The its not you its me trash..., why does it hurt so much? Options

[saleeka]

So tonight i'm talking to the guy that ive been digging for just over a year now, on and off, and we start taliking about seroius stuff... we havent been anything with a tiltle for a while now but we confide in one another more than enough for it to end up being more than "somthing"... So i ask him if I can say somthing to him with no bullsh!t, he says yes, and I tell him that his personality and smarts really attract me to him more than his physical side ever has( hes a hockey player and way more fit than I), and that im tired of having to act as if its always a hookup (like once every 2 months or so)... and i kinda figured this but still it kinda sucks to hear but he tells me "im not ready to commit to anybody, its not you, i am a very selfish person in the long run and its best for me, its not to hurt you..." WTF? i tell him that that saddens me to hear that and that i think that he is capable of way more than he gives himself credit for and that he also deserves more than that... he then tells me that of all people id be the last he would want to hurt so it is better ths way ( i know he isnt lying when he says this), and that it truely isnt me and that i should understand... so now im at this crossroads with a guy that i honestly think i could say that I love, but seems he dosent feel the same way cause hes in denial or somthing... it feels as if a part of my soul has kinda died, for me and for him... he is older than me (im 20, hes 27) but at the same time the relationship is at that point where you think more about him than yourself, and i know that isnt just from my point of veiw... what should I do? should i just give him distance for a while or tell him that hes being dumb? i really dont know what to do because we have never been in a position where we have had to tell one another what to do or think about in all honesty... i really could see myself being with him for the time to come (im more of an old soul) but now he has me scared that HE isnt ready, and i dont want to loose him...

[creis]

best thing to do is give some space and see what happens, the line "i'm not ready to commit" is more of an "I'm not shure whats happening, let me catch up" if its been a year its obviously more cold feet about it then realy not being ready, i dont know what kinda relationship your looking to have, but it soulds serious. i bet that if you give some time he will figure it out and be able to give a real respose rather then a line. but keep in mind you dont wana give him like a years worth a space, enough is enough. if he ant diggin you i think he will figure it out pritty quick, but dont know who long it will take for him to tell you about it.

I would just be careful not to push a real respost out, make your that when you do get one its from who he is inside and not involiving any other factors.

<edited for spelling>

This post has been edited by creis: Nov 26, 2004 - 2:54 AM

[Hanyo]

i once said simular things to a girl. Me and her really clicked, but i was too stuborn to accept it.

now every day I feel lonely and sad that she is with another man.....

[coustoe]

ask him to take you for a walk someplace at night maybe at a park, some place secluded and quiet, wear something that will subtley get his attention. and just talk.

[LatinKraze]

Dude, im sorry, i know its a really hard time right now. I know from personal experience that not giving the other person space can lead to no friendship at all. Its happened to me too many times and they feed me the same, "it's not you it's me" speech. Im not saying that this will happen, just letting you know that if the other person is not ready and you still try and show them how you feel then, they might try and push you away. Not all people react this way and hopefully what ever your decision is, I wish you the best of luck.

[Jonathan]

There are many good gay and lesbian websites out there with messageboards.That is the best bet.
My friend is gay and He didnt tell me till we were both 16
Its nuts...he found a "friend" and I havent seen him since
They met online thru a messageboard like this

google it

[macavely]

your young.. so if you want to wait .. wait.. if not go have your fun like he is... he is saying the same thing i tell grils when i see they are starting to get feelings for me... so i'll translate what he is saying.. Its great being with you.. but i dont' just want to be with you cause then i won't be able to be with other people.. so if your cool with that stay around.. if not.. well thats on you .. cause i'm not going to change..

[Digndoug]

Your young dumb an full of ........ ... Energy ... just wait an see how things end up. Dont let your self wait for him, keep your eyes open for another somone, and for now.. just try to keep the relationship you have now..

[Jen]

Man, I'm going through the same exact situation right now. But yes, just give him a bit of space. Continue being his friend and continue talking to him. Maybe he will see what a great person you are and start to fall for you as you have fallen for him. Just give it time. You will only lose him if you let yourself lose him.

Trust me, everything will fall into place soon enough.. just give it time.

This post has been edited by Jen: Nov 27, 2004 - 5:05 PM