A story submission ive been working on, thought about getting comments on it Options

[saleeka]

lately i've been thinking about joining a writing group that someone I know is in, and the first thing they ask of newcomers is to write about somthing important to them. This is what i've come up with, and i was wondering what you all think of it. it obviously is an important topic for me, and you you dont have an open mind and want to come out flaming me for writing it- dont bother reading it. I poseted it up on myspace so I diddent waste space here here is the linkto my profile, the link is in my Blog space, entitled my story submission

"she's funny, not hot..."

This post has been edited by saleeka: Mar 28, 2005 - 1:55 AM

[jgreening]

Well written. Here is my two cents for making it better:

(1) tell more about Heather in the middle of the story - before the talk you had with her. The reader needs to understand what you found so great about her.

(2) The title of the story suggests that it is about Heather but its really about you and your situation. In order to make this work, you need to summarize her reaction to telling her your news in more detail. You may also want to include how she helped you in any of your relationships or related struggles. Confirm that after she found out about your news, her actions were in line with her initial assurances - give examples.

(3) Skip the attempt at humor at the very end. Instead, end on a high note about how great she is.

Good luck,

Jay.

[CheesyLobster]

Wow, very personal. I like it. Some grammatical things here and there, but overall a very good reflective piece. Just proofread it a few times, rearrange some of the sentences, etc. I'm not sure what the writing club wants, but the essay feels sometimes too casual. If you want a really casual, informal essay though, this is perfect.