was i wrong for saying it??? Options

[macavely]

ok here is what happened.. i have this one female friend i'm mad cool with .. we talk about any and everything... .. then one day we were talking and she asked me what was it about her that did make ther the girl of my dreams.... Now me and her have this thing where we tell each other the truth no matter how much it hurts the other one..... So when she asked me this question I really didn't want to answer it cause .. the answer was a shallow one... and i told her this.. but she wanted to know anyway.... so i told her.. I said .. she would be the perfect girl for me if she had the body type i liked.. she got really quite and did say anything for a while.. i knew that i hurt her really bad.. she said that she is glade that i told her .. this was a few weeks ago.. but i still feel bad that i did... cause she is they kinda girl that is cool about everything.. but i didn't want to hurt like that....

so my question is would you guys have done the same thing.. or lied and said something else??

[jojobombiest]

Thats tough... I probably woulda used my method and told her in a way that didn't really make sense so she couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

[saleeka]

if you really care about somebody you dont bullsh*t them, period...
or at least thats me anyway...

This post has been edited by saleeka: Dec 6, 2004 - 4:49 AM

[ghostdog]

honesty is good, but most people can't take it. we all have delusions based off of what society finds acceptable or how we think we should be

[Jen]

You did the right thing.. and sometimes the truth hurts quite a bit. But yeah.. that we definitely shallow.. I feel bad for her..

[Bigmeanbulldog55]

It doesn't make much sence to me. Is she over weight or something? Because if that's it, you might as well start dating her now. Because sooner or later they all get heavy. And honestly, if you wouldn't date her being overwieght, there's not a good chance a relationship could last with her having the ideal body.

[Supersprynt]

Why did it hurt her in the first place?

[macavely]

well i'm not going to get into details about how she looks... but yea it was extreamlly shallow of me.. and she has been a great friend to me.. shes still there for me when i need her.. and i feel like shyt .. telling her.. cause i hurt her..

[dustin15brown]

Wow that'sa touchy subject, but if you have the kind of rel. where you're 100% honest to each other then you did the right thing. It may suck to say but honesty is a major virtue. What exactly is wrong with her body though? If you dont mind me askin.
Dustin

[macavely]

Wow that'sa touchy subject, but if you have the kind of rel. where you're 100% honest to each other then you did the right thing. It may suck to say but honesty is a major virtue. What exactly is wrong with her body though? If you dont mind me askin.
Dustin
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she just doesn't have the body type that i'mattracted to.. *yes i know its really shallow.. shes cutie as hell and a great person to be around... But i'm in a position where if i don't likke everything aabout the girl i'm not going to get into a realationship into.. other then just friends...

[Supersprynt]

Has she been acting any different? Maybe she likes you...

[macavely]

Has she been acting any different? Maybe she likes you...
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yea a little bit.. but not where anything is diffrenet between us.. well i try not to let it be....

and yea she likes me.. she doesn't hide that fact.. which is cool.. but thats how the whole thing came up. she asked me what kept her from being the perfect womrn for me..

[Supersprynt]

Ohhhhhh damn she asked you THAT and you said THAT?

You basically called her ugly!

[macavely]

Ohhhhhh damn she asked you THAT and you said THAT?

You basically called her ugly!
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na i didn't i gave her a every detailed reason... not like what i'm giving you guys... she understood and she did thank me for telling her.. but it still hurt... and thats why i feel bad.. she just one of those people you never want to make feel bad ..

[Ale_lock]

Macavely's GANGSTA! Somethings you just won't say but if you guys are always truthful with each other, then she asked for it.

[Supersprynt]

Yeah it sucks that thats the case but if you cant handle the truth dont ask for it.

IMO its always better to be honest.

[macavely]

Macavely's GANGSTA! Somethings you just won't say but if you guys are always truthful with each other, then she asked for it.
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when she asked me i told her.. do you realy want the turth ... or do you want me to tell you that i want you to be my girl? she said the truth .. so i had to tell her ..

[lagos]

bad move Mac. never tell a girl she is fat or not "right". there are times when u just have to lie to girls. they do it to us all the time..."its not u, its me"

[Consynx]

or "I'm not ready for a relationship with you."
Meaning possibly someday

Stuff that relates to what Lagos said but still answers her question.

I personally would have said "I'm not really the relationship type." then since im in school "I need to focus on a good GPA, and not have to worry about a g/f or put up with relationship problems..."
Always "I'm Sorry." Wether it's good news or bad...

[forkee]

"what do you want?"

"i want the truth!"

"you can't HANDLE the truth!"

lol

all you could have said was that shes not ur type. u didn't have to put "body" type. especially if its something that she can't really change. but oh well, i mean its the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts, but honesty (especially between friends) is the best policy.

[macavely]

bad move Mac. never tell a girl she is fat or not "right".  there are times when u just have to lie to girls. they do it to us all the time..."its not u, its me"
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I know you say this cause you don't understand the kinda relationship me and her have.. she knows about all the girls i'm with and talk to ... she knows why me and her are friends .. she knows everything i like about her... but she didn't get why i didn't want her as my girl.. when i would tell her all the time i wish some of the girls i was messing around with here more like you... so i had to tell her the reason i didn't want her like that.. so i did ..

[Mynzeyes]

mac has feelings for a female? mac cares what he says? omg...mac...i thought you were the P.I.M.P.??? you're breaking the first rule of pimp-itude. you should not love them hoes. heh.

anyway, seriously, you say you 2 tell the truth to each other, so, why shouldn't you have? it's better than you lying and her thinking that she is your goddess, when she's clearly not. just let her cool off about it, because like you said, you are both very understanding people. if you feel the need, just appologize to her, and tell her you tried not to say it, because you knew it would hurt, but she pushed you on, so in a way, she brought it on herself to be hurt. you tried to save it, but she didn't let you. .

-John-

[macavely]

mac has feelings for a female? mac cares what he says? omg...mac...i thought you were the P.I.M.P.??? you're breaking the first rule of pimp-itude. you should not love them hoes. heh.

anyway, seriously, you say you 2 tell the truth to each other, so, why shouldn't you have? it's better than you lying and her thinking that she is your goddess, when she's clearly not. just let her cool off about it, because like you said, you are both very understanding people. if you feel the need, just appologize to her, and tell her you tried not to say it, because you knew it would hurt, but she pushed you on, so in a way, she brought it on herself to be hurt. you tried to save it, but she didn't let you. .

-John-
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John what do i always tall you .. I'm not a playa .. i'm not a P I M P .. im just me.. I'm M A C ... and yea i have a heat.. i care about my frinds.. no matter how carzy they are..

[chucho]

yeah crappy situation. But I'm gonna be honest as much as possible so i would be in that same situation. The girl I was talking to isnt physically my type either, she's the girl in the pics thread w/ me. But thats just cause i like brunettes, dark skin, with a little meat on them, dont give me those skinny girls. And brit, is a blonde-blue eyed that is really slender. But we went out anyway 'cause she's a sweet nice girl.

Good luck, dont know any good advice.

[jgreening]

There are ways to answer that question which are both TRUTHFUL and TACTFUL. Example:

Q: Why am I not the perfect girl for you?

A: You are the perfect friend for me. I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.

Q: (assuming she pushes further) But, if we are such good friends, just think about how great it would be if we were together!

A: Laura (or whatever her name is), you know how much you mean to me. But, I just don't see you in that way. I can't explain it further than that.

***

Then, you shut up. Maybe she gets upset because you wouldn't tell her more but thats better than hurting her feelings.

Don't worry too much Mac. You made a mistake. I advise to apologize and move on. Time will heal the wound.

Jay.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

If shes seen the girls uve dated and she doesnt look like them then she should honestly know why you werent with her - shes not a very smart girl if she didnt catch on to that

i had a guy ask me why i honestly didnt want date him - hes a very blunt guy and i cant say anything rude to someone that im friends with so i just said that i wasnt looking for a relationship though i am! I couldnt tell him that he wasnt my type in the physical department. I dont like to bring looks into conversation unless im in a fight with the person hehe though later i got in a fight with him and said NO MORE JELLO FOR YOU MARCHELLO!!!

:-P

[funnyboy117]

I'd say you did the right thing, but of course it's going to hurt her a TON...think about if you were in her situation (even if you aren't the type to jock a chick like that, just pretend).

You really like one of your girl friends, and you guys have a ton of fun together blah blah blah. Now you're trying to get in a relationship with her and she tells you you aren't her type because of your looks...especially something you can't change. That's rough.

Now she knows you guys are never going to go out, and that means she has to get over you or just continue living in the same place she's in. Now were these things that she can't change about herself or is it possible that she could become more like you want her to be?

[Ale_lock]

Aim: Why we don't ask for the truth.

Lesson: Person ask truth, they get it & don't like it.

Conclusion: The truth always hurts, never ask for it unless you ready for it.

There is no right or wrong, if you ask for it then you should know what you are getting yourself into.

This post has been edited by Ale_lock: Dec 6, 2004 - 7:25 PM

[Ricky]

Dude you are such an idiot.

How could you say something like that to a girl ???

your answer was not shallow. It was just stupid.

In that case say something like: "im not looking for a steady relationship" and if she goes along then you take it from there.
but you dont hurt the ego of the female by telling her she doesn not have the body type you like.
Besides the body changes with time and what matters is the heart.

[jgreening]

I dont agree with the peeps that advise to say something like "I dont want a relationship right now" or something like that. What happens if you meet a cool girl a week later and want to get into a relationship? Your friend then knows that you are just full of sh*t. Its better to give an honest answer that just doesn't hurt.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Also---- what if u cause a eating disorder now?? Whether she shows u or not if it hurt i can gurantee it hurt her!

[macavely]

i know it hurt her... but she tells me she is over it.. we haven't atlked about it since the day it happened.. but i still feel bad about..

and for everyone that says tell her this .. tell her that.. NO.. the truth is best...

[amysmojo]

She wanted the truth & he gave it to her....he didnt do anything wrong!

If I was in macavely's same situation...& I didnt like the guys body type then I dont think I could bring myself to say that. I would still tell him the truth which is...."Im just not into you like that." Which is still the truth! But at least now he can walk away w/ his head up & try to find a GF w/ out feeling like he is too ugly to get one.

Anyway you guys....we still dunno what her body type is! Maybe she is too SKINNY for his taste. Why do we assume she is fat hehe

[Yota]

Women are sensitive creatures... Look at how long they take to get ready for an occasion?? Man, my dates to dances started getting ready at noon for an event that kicked off at 4:00! They are spending all that time trying to look as attractive as possible. Now take all that into consideration as you tell her she's not physically what you're looking for. Pickin' up what I'm layin' down? Im not gonna tell you what to say, but it could have been easier and less hurtful..

[macavely]

O M G>. people .... some of you totally missed the point of this.. but i guess its my fault for not expaling the whole story... this post was not about her feelings it was about mine... yea her feelings got her.. but turst me she got over it the next day... I felt bad cause i hurt her feelings that nite... she knows me and she love the way that i am.. i just flat out tell her how it is....

my question was if i was wrong for saying what i said cause it made me feel the way it made me feel.... if you know this girl.. and she wasn't your body type you would wish she was.. cause is would be close if not perfect if she was... thats they only thing that keeps her from being the right girl for me.... yea i'm shallow but anyone that say looks don't matter.. well stop BS's .. cause if lookes didn't matter.. we wouldn't have the gift of sight ...

this girl is so cool that she even told me go do who you want for a year... cause i'll get my body back to how it was... and then if you want me i'll be here... i can't even explain how great this girl is... but its just that one thing.. and yea its not such a major thing.. but damn i'm young... i know what i want.. and if phyiscally she doesn't have it... why settle for something i don't want..

[Uppitycracker]

You did the right thing.. and sometimes the truth hurts quite a bit. But yeah.. that we definitely shallow.. I feel bad for her.. 
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Shallow is such a bull**** term. Anyone who is going to spend the rest of there life with someone else HAS TO BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THAT PERSON. Its just a basic law of nature, you follow it wether you like it or not. Everyones looking for that suitable mate to carry on there genetic lineage, popular culture has twisted this into some idea of romantic love and modern morals.

Anyways you can't have one without the the other, sexual and mental attraction go hand in hand, they both have to be there. I think your just to young and naive to realize that.


And I dont mean to single you out, alot of people have the same view and it drives me nuts.

[creis]

Its a dificult situation, she asked you what maid her the girl of your deams, that implies that she thinks she is the girl of your dreams, witch implies that your not just friends but together. meaning she basicly flat out told you she liked you and though you where more then friends.

Its a dificult situation, a question such as that has the potentioal to make or break the (thing between you) I would handle it by ansering the question with another, ask her what makes you the guy of her dreams, and let her anser it for you, you can mold your anser from hers and prevent any hart break. however this does also allow her mind to think that your "together" witch (if you dont want) has to be stoped at the same time, witch you can probibly ask what she wants out of the realation ship or something, and break the news via her response.

its hard to say that what you said was not shollow, however she wanted the truth, and that is what you gave her, what she wanted. I have to give you credit for telling the truth straight out.

^ ^
My 2 cents

Yeah why do we assume she is over waight, it could be anything.

I dont think I could ever tell a girl that there body is not my type, even if it was nothing bad, just not "my type", I cant imagine how they would feel thinking what it was that is not good, girls are critical of themself's enough to bring them to tears, adding an outside opinion could make it even worse. (not saying that, that is what happend or she would be so hartbroken, just saying my opinion on that reply in general)

Lighter note: What is this about P.I.M.P's not having feelings, dem hoes ant easy to take care of, it takes feelings, and understanding.

This post has been edited by creis: Dec 7, 2004 - 4:44 AM