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

This is just like my g/f. She complains when I buy things for my car. I got a screw in my tire, and since I was looking to buy new wheels and stuff, I did just that. She gets mad at me. She even gets mad when I buy oil

lol, This reminds me so much of her. I catch crap from her everytime I change my oil. And in response to 95gtschick, if you'll read my profile, you'll see I haven't ever dropped $5k on anything. I"ve wanted a header for my car since I got it. I really budget my money. She came over to talk to me last night, and you know what she did? She spent $25 on frozen meat from a traveling salesmen. I though, "What the heck?" She was pitching a fit when I wanted to buy an accord CAI off ebay, and said it was a waste of my money. So, she cooked some of it last night and found out it was horrable, and now she has a big box of it. She tells me that one day when we're married and have enough money to spend, then she'll be okay with me spending it on my car. But if she complains about me spending $25 on a CIA, or even changing my oil, I'm not sure she'll ever lighten up to the point that she's going to half to.

[95gtschick]

well, stand up to her. if you've been together that long you should be able to do what you want, without her complaining or getting upset. being in a relationship that serious, you need to come to a "Happy medium" with spending... she has to understand that.

[1900WattCelica]

Yeah she might just be trying to look out for you. If you live paycheck to paycheck and most of your extra money goes to the car then she just doesnt want to see you get in debt. Sounds like she is pretty smart with her money.

I know my g/f got on me about that stuff. So I made a budget to show Im responsible and began a money market account and took out a CD. Once I surpassed her savings she doesnt say anything anymore. Even with the 2000 or so I will be spending on bodywork and body pieces, I have 4 times that much in investments so I am justified.

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

Yeah she might just be trying to look out for you. If you live paycheck to paycheck and most of your extra money goes to the car then she just doesnt want to see you get in debt. Sounds like she is pretty smart with her money.

She is smart with her money, but you could also call her cheap. I'm telling you, look at my profile. I've had the car for 3 years now, and those are all the mods I have. I don't spend much of anything hardly.

[Valo666]

hehehe...im lucky..my gf used 2 b like that, then i she started to like my car more n more n now shez givin me suggestions on what i should do next. Shez tellin me i should get either JDM tails, GT4 spoiler or a front lip. But yea, she used 2 b like that. She thought i spent more time on the car than i did on her. She used to get pissed when i would go blow every cent of my paycheck on the car and not have $ to take her out 4 dinner or somethin. I say get ur gf to relize that ur car is ur passion. To get it through to my gf, this is what i did. I told her "You like to shop right?" She said yes, and told me its how she gets away from the world and relives stress. I told her "well, ok, u like to shop to get rid of stress, i like to work on the car. U spend $70 on a pair of jeans, i spend $70 on a strut bar and new light bulbs for my gauges." Explain to her that she spends time n $ on her hobies, u do too. Tell her that u guys arent married, u dont share the $, its urs and if she doesnt like u spending it the way u spend it, then tough luck. Next time she goes out n spend a crap load of $ on an expensive peice of clothin or cosmetics or somethin give her **** for it. My ex was the same way, she said i was stupid for spending as much $ as i did on my BMX when she was the one who spent $60 on LIPGLOSS.

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

Valo, I've tried to compare the two. She really just doesn't get it. Her reasoning behind it is, "Would I like if if she would wear crappy cloths all the time, never wear makeup, or wear perfume." And she says she doesn't care if I have a nice car or not. She isn't like most girls when it comes to that. She wants it to be clean and to run, and that's it. She really doesn't understand the money it takes just to keep one on the road. Man, you should see her car. It's the biggest POS ever. I can't believe it even moves. She complains about her car all the time, but if I say, "well, let me fix it." She comes back with, "That's a waste of money." It stems from her dad too. He's told me a few times, "It's just wasting money to do anything to a car, you'll never get it back out of it." So, they never really "fix" anything on there cars. They just let them run down. Her mom bought a new car, so now she's the only one not driving a ghetto rigged piece of crap in their family.

[BlackSTX]

Just responding to topic, without even reading your post:

Yes, it's all of them.

[1900WattCelica]

Man, you should see her car. It's the biggest POS ever. I can't believe it even moves. She complains about her car all the time, but if I say, "well, let me fix it." She comes back with, "That's a waste of money." It stems from her dad too. He's told me a few times, "It's just wasting money to do anything to a car, you'll never get it back out of it." So, they never really "fix" anything on there cars. They just let them run down. Her mom bought a new car, so now she's the only one not driving a ghetto rigged piece of crap in their family.

Thats funny, my g/f is very good with her money and it too is because her dad is very uptight about spending money. She too was drivign around a pile of crap that cost alot to keep running, but she got sick of it and ditched it and spent most of her savings on a 96 civic for 5200. Her dad was mad cuz she spent too much money lol. People need to realize too that you get what you pay for.

[celicarocker]

im going to make my own lunar landing site. with hookers. and blackjack. forget the blackjack.




sorry i didnt read past the first 3 posts. i just saw a comment about hookers and drugs and that popped in my head. nobody prolly knows what it is lol.

[Celica_Fan]

Yep most are all like that mean and controlling and sometimes they get really bitchy for no reason at all and don't want to speak to you. Damn women.

[Cutrara]

im going to make my own lunar landing site. with hookers. and blackjack. forget the blackjack.




sorry i didnt read past the first 3 posts. i just saw a comment about hookers and drugs and that popped in my head. nobody prolly knows what it is lol.

Futurama.

And to Bulldog, when you buy stuff for your car, don't tell her. How the hell will she know if you buy a new header? If you change the oil, don't tell her. I know you love your car but don't talk about it. Ever. Talk about her all the time.

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

And to Bulldog, when you buy stuff for your car, don't tell her. How the hell will she know if you buy a new header? If you change the oil, don't tell her. I know you love your car but don't talk about it. Ever. Talk about her all the time.

Best idea yet. This is what I will do. I'm just going to get what I want and not tell her. Honestly, she doesn't know jack crap, and she'd never figure out I have any mods at all. She thinks my car is full of them now because I work on it all the time. Working on a car doesn't mean I'm putting a performance part on it. New brake rotors are not nessisarily performance parts.