my relationship is over, update from last thread Options

[lagos]

can somone please explain girls to me?

ive been friends and romantic with this girl Jen for the past ten years. you can kind of think of it as a very open relationship. even if i had a girlfriend at the time, i would never fall in love with the new girl because i knew i loved jen more then anything. i also notice that jens boyfriends never made it to the love stage either and all her realationships with other guys were very short. my theory is that she never fell love with anyone she dated, because she would share all her thoughts and feelsing with me and i would do the same with her.

i considered jen my soul mate and i think she felt the same way about me. we had some amazing memories together that will last me and her for the rest of our lives.

the past few weeks ive been trying to play it cool and just get over it while still being friends. i went to visit her at work (bar) and to hang out with some freinds last week. when i was going home, she walked me outside and had that total, school girl in love look on her face, and i could tell she wanted me to kiss her (she later confirmend that was true). she asked me to come over and watch a movie with her. i told her that aint going to happen and i didnt give into her looks either.

so a few days go by and we ended up having the big talk about our realationship. we had this type of talk meny times over the years, but his by far was the most honest. i basically told her that we are ****ing up our lives and that we need to either **** or get off the pot. i told her how much i loved her and how great we could be together. she told me how she donst want to loose me. so i basically told her, if you dont go out with me, then our relationship will change in a big way. i will no longer play the emotional and menal role of your boyfriend.

she said she had a lot to think about and we decided to continue the conversation the next day.

so next day rolls around and she said she thought about us the whole day. the first thing out of her mouth was, if i had to go out with you, i would have to break up with jamie (someguy she met like a month ago). she said, i dont want to feel like i missed out on anything with him. ....what the Fk!!!! ten years with this girl and she is worried about what she might miss out on with a guy she met a month ago!!!

this was the frist time that she ever put another guy over me. the converation ended with me saying " good luck with jamie, i hope you know him for ten years too. i never want to see you or speak to you again".


can somone explain to me, how a girl can totally be into you, say you are the greatest guy she met, share great memories with you that she admits are close to her heart, and never fall in love with you? how can girls love a guy and not be in love with him? to us guys its all one thing.


anyway, this is problaby more info then i want to share with people, but i just got done talking to her and it really helps to try to understand things by wrinting it out.

[Mike]

I feel for you man, I really do, but listen, you have to get yourself together and burn some bridges!! that's what i did to my dumb b*tch ex

i know you still love her and whatnot, but you wont in 5-6months, so burn them bridges!!

what i did was after she did almost the exact same thing to me i took her out for a ride in my friends ram1500, after driving into a weired part of the city i pretended like i thought the rear right tire was flat, so i asked her to go out and check the tire while i stayed in the car and got the pressure checker, while she went out and looked, i shifted the truck into RWD and did a nice big burnout and shot up some nice gravel in her slut face, then i sped off leaving her stranded at 1am in the far reaches of toronto

all my guy friends love the story
all my girl friends hate it

don't attempt unless you're an a@@hole like me though..


but to be more serious.. time heals all wounds
keep yourself busy, try not to dwell on it, you'll be fine man

[Drocay]

I havnt had any advice to give to u through this or the old post but i belive all this is for the best. Hopefully now you'll find that someone and you'll be happy.

good luck, and keep your head up then women are crazy.

[Anub1s]

She is playing GAMES dude! That is what girls do and it's annoying as ****. If she wants to go on a fling with this "guy" Jamie, let her. Screw her, if it is meant to be it will happen, get yourself another girl and be happy. Try not to think about her, although it will be next to impossible, and you will be better off.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I feel for you man, I really do, but listen, you have to get yourself together and burn some bridges!! that's what i did to my dumb b*tch ex

i know you still love her and whatnot, but you wont in 5-6months, so burn them bridges!!

what i did was after she did almost the exact same thing to me i took her out for a ride in my friends ram1500, after driving into a weired part of the city i pretended like i thought the rear right tire was flat, so i asked her to go out and check the tire while i stayed in the car and got the pressure checker, while she went out and looked, i shifted the truck into RWD and did a nice big burnout and shot up some nice gravel in her slut face, then i sped off leaving her stranded at 1am in the far reaches of toronto

all my guy friends love the story
all my girl friends hate it

don't attempt unless you're an a@@hole like me though..


but to be more serious.. time heals all wounds
keep yourself busy, try not to dwell on it, you'll be fine man 
[right][snapback]288409[/snapback][/right]

^^^ disgusting

[urbandork]

well my g/f is doing good. Ive spent little over a grand on her in les then a years time.

my advice is just focus on the car.

lol yes saddly my g/f is my car


But on the serious note. (im a blunt person) She, like most ppl, are confused and dont really have a good idea on what they want. Personally ur better off with out ppl in ur lives that play tug of war with ur emotions/heart. Even tho the person my not do it on purpose it still is done and the bottom line is that it still hurts. Everyone runs into someone that sooner or later they must say good bye to. When the time comes they will know what to do just as u did.

Perhaps the best thing to do in these situations is to back off and let her make her own desisions. This insures that if later she does end up with u it was through her own will and recognition of what kind of guy u r and what role u play in her life. This also insrues that ur heart doesnt get stomped on.

I must admit that leting go is a hard thing to do. While it is easier said then done sometimes it must be stomached and gone through with.


To you i say good luck. It may hurt for a while but the best thing to do is get ur $hit straight first. And perhaps when she has hers straight shell realize what kind of guy you really are to her.

Ive always said

You have to be ok by urself before ur ok with someone else. To me it seemed like she asnt grown up enough to have a deep relationship nor ok enough with her self to be with someone else.

some times it helps to talk to a stranger if u need i/m me on aim

urbandork13 is my s/n

Good luck

[DmVinny]

Lagos, I think I can best explain it. I was in a prior relationship with my ex for 11 years, I have 2 kids with her. The best answer is people fall out of love. I did. The last months/year of my relationship I stayed because I got used to the situation/surroundings, and because of my kids. But finally I couldn't do it no more I realised it was going to hurt my kids more than anything. So I had to leave her.

People fall out of love, doesnt mean you dont love the person, you do but just not in a relationship sense.

Ok another thing is, let her go, she probably jumped in this relationship with you pretty young and never had time to explore other people, maybe this is for the best, she might realize the best thing out there is you.

[Supersprynt]

Girls named Jen are bad news.

[Mike]

Girls named Jen are bad news.
[right][snapback]288578[/snapback][/right]

also, girls that drive Jettas

you'll never meet a genuinly nice or non-slutty girl that drives a jetta

moral : stay the hell away from chicks in jettas

[Supersprynt]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.

[playr158]

everyone needs to go read

"boy meets girl"

great book

[madmods]

Its tough when people say get over it and move on. They have no ideal of the feelings involved. Lagos this girl loves you, but is not in love with you. Once you get to that point, theres no moving forward, just backwards. Move on. Time heals wound, but the best thing is another girl. It makes it so much easier. you loved once, you will love again.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

actually super i was speaking from myself!! i do exactly what she does with guys!


shes coming to him cuz its attention shes had unconditionally for 10 years!! but she just wants the attention doesnt want anything more!

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: May 18, 2005 - 1:56 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.
[right][snapback]288583[/snapback][/right]

im a girl and i think i can reply to lagos situation a bit better considering im a girl who plays games.

[Mike]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.
[right][snapback]288583[/snapback][/right]

im a girl and i think i can reply to lagos situation a bit better considering im a girl who plays games.
[right][snapback]288591[/snapback][/right]

I think he needs a guy who's been through that rather than someone like you who plays games like the girl that hurt him did

[Supersprynt]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.
[right][snapback]288583[/snapback][/right]

im a girl and i think i can reply to lagos situation a bit better considering im a girl who plays games.
[right][snapback]288591[/snapback][/right]

Being a girl doesnt mean a damn thing when it comes to advice. Both men and women play games. However, your changing the subject. The point is, its not a case of "she's just not into you" the latest relationship fad sweeping the nation. Someone who is "just not into you" doesnt do what she's doing. Its a long term relationship, they both have feelings for eachother.

[lagos]

Girls named Jen are bad news.
[right][snapback]288578[/snapback][/right]

best advice evar!

[BlackCelicaGT94]

alright im wrong and dont know what im talking about


keep wasiting ur time with this girl - its been 10 years and gone no where..continue doing it for another 10

[Anub1s]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.
[right][snapback]288583[/snapback][/right]

im a girl and i think i can reply to lagos situation a bit better considering im a girl who plays games.
[right][snapback]288591[/snapback][/right]

Let me be the one to say it then, YOU are disguisting. Playing games is total bull **** and hurts people, and the worst part is people like that don't give a **** who they hurt, all they care about is them. Grow up.

This post has been edited by Anub1s: May 18, 2005 - 2:51 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

:-D

[Supersprynt]

alright im wrong and dont know what im talking about


keep wasiting ur time with this girl - its been 10 years and gone no where..continue doing it for another 10
[right][snapback]288624[/snapback][/right]

If you read the entire thing you'd know that he is done with her.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

i did read it and hes not done..he will go back...if not as trying for more then he will try for a friendship

[lagos]

no nat, you are right the girl is playing me for a fool. trust me, this is the end for me. i dont ever want to speak to her again.

but here is something i dont understand. how a girl spend so much time playing a guy and not fall in love? i mean, you can keep telling somone how special they are, going out on dates, etc... for so long, but after a few years you would think that your game would backfire on you and you would end up loving the guy too, right ?

This post has been edited by lagos: May 18, 2005 - 2:57 PM

[Supersprynt]

So he's not done because YOU say so? How is that a remotely valid argument?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

i cant speak in terms of years but i can say that i like attention. girls love attention! it can be a simple text message every now and then or it could be wanting to be with the person every minute. We want something stable but are unstable ourselves and maybe shes like me..i wanna settle down but when it comes to it i really cant do it right now. i like going out and meeting new people and experiencing new things.

[lagos]

i think the problem with girls is that they get too much attention. there is always a new guy right around to corner wanting to date them, weather they like it or not. they never stop and realize what they have right in front of them. then they hit mid 30s and wonder why all men are assholes.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

or hit 19 and wonder why all the guys are A-holes :-D

[lagos]

if i place my self in jens point of view, i can kind of understand the situation.

if i was a good looking bar tender that got hit on all the time, i would probably not have fallen in love with some girl thats always been there for me. i would be to busy trying to explore who is around the corner and what they can do for me. so i kind of understand her. the ****ed up thing is that she always knew that its was love for me, and used that to make me think that we had something speical, so that i would spend hours on the phone with her, buy her gifts, etc... this is why i will never trust her again .

This post has been edited by lagos: May 18, 2005 - 3:09 PM

[Supersprynt]

I've only bought a gift for one girl who wasnt my girlfriend and thats only because she was my best friend and it was her birthday.

And it was a "vintage" Nintendo with the original box. She always said she wanted one so I got it for her, totally ripped apart what her b/f got her.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: May 18, 2005 - 3:22 PM

[coustoe]

no nat, you are right the girl is playing me for a fool. trust me, this is the end for me. i dont ever want to speak to her again.

but here is something i dont understand. how a girl spend so much time playing a guy and not fall in love? i mean, you can keep telling somone how special they are, going out on dates, etc... for so long, but after a few years you would think that your game would backfire on you and you would end up loving the guy too, right ?
[right][snapback]288631[/snapback][/right]

shes an emotional vampire, she uses you for emotional support

[95gtschick]

I feel for you man, I really do, but listen, you have to get yourself together and burn some bridges!! that's what i did to my dumb b*tch ex

i know you still love her and whatnot, but you wont in 5-6months, so burn them bridges!!

what i did was after she did almost the exact same thing to me i took her out for a ride in my friends ram1500, after driving into a weired part of the city i pretended like i thought the rear right tire was flat, so i asked her to go out and check the tire while i stayed in the car and got the pressure checker, while she went out and looked, i shifted the truck into RWD and did a nice big burnout and shot up some nice gravel in her slut face, then i sped off leaving her stranded at 1am in the far reaches of toronto

all my guy friends love the story
all my girl friends hate it

don't attempt unless you're an a@@hole like me though..


but to be more serious.. time heals all wounds
keep yourself busy, try not to dwell on it, you'll be fine man 
[right][snapback]288409[/snapback][/right]

^^^ disgusting
[right][snapback]288557[/snapback][/right]

Natalie i'm with you on this one. That is truly the rudest, stupidest thing i've heard, for me... well, i've never played "games" with a guy. i've only had 2 boyfriend's in my life, the first one broke up with me, the second one... i'm still with, after 4 years. i just can't bring myself to be mean to a guy... take care lagos..

[Mike]

or hit 19 and wonder why all the guys are A-holes :-D
[right][snapback]288637[/snapback][/right]

guys are only a@@holes to ugly girls anyway

[BlackCelicaGT94]

we only play games with ugly guys! :-D


oh and if a guy i was dating ever took me out for a drive in a weird part of town at 1am and said oh i think the tire might be F'd up will u get out and check id look at him and be excuse me?!

u do not ditch a girl in a weird part of town at 1am or even tell her to check ur car for u! pathetic!

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: May 18, 2005 - 5:22 PM

[jgreening]

Shes feeding u lies..shes trying to keep the friendship where its at and where its been.

Shes just not that into you! if she really loved u or wanted to try with u then she wouldnt care about Jamie!
[right][snapback]288552[/snapback][/right]

Well lets over use this "he/she is just not that into you." This is definately not a case for that because SHE keeps coming to HIM so no thats just, not the case.
[right][snapback]288583[/snapback][/right]

im a girl and i think i can reply to lagos situation a bit better considering im a girl who plays games.
[right][snapback]288591[/snapback][/right]

Being a girl doesnt mean a damn thing when it comes to advice. Both men and women play games. However, your changing the subject. The point is, its not a case of "she's just not into you" the latest relationship fad sweeping the nation. Someone who is "just not into you" doesnt do what she's doing. Its a long term relationship, they both have feelings for eachother.
[right][snapback]288618[/snapback][/right]

Erik:

I agree with Natalie on this one (thats twice now). The girl is not into Art, period. She likes him as a friend and has fun messing around with him a bit but she is not into him in the sense of "having him as her boyfriend". She is the type of girl that keeps a guy on the line in hopes of someone better coming along. Its complete bullsh1t. Any "feelings" she does have do not add up to her being willing to give up other potential guys. She's just not that into him.

Jay.

[Ale_lock]

I haven't read the entire thread but I read your first post, and yeah, women are just as confused as guys, I went through the same situation twice where some dude out of nowhre comes up and shyt goes downhill, when the second one occured, I just cut her off.

[lagos]

we only play games with ugly guys! :-D
[right][snapback]288704[/snapback][/right]

i dont think thats true at all. girls are all about dramma 24/7 with everyone they meet.

i think jay and nat are right, just not 100%.

the girl was very into me. you could see it on her face, hear it in her voice, even her closest friends would tell me. i mean, this is not like i was just her friend and got the wrong idea. i had a real realationship with her. i was even her offical boyfrined for about a year when we first met....and you know how that ended? i dumped her for another girl! after that we became friends and still kept the physical part of the realationship going for on and off over the years.

the problem is that she never fell in love with me. over the years her feeling for me changed from someone special, to the guy she dosnt have to pay attention to, because he will always be around. so over time she lost intrest and just draged it out for the benefits she would get out of the friendship

This post has been edited by lagos: May 18, 2005 - 6:06 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

i was kidding about playing games with ugly guys cuz that guy said that guys are only a-holes to ugly girls

[Mike]

we only play games with ugly guys! :-D


oh and if a guy i was dating ever took me out for  a drive in a weird part of town at 1am and said oh i think the tire might be F'd up will u get out and check id look at him and be excuse me?!

u do not ditch a girl in a weird part of town at 1am or even tell her to check ur car for u! pathetic!
[right][snapback]288704[/snapback][/right]

I don't know what's worse
being called pathetic
or being called pathetic by you

it's called getting even, and you know what? It will probably happen to you some day

[johnsonius_87]

im not much at given advice.. all i can say is hang in there & things will eventually get better.. even though probably everything you do, say, everywhere you go, songs you hear, movies you watch.. remind you of her. ive only had one b/f & he broke up w/ me 2 wks ago. the first wk was hard. we're still friends & ive hung out w/ him (in a group) a few times since then, but ppl we're both friends still tell me he talks about me alot & i still care about him. so i dont understand why he ended it. he says we might work things out later & get back together sometime.. but if he still cares about me & loves me like he says then what was the point in breaking up w/ me?! he has his reasons.. he's goin to texas & doesnt know how long he'll be gone.. then he'll be working full time outta town, etc.. but still.. i would be willing to make things work out.. anyway, sry for changing the subj, but i sorta understand where ur comin from.. good luck.

[Digndoug]

I think your last comment was kinda out of line, yes she is making a bigggg mistake.. buttt... i wouldnt go as far as saying you never want to talk to her again..

[dustin15brown]

update us lagos

[lagos]

Digndoug,

i have not spoken to her since and i dont plan to. here is why...

i did a lot for this girl over the years. she also always knew i was in love with her and kind of used that to her advantage. she even told my sister once, that she just dates other guys for the fun of it, but she would really love to marry me someday.

the last time we talked, she told me that she would go out with me, but she didnt want to miss out on this guy she just met. this was the end point for me where i realized that if some guy she barely knows is more important, then i have totally wasted my time with her. i started to feel that she never loved me and only did and said what i needed to hear, just so that i would be a part of her life the way i had been all these years. any girl that can do that to a guy for so long, and know the feelings at stake, is not worth my time. if i keep talking to her, she will just pull the same **** again for years. i would hate to marry her and find out she cheated on me or something. so its best to walk away now for good.

[Digndoug]

Digndoug,

i have not spoken to her since and i dont plan to. here is why...

i did a lot for this girl over the years. she also always knew i was in love with her and kind of used that to her advantage. she even told my sister once, that she just dates other guys for the fun of it, but she would really love to marry me someday.

the last time we talked, she told me that she would go out with me, but she didnt want to miss out on this guy she just met. this was the end point for me where i realized that if some guy she barely knows is more important, then i have totally wasted my time with her. i started to feel that she never loved me and only did and said what i needed to hear, just so that i would be a part of her life the way i had been all these years. any girl that can do that to a guy for so long, and know the feelings at stake, is not worth my time. if i keep talking to her, she will just pull the same **** again for years. i would hate to marry her and find out she cheated on me or something. so its best to walk away now for good.
[right][snapback]289337[/snapback][/right]

I kinda understand.. That kinda seemed like me an my ex.. she basicaly broke up with me.. then Im assuming, an was told, but she denied, that she had been with another guy, then tried to come back into my life. Like try to hang with me and do the norm stuff we would allways do. I did it for a week then thought what am i doing an said **** it.. I spoke to her, but kept it real brief.. an she felt like **** every time.. that was my point.

Women are screwd up ... ALL WOMEN most get caught up in there lil game an get screwed liek your friend..

Sorry bro, but you love once you will love again. It takes Balls to do what your doing.