BUNCH OF BS, Need someone to talk to...... Options

[celiracer]

I really need someone to talk to right now. I've been dating my g/f for 3 1/2 years. And I just found out that she has feelings for someone else. She says that she doesn't know what she wants right now. And doesn't know if she wants me or this other person. I have no idea what to do. I love her so much, and she means everything to me. She also says that she still cares for me and still loves me. But doesn't know what to do. what should i do? And what does everyone else think about this situation?

[FoREpLayAX]

My rule of thumb my entire life, never be a choice. If she wants/thinks she wants someone else, then you become an option and not THE option. Just how I've always looked at it.

[x_itchy_b_x]

give her time, dont pressure her, if you let her go and she comes back then shes yours. if not then realize life is long and you have plenty of time to deal with girls later. something like that.

[manphibian]

give her time, dont pressure her, if you let her go and she comes back then shes yours. if not then realize life is long and you have plenty of time to deal with girls later. something like that.

^^^ good advice, imo you need a break. If it's meant to be she'll realize and come back, and that way you will know for sure that she wants you. Otherwise you will always be wondering.

sometimes people think the grass is greener elsewhere, but soon find that it isn't.

[fastgt]

If my gf told me that after our 5 years together, i would let her go...if shes not happy enough, and she starts thinking about other guys obviously shes not the one for me

[cHinaman727]

give her time, dont pressure her, if you let her go and she comes back then shes yours. if not then realize life is long and you have plenty of time to deal with girls later. something like that.

^^^ good advice, imo you need a break. If it's meant to be she'll realize and come back, and that way you will know for sure that she wants you. Otherwise you will always be wondering.

sometimes people think the grass is greener elsewhere, but soon find that it isn't.

i would hate that. having to think about the girl you spend the majority of your time thinking about, being with someone else is too much to bear.

If my girlfriend told me she had feelings for someone else, I would have to give her the boot though. Be glad she told you outright.
---

In response to itchy, I think hes right about the no pressure bit, but as far as giving her time, I think that is wrong.

3.5 years is a LONG time, but there are 1002314702173817239816049619823961312312 more women out there. Many probably will make you happier than her.

[axelrduvirage]

how old are you?

15-18...walk away
18-21...ask her what she wants of you
21-25...walk away
25+...ask her what she wants of you, then walk away laughing

relationships are meant to be tried and swapped and retried.

[Jlacker3]

All good advice...but I think you should walk away. You may not want to because you'll feel like you've wasted 3 1/2 years. You havent though! You gotta look at everything in life as an experience that builds your character and can make you a better person. That's how people get wise!

If you two were truly in love she wouldn't even be questioning your relationship. I've dated girls. And I've been married now for over a year. Someone will come along that will realize they'll want to be with you forever no questions asked (unless one of you cheats on each other) which, in my eyes, your GF is doing.

She also could be saying she loves you and cares about you b/c she wants to keep you around if her new interest doesn't turn out...

It's ultimately up to you...but remember if she is interested in someone else now, what is going to stop her from being interested in someone else later down the line. That's an immaturity issue. TRUST ME, if you hang around your just gonna be putting yourself in for more hurt.

Dont' ever EVER let a girl mean EVERYTHING to you. I love my wife to death. But if something ever happened to me I would want her to have someone else and she is the same way about me. She's 9 months pregnat with our 1st child. We put God first, each other/family, then work. There are tons of ways to occupy your time to get your mind off of her.

The bottom line is "she doesn't know what she wants right now" which means "she doesn't know if she wants to be with you anymore" People "love and care" for their mother's. If she "doesn't know what to do", then she doesn't really love and care for you in the same way you do anymore.

Just walk away, man. It'll be hard at first, but way worth when you meet a girl that is actually COMPLETELY in love with you.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely
Dr. McLovin
(lol j/k)

[m0dd3d1]

how old are you?

15-18...walk away
18-21...ask her what she wants of you
21-25...walk away
25+...ask her what she wants of you, then walk away laughing

relationships are meant to be tried and swapped and retried.

Harsh.

Dude, you've been with her for 3 1/2 years, that's a long time. People get bored with each other and they want something new and exciting. If she's thinking about someone else, then she just wants something new. If you guys go on a break or split, she'll go find that something new, and then come back to what feels comfortable. You. That's my experience. Also my experience: you'll probably not be there to pick her back up again, but don't worry, it's not your fault. At that point you can say: F-her.

She pretty much boned herself, b/c now you can't really trust her after this b/c you'll never know if there is someone else, even when she says there's not.

This post has been edited by m0dd3d1: Sep 4, 2007 - 7:08 PM

[xs94st]

if she has feelings for someone else..IMHO give her the boot. or, yall can just take a 'break' n see wtf happens. i duno how i would feel if my gf had feelings for another person. honestly, i duno what you should do. spontaneity is something that a relationship should have so that neither of you get bored or start looking elsewhere. how did she meet this other person? did she try to look for someone else? or did it all just happen? you gotta talk to her n figure out what she wants cuz if she truly wants to be with the other person, you should just let her go.

x2 for itchy n china. i believe that if a girl needs to think about it, no problem. but time just makes it harder for both of you

3.5 years is a long time.



if you are young.

if you are 30 or older, i guess you should try n keep the peace n stay together. if you are younger, its all good. 3.5 years outta your entire life..its a speed bump, sayin its time to slow down n try other shiite out. im only 20. i got my gf. she wants to marry me. i want to marry her. but hell, who knows.

shiite happens man, you just gotta wipe it off n keep on truckin.

lol. i want to click add reply but i cant cuz im trynta think of some more stuff..

i think you should ask yourself, 'can i see myself married to this girl for the rest of my life? with kids? gettin old together?'

[Blakout16]

its okay, just tell yourself she's the older model - trade her in for a new'er sexier looking one. they have higher resell value.

[FreddyTheOthaMea...]

Id split, if she really loved you then another guy wouldnt even be a factor.

[giang723]

just have some quiet time to yourself and have a think over the current situation, only you know what you need to do, sometimes it might be best to follow your brain than to follow your heart.



on a lighter note, did i say your car is awesome? wanna trade with mine?

This post has been edited by giang723: Sep 4, 2007 - 10:07 PM

[zachattack15]

Reading this brings back bad memories!

[CelicaST_CALI]

ya y dont u drive ur car to his house...

[yarik83]

just an fyi and because i have bloodshot eyes im not able to type up my tipycal 9 paragraph reply but here it goes/

IF A LADY TOLD YOU THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

tHat MEANS

She had sex with that person. And sex was obviously good because if it was not she would not be considering. Or if sex was bad it was a size of the wallet that may have attracted her.

draw your conclusions based off that.

[97Celica]

more importantly...how old is SHE? Girls under the age of 25 have their heads up their butts...Do you live with her? Do you have a career?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

just an fyi and because i have bloodshot eyes im not able to type up my tipycal 9 paragraph reply but here it goes/

IF A LADY TOLD YOU THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

tHat MEANS

She had sex with that person. And sex was obviously good because if it was not she would not be considering. Or if sex was bad it was a size of the wallet that may have attracted her.

draw your conclusions based off that.

lol thats not true. i agree with what someoen else said - people always think teh grass is greener on the other side.

Also, im not sure how old you are but she may just be scared that this could be a forever thing and doesnt want regrets of not seeing what else is out there.

Id give her props for tellign u the truth and not lying and then finding out later that it may have been someone else.

[JoKeRkId613]

just an fyi and because i have bloodshot eyes im not able to type up my tipycal 9 paragraph reply but here it goes/

IF A LADY TOLD YOU THERE MIGHT BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

tHat MEANS

She had sex with that person. And sex was obviously good because if it was not she would not be considering. Or if sex was bad it was a size of the wallet that may have attracted her.

draw your conclusions based off that.

i agree with the above. that girl is banging the other guy and shes confused.

[x_itchy_b_x]

i wouldn't jump to conclusions, that can cause more problems. but if she did then id drop her like a hot potato...

[lubu]

All good advices. But you gotta understand something: Why is she considering some one else? Is it because:

a. Is it because you havent been good enough to her?
b. You were good but lately slacking that affection that you once had??

In my opinion people especially girls, tend to lean on guys who love them and can provide their needs. I personally think she is an honest person for telling you abt the other person, she can just mouth-shut then out of a sudden, leaves you.

Maybe us, guys, feel betrayed and hurted when our girls having a second thought but please look in the mirror and ask urself a few simple questions, "are you what you should be???"

Nowaday i tend to concentrate on modding my car and not leaving enough time for my girl, but i quickly realised and made up for it. Doesnt have to be anything special, just simple outdoor dinner with some wine and way you go...

Just advice based on experiences. Look back and think what went wrong, if she is nice then the fault must be you. FIX IT. If she isnt that great then its time to move on.

Three 1/2 years is a long time....

edit: for ppl who saids that she's banging the other guy, what are you based on? Dont say it if you dont know abt the girl. Have some respect!!!

This post has been edited by lubu: Sep 5, 2007 - 12:50 PM

[ThePettingFairy]

more importantly...how old is SHE? Girls under the age of 25 have their heads up their butts...Do you live with her? Do you have a career?

Excuse me? Girls under 25 have their heads up their butts? I beg to differ. I am 22 female with her head on her head not her rear end. But coming from a girls standpoint when she says "I don't know who to pick" it may just literally mean "I don't know who to pick" we are simple its you guys that think girls are complicated. She's confused cos she was tempted by someone else and the whole question of "what if" comes in to play. Everyone thinks it, some just act on it. Or she can just be a bitch and just wanna string you along but not all girls are bitches. But if I were you.. just dump her. Someone is out there that wants to be with just you and only you and noone can confuse her mind of that. Just gotta go fishing for girls again. Maybe have a couple wild nights. Be good for you. Where are your boys..let them take you out.

[yarik83]

Ok now that I came from work and my eyes are not bothering me but my stuffy nose is..

If you study human behavior and yes that includes psychology you would recognize signs of cheating from signs of relationship burnout.

Scenario one-seven symbolize just seven of gazillion ways a relationship is not working out.

I think i need more space
I am not sure this is working out
Where are we going with this relationship
I cant stand all ........(listing things here).....things you do
Me and ... decided its best for us to....
Why cant we be like....
See if you had a better job.....

Now here are few signs of many of how to spot that a lady is cheating.
-I think I have feelings for someone else.
if she had some feelings as of fell in love with someone that would signify that she had been close with that person. Whether that was kissing, dry shtooping and or intercourse.. because a girl may have a crush on someone like brad pit and or that guy in the mall passing by.. but in those cases she tells you about it making you a bit jealous. And she does it on purpose and playfully. Ladies are extremely easy to seduse whether they admit it or not. A married woman with 3 kids and a loving husband could fall far the "lagoon creature" if all things fall into right places. Does that mean that she plans to leave family? No but an act is an act is an act. And lagoon creature whoopsie doopsie stays on your mind often with reprecussions. A guy does not tolerate cheating the way a girl may. If you are a guy and your girl does so much as plants a kiss on another guy who is not her family member or a business kiss on cheek we immediately steam about it because at that very moment we envision our lady being with that guy and in that very moment only 3 words come on our mind. What The F.

Another way to tell is if she is not in the mood for.... over and over and over

Of course this may sound like a generalization and of course if a lady was ready this she would be rather upset with my words but I have seen it all too many times. A lady tipycally has more common sence than a guy does when it comes to relationships and a lady who lost interest in her guy would first break up and then go looking for other opportunities rather than the other way around.

[ILuvMyCelica95]

I'd have to agree with lubu in some of his points. Maybe you did do something and are unaware of it?

Of course people don't just have feelings for someone out of the blue but i also think it's a pretty big assumption to say that shes sleeping with someone else.

3 1/2 years is a very long time, I think you should talk to her and since she was so honest maybe she'll tell you why she has feelings for this other person and did you do something or perhaps not do something to cause this to happen. Then you can figure out if you should move on or if it's worth working on.

[Culpable04]

maybe she'll tell you why she has feelings for this other person

I wouldn't wanna know that, there are some questions that unless you can really handle any answer, they should never be asked.

[lubu]

Just a reminder to all of us. I dunno whats ppl point of view on girls but i think they are one hell of a creature. Without them the world would be so much quiter , we would have all the time in the world for our cars ..etc...but despite all the positives its will be just boring and dull and of course we would all be GAY!!!!

If you're thinking your girl is the one or even if she isnt, treasure her. Love her. Play with her. Protect her. Feed her . A girl feels so much safer when shes with you for these reasons and would never want to leave you, but if she does wanna leave after all this, then:
a. she is tapped!
b. you arent very hanshome at all (more like veryx100 ugly)

I was a d*ck in my previous relationship and when I realised, it was too late, I did everything to save it but couldnt. So, dont take the winding road when you can take much easier ones. You will miss her when she's gone!!!

If you think that Im giving out lesson, no Im not. Just something I like to share with you guys especially the males in this site. You want her to treat you nice and with love, god damn it I think she does too!!

..and finnaly to the topic starter celiracer, the river aint dry yet, you can still get your boat across. Godd luck!!

[CelicaBuddy]

Honestly... I'd just end it, it will save you from more potential hurt later down the road. Like a lot of people were saying, if she REALLY loved you, she wouldn't be questioning your relationship together. If its meant to be, then its meant to be...

That's what I should have done a long time ago with the ex bf, when he said basically the same things your girl is saying now... From past experience trying to hold the relationship together and make it work after something like that just back fired in my face horribly... Turns out he just ended up cheating on me anyway Not saying your girl is doing the same... but thats what happened to me...


3 1/2 years is a long time, she may just be taking your relationship for granted and not realizing how good she may have it. Its a common thing that happens in a long relationship... Once you dont have the person anymore, you truly appreciate them and everything they did for you... maybe give it a break... though technically I dont really believe in breaks...

good luck

This post has been edited by CelicaBuddy: Sep 5, 2007 - 7:14 PM

[slvr_celica_GT_8...]

sorry to hear that ive been with my g/f for 3 1/2 years too

[giang723]

ya y dont u drive ur car to his house...

yeah that's really good advice mate, if you read my post properly as i was merely joking


where is celiracer anyway?

[97Celica]

Thepettingfairy, you may have a head on your shoulders but I was generalizing to make him feel better. I am 25,my GF is 21, We live together and have an awesome relationship but still...she's not 100% grown up. Also, I have been married before and have been in long term relationships...I am speaking from experience. Girls HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY WANT til they find out who THEY ARE. If you get a girl without self confidence or goals in live,you might as well do the WHAM,BAM,THANK YOU MA'AM type thing. It's not worth your time.