This is why I have learned to love the Texans., (warning - SERIOUSLY off topic chick content inside.) Options

[GriffGirl]

I read this blog (of a lady in Texas) Rachel Lucas. She is just about the funniest, most insightful person whose words I have ever laid eyes upon. I may not agree with everything she has to say, but she's a great read.

So today she had nothing to write about. Very odd. But she posted a link to another blog, where a letter written by (another Texan) woman to a feminine hygiene company is posted. This letter is so damn hilarious, I felt it my duty to share it with the other like five chicks on this board, as well as all the married guys who have witnessed the trials and tribulations of Pre Menstrual Psychosis themselves. It's long, but worth reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of G-d, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to takemy maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Best,
[Name Witheld]
Austin , TX

[D-Man]

f-16

[monkey]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahhaha
props
wait... theirs only 5 other chicks on here....

[BloodyStupidDave...]

lol

...as well as all the married guys who have witnessed the trials and tribulations of Pre Menstrual Psychosis themselves.

You don't have to be married to witness that. You don't even have to be in a relationship

[D-Man]

Yes but the majority of us have to deal with women in our daily life's, and thanks to basic theoretical ratio's... about 4wks per month, one cycle per month, one cycle lasts for about a week, So us guys can theoretically say that a quarter of the women we deal with on a daily basis are enduring their cycle.

I dont know about the rest of you, but that'd explain why i get slapped so much

[monkey]

amen!

This post has been edited by monkey: May 28, 2008 - 4:15 PM

[GriffGirl]

imagine how I feel... I get it twice over!

[D-Man]

imagine how I feel... I get it twice over!

See; you can even respect the crap that us guys got to go thru, but then have to deal with it first had

Sucks to be you

[monkey]

ya but we have to endure the pain of getting kicked in the balls...
that all togeather is worse than childbirth and crimson tide...
lets evaluate

kick in balls
hurts to fukin helll
no pain relief

crimson tide
pad
tampon
and soo many medicines it takes up not only an isle but both sides of the isle in a grocery store!
you can always jack yourself up on pain killers....

child birth...
you dont feel a damn thing.... its called morphine!

and on top of this we not only have to hear about this **** for the time its hapening, but we have to put up witht he bickering for all eternity!
the only reason men let their wives spend all their money at the mall is cuz were tired of their ****...then we die and u take the rest of our money....


NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

[SeverX13]

ya but we have to endure the pain of getting kicked in the balls...
that all togeather is worse than childbirth and crimson tide...
lets evaluate

kick in balls
hurts to fukin helll
no pain relief

crimson tide
pad
tampon
and soo many medicines it takes up not only an isle but both sides of the isle in a grocery store!
you can always jack yourself up on pain killers....



child birth...
you dont feel a damn thing.... its called morphine!

and on top of this we not only have to hear about this **** for the time its hapening, but we have to put up witht he bickering for all eternity!
the only reason men let their wives spend all their money at the mall is cuz were tired of their ****...then we die and u take the rest of our money....


NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

x2!!!
ive gottin kicked, punched, twaped and even got a 2 liter bottle full of watter swung down from a ceiling and hitting my boys. Monkey pretty much hit the nail on the head with his post


BTW: you forgot to mention the "aftershock" as i like to call it. You get hit, your down and it hurts. then when u thinkt he pain is gone and get up to walk away, the aftershock hits you like a brick wall and you must drop to the ground one last time.


~Brent~

This post has been edited by SeverX13: May 28, 2008 - 4:30 PM

[95CelicaST]

I don my infantry helmet and just roll a smirnoff into the kitchen grenade style from the garage and then slam the door shut and lock it (I'm baller like that with a lock on the INSIDE of the garage door). That time of the month is risky business.

[monkey]

gotta keep er away vrom dat beautiful celi ov urs!

[GriffGirl]

I don my infantry helmet and just roll a smirnoff into the kitchen grenade style from the garage and then slam the door shut and lock it (I'm baller like that with a lock on the INSIDE of the garage door). That time of the month is risky business.

OMFG! That is SO hilarious! I totally just read it to my coworker it was so funny! That's AWESOME!!!

This post has been edited by GriffGirl: May 28, 2008 - 5:20 PM

[GriffGirl]

Oh, it is SO on!

ya but we have to endure the pain of getting kicked in the balls...
that all togeather is worse than childbirth and crimson tide...
lets evaluate

kick in balls
hurts to fukin helll
no pain relief

Boobs hurt like holy hell for a good week. ****ing acne. No matter how old you are. Just when you thought you outgrew that ****, there it is to remind you, once a month, that somewhere inside lurks and angry 13 year old. Lower back pain, cramps, and an uncontrolable urge to either cry or kill. Or both.

crimson tide
pad
tampon
and soo many medicines it takes up not only an isle but both sides of the isle in a grocery store!
you can always jack yourself up on pain killers....

But there is not enough anti-psychotic medication or dark chocolate to overpower the mighty ovary. You know it, I know it. Plus, if we jack ourselves up on painkillers, you'll just complain that there's nothing to eat.

child birth...
you dont feel a damn thing.... its called morphine!

Okay, maybe the epidural during childbirth... IDK, I haven't given birth. But let's think. Kick in the cojones versus YOUR PELVIS BEING STRETCHED. ACTUAL BONES. Imagine passing a watermelon through something the size of a grape. One word for ya, buddy: appeasiotomy.

and on top of this we not only have to hear about this **** for the time its happening, but we have to put up with the bickering for all eternity!
the only reason men let their wives spend all their money at the mall is cuz were tired of their ****...then we die and u take the rest of our money....

Well maybe if you were smart enough to stash that **** in that off-shore account we've been stashing your money in all those pre-divorce years, you'd be smart enough to figure out how to avoid that whole scene in the first place!

NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

[monkey]

this is the sole reason that i believe theyre 2 kinds of people in this world,
reactive, and proactive..
i love the way u can actually think about what is said and actually give it a response worthy of me rebudling against... i can tell ur response is well thought out and planned.. whether u tried or not ur sresponse isnt just a reaction to something which i like! not many people can do this... thus making us proactive and them reactive... its nice knowing that if u get really good at being proactive than u can controll other people byprejudging what their reaction is going to be and making it into something in your favor...
bahhahaah
finally someone whom i can have an intellegant discussion with... afterall were not conversing, were discussing the pros and cons of both sides of an arguement!


i being 19 get acne still and judging by the older men i know, they still get acnbe too, ofcourse boobs hurt, get used to it they pull on ur skin all day, its a thing called a bra! they tend to help...

if one is a active person like i, one wil get pains and aches... just a sign that uve earned your keep in this world, or just a sign that you need to sit down and take a break and quit stressing about things. stress is the devils work. like worrying, what is it going to change... be proactive and not just REACT to the situation and worry, get up and do something about it or let it go!

same goes for the almighty overy, realize that your emothieons might be haywire (not psychotic) and proact to let u know whats going on instead of using it as an excuse..,.,..



keeep in mind that durring your different trimesters your bodys hormones act upon one in a way that also makes the birth canal larger and physically moves the bones apart and then once these pregnancy hormones go away they move back...

i dont have to worry about cooking, im from texas 1 i can bbq and ive lived on my own since i was 15... aint noone cookin fo me and consitering i cook better than most women, the kitchen is my room in the house... funny thing is ull find men in the kitchen here in texas just as much as women.,... yes i am making a very judgemental and genralistic statement about texas

now is where im gunna have fun... ur second to last rebuddle.....
besides the fact that its constantly contradicting itself at every turn, i laughed hardest at thisone.......

why would one hide something from the one he loves, and if he knew he was to divorce one, he would be as so kind to realize at one point in time he loved her and wanted whats best for her, thus making one jenerous... then to the best part of it all is when one knows he is going to divoce one, why would he get married in the first place... afterall hookers do serve a purpose.....

bahahah i do realize that some of my statements are utterly rediculous but its not a bad rebuttle for a 19yr old now is it?

EDIT: but now back on topic, i liked the letter and it was a grat find!! i personally found it very funny and filled with moodswings....

This post has been edited by monkey: May 28, 2008 - 5:59 PM

[GriffGirl]

Touche!

this is the sole reason that i believe theyre 2 kinds of people in this world,
reactive, and proactive..
i love the way u can actually think about what is said and actually give it a response worthy of me rebudling against... i can tell ur response is well thought out and planned.. whether u tried or not ur sresponse isnt just a reaction to something which i like! not many people can do this... thus making us proactive and them reactive... its nice knowing that if u get really good at being proactive than u can controll other people byprejudging what their reaction is going to be and making it into something in your favor...

It's called being a scorpio, and thus a veritable master of manipulation.

bahhahaah
i being 19 get acne still and judging by the older men i know, they still get acnbe too, ofcourse boobs hurt, get used to it they pull on ur skin all day, its a thing called a bra! they tend to help...

No honey, what you're referring to is a phenomenon called gravity. What I'm referring to is when something as simple as air or fabric makes your skin feel like it's been sanded down with a brick.

if one is a active person like i, one wil get pains and aches... just a sign that uve earned your keep in this world, or just a sign that you need to sit down and take a break and quit stressing about things. stress is the devils work. like worrying, what is it going to change... be proactive and not just REACT to the situation and worry, get up and do something about it or let it go!

I thought rock n' roll was the devils work

same goes for the almighty overy, realize that your emothieons might be haywire (not psychotic) and proact to let u know whats going on instead of using it as an excuse..,.,..

I'm sorry, but you must die now.

Bahahahaha and i do realize some of the **** i said is pretty rediculous but for a 19yr old thats ot a bad rebuddle!
keeep in mind that durring your different trimesters your bodys hormones act upon one in a way that also makes the birth canal larger and physically moves the bones apart and then once these pregnancy hormones go away they move back...

Wanna bet!? I can assure you they never return from whence they came. Not to mention that post-breast feeding gravity on the boobs issue.

now is where im gunna have fun... ur second to last rebuddle.....
besides the fact that its constantly contradicting itself at every turn, i laughed hardest at thisone.......

why would one hide something from the one he loves, and if he knew he was to divorce one, he would be as so kind to realize at one point in time he loved her and wanted whats best for her, thus making one jenerous... then to the best part of it all is when one knows he is going to divoce one, why would he get married in the first place... afterall hookers do serve a purpose.....

bahahah i do realize that some of my statements are utterly rediculous but its not a bad rebuttle for a 19yr old now is it?

Young, foolish, naive boy.

[monkey]

u call it young foolish and nieve, i call it cocky and am not using young foolish and nieve as an excuse, im owning up to what i am being and using it to its fukllest advantage instead of wining about it like er most women do with pregnancy and crimson tide time!

and if i may add im loving every minute of it!

no offense intended i just love arguing!


by the way im a cancer.... july 18 (1988) makes me a dragon if i was in china!

and now dat u say the bones dont return i need to find me some twins... one to have the baby and one for afterwards.....
i personally dont like the whole hotdog in the hallway situation....

This post has been edited by monkey: May 28, 2008 - 6:06 PM

[dustin15brown]

thread was good... well first post was good.... Monkey, give it up... girls have it wayyyy worse..... WAYYY
I have been knocked in the testicles before and yeah, it hurts like no other.... but they shove out an 8 pound 16" long BABY.... dude, guys have it soo freaking easy... for being 19, you should know this by now..

[monkey]

meh


This post has been edited by monkey: May 28, 2008 - 6:10 PM

[95CelicaST]

And monkey - if you didn't know.... They're always right too.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Thank you for sharing that. Im off to copy and paste and send to every woman i know :-)

so true so true are those words!!!

PS - Pads for the lose - sitting in your own blood = gross!

[supershannon77]

....men.....hahahahahaha...you make me laugh...anyway thanks for a good laugh.

[GriffGirl]

Thank you for sharing that. Im off to copy and paste and send to every woman i know :-)

so true so true are those words!!!

PS - Pads for the lose - sitting in your own blood = gross!

Good lord isn't that the truth. There isn't a dry weave (f-16?) alive that could change that!

monkey - 1988? OMFG I was in high school already. Ugh I'm old.

FLOCK OF SEAGULLS FTMFW!!!!
(not really. I was more of a Motley Crüe/Def Leppard kinda poofy-haired girl)

[Havok1997GT]

OK

First, That letter was awesome. I am still laughing.

Second, Server and Monkey. Let me assure you that you have no idea what you are talking about. I watched my daughter being born and yes my wife was druged up pretty good, but if she wasnt, which a lot of women choose not to, i imagin that that would have been like having a orange come out the tip of your wang. not trying to start **** or cause an argument, but i would take a shot in the nuts with a hammer before i would trade places with women in giving birth.

[95CelicaST]

[monkey]

ahh so very true so very true

[Random_Stranger]

Whoa, that chick has issues. Who really has the time to write and get all hissy from "Have a Happy Period"? LOL F-16

[99Celica]

my girls on the pill so she has 1 period every 3 months. my balls are very happy

[D-Man]

july 18 (1988)

and now dat u say the bones dont return i need to find me some twins... one to have the baby and one for afterwards.....
i personally dont like the whole hotdog in the hallway situation....

That would be my gal and her twin sister. And yes, Griff is correct
(also, If your worried about her "bones" then you sir, are worried about the wrong thing )

Second, Server and Monkey. Let me assure you that you have no idea what you are talking about. I watched my daughter being born and yes my wife was druged up pretty good, but if she wasnt, which a lot of women choose not to, i imagin that that would have been like having a orange come out the tip of your wang. not trying to start **** or cause an argument, but i would take a shot in the nuts with a hammer before i would trade places with women in giving birth.

x2. Orange From the wang is a pretty good comparison.
and i'd rather take a shot to my boys than piss an orange personally

And monkey - if you didn't know.... They're always right too.

so true...

This post has been edited by D-Man: May 29, 2008 - 12:05 PM

[x_itchy_b_x]

i dont trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
cliché i know. but its truth.
being female is a curse on all mankind. thats why in china... nvm.
i am women hear me ovulate.

This post has been edited by x_itchy_b_x: May 29, 2008 - 12:16 PM

[95CelicaST]

WAPCE!!!

[thespacepanda]

I just really need to move to Oregon. Srsly. I, um....

Uh....



I'm moving to Oregon. You, me, your girl, we get a 3 way marriage thing going (I don't care if its not technically legal).

Srsly.

[D-Man]

Panda, what the hell are you going on about? you just wanna move their because with the lack of heat, your sure to find more pasty white chicks.

Yummy, pasty white chicks

Panda; Road trip? there's bound to be a mall somewhere... (we just gotta fix up the cars first )

[Havok1997GT]

I just really need to move to Oregon. Srsly. I, um....

Uh....



I'm moving to Oregon. You, me, your girl, we get a 3 way marriage thing going (I don't care if its not technically legal).

Srsly.

I thought you would feel that way.

[Stambo]

i wanna know how this guy feels.....


[URL=http://g.imageshack.us/g.php?h=48&i=xinsrc40203052813370463vh6.jpg][/UR

I probably just brought on a whole new topic......

[D-Man]

yeah stambo, that need's it's own thread. I'm not even going to comment here...

[GriffGirl]

^heh... that guy is from Oregon.

Panda... come on up, the weather's fine and there's plenty of room!

[Havok1997GT]

^heh... that guy is from Oregon.

Panda... come on up, the weather's fine and there's plenty of room!

Plenty isnt enough for Panda.

[m0dd3d1]

That's not even a dude...

[goferris]

isn't it funny that we didn't even get a female response (besides OP) until the 2nd page?
growing up with sisters i totally understand this LOL. it was definitely a good laugh.

on the child birth thing, both my bro and bro in-law had kidney stones. those aren't even the size of a pea and they both said they hurt like hell. i couldn't even imagine a grape let alone orange passing through my UNIT. ouch!!!!!
we really do have it easy as guys.