 CALLING IN SICK, I don't think anyone can top this |
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 Mar 23, 2006 - 2:26 PM
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 Enthusiast  Joined Nov 6, '03 From Campbellsville, Ky. Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%)  |
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey, the garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this?  Yes, this is a joke and did'nt happen to me. --------------------  |
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Mar 23, 2006 - 2:28 PM
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Enthusiast Joined Jun 25, '05 From Fort Wayne, IN Currently Offline Reputation: 14 (100%) |
Classic!
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Mar 23, 2006 - 3:52 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Sep 23, '04 From Ohio Currently Offline Reputation: 4 (100%) |
pretty good man!
it could happen to ne one, and im glad im not a cat fan! lol --------------------  |
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Mar 23, 2006 - 5:33 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Feb 8, '05 From Cambridge, ON, Canada Currently Offline Reputation: 1 (100%) |
bahahahahha it was hilarious up until when you said it wasn't true!
 its now been officially ruined! -------------------- lissa | 1997 Celica Convertible
*My other ride is your boyfriend* ;)  |
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Mar 23, 2006 - 5:38 PM
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Enthusiast Joined Nov 6, '03 From Campbellsville, Ky. Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%) |
QUOTE(lil_lissa @ Mar 23, 2006 - 5:33 PM) [snapback]412057[/snapback] bahahahahha it was hilarious up until when you said it wasn't true! its now been officially ruined! So your saying you would rather my boys had been catnabbed?
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Mar 23, 2006 - 5:48 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Aug 31, '02 From Philadelphia, PA Currently Offline Reputation: 8 (100%) |
no ****ing way! lol
-------------------- 15PSI - 30MPG - Megasquirt Tuned
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Mar 23, 2006 - 6:15 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Jun 4, '04 From Northern New Jersey Currently Offline Reputation: 2 (100%) |
lol thats pretty funny
bboy --------------------  ..(formerly daily driven) 3S-GTE powered celica currently set @ 12psi.. |
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Mar 23, 2006 - 6:24 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Dec 8, '05 From torrance/carson, ca Currently Offline Reputation: 11 (100%) |
lol... thank god it wasn't true. i could care less about the head injury part. if something happened to my manhood, it'd be the end of the world for me. i'm not letting that pussy (cat) get anywhere near my manhood.
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Mar 24, 2006 - 1:50 AM
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Enthusiast Joined Jan 6, '06 From Tennessee Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%) |
Wow. Thank you for making my evening.
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Mar 24, 2006 - 2:14 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Jun 21, '05 From New york Currently Offline Reputation: 1 (100%) |
 that was one of the funniest things i have ever read. Very off topic though!! bigal -------------------- 1994 celica GT.....3sgte in a month! all helpers are welcome!!! i live in Plattsburgh, NY.
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Mar 24, 2006 - 2:39 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Jul 14, '03 From Jacksonville, FL Currently Offline Reputation: 2 (100%) |
HAHAHAHA.
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Mar 24, 2006 - 2:55 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Feb 5, '05 From pineapple under the sea Currently Offline Reputation: 9 (100%) |
Simply awesome. That made my day.
-------------------- 1991 MR2 - T-tops - Crimson Red - Gen3 3SGTE - Lots of money
 I'm not really an asshole, but I play one on the internet. **** Photobucket |
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Mar 24, 2006 - 11:06 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Jun 13, '05 From Poughkeepsie, NY Currently Offline Reputation: 2 (100%) |
omg i actually laughed lol
--------------------  Kawi Love |
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Mar 24, 2006 - 11:14 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Aug 29, '02 From San Diego CA Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%) |
HAHAHHAHAA greatest story ever! this story tops the celica beats hemi story as far as funny goes.
P.S. im glad your ok. |
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Mar 25, 2006 - 4:24 AM
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Enthusiast Joined Aug 31, '02 From Virginia Currently Offline Reputation: 4 (100%) |
Did YOU make that story up? If so, that is a good one. Look forward to more stories like that.
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Mar 25, 2006 - 4:52 AM
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Enthusiast Joined Nov 6, '03 From Campbellsville, Ky. Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%) |
QUOTE(Celicav @ Mar 25, 2006 - 4:24 AM) [snapback]412956[/snapback] Did YOU make that story up? If so, that is a good one. Look forward to more stories like that. No, it was emailed to me and it was so funny I had to share it with you guys and gals. -------------------- |
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Mar 27, 2006 - 7:55 PM
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 Enthusiast Joined Aug 17, '03 From Bloomington, Indiana Currently Offline Reputation: 62 (98%) |
wow that was pretty friggin funny
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