Opinion on my relationship Please!, All opinions wanted please. Options

[JonCars17]

I've been in a relationship for a month now and it was going great until a week ago. Therefore I'd like to have everyone's opinion on this. Just put yourself in my position and hers and tell me what you think. I'll give you the facts and try to not leave out anything or to be biast because I want your honest opinion. I will show her the percentage of results to prove that my actions over this is justified because she claims I'm acting like an asshole. We are an hours drive away from eachother and I can't see her everyday because of her schedule with school and her mom because of her age (she is 18 in less than a month) and I'm 23.

Her Facts:
`Her ex-boyfriend still calls her
`He doesn't know about me
`When he calls, it is back to back until she answers
`He wants to get back together with her because he thinks she is single.
`She had a girl tell her that she was gonna beat her up today so she calls her ex wanting advice on how to handle the situation because he has been there before.
`He is violent towards other guys and doesn't want us to fight over her and claims it isn't my choice to tell him but hers and only hers.
`He has shown up to her house in hopes to get back together. They sat for like an hour with her family there.
`He is still number 2 on her myspace page where as I'm number 1. (I don't care about this, just stating).


My facts:
`I have 4 classes with a female friend
`My girlfriend doesn't like her (doesnt know her either)
`Her and I study together sometimes (very rarely) at the college campus' library, but only for a test, which is like everyother week if that, but not every test.
`We don't hang out or anything. (Friend and I)
`If I go to the library at all, she assumes I'm meeting up with the friend
`The friend and I only talk on the phone when she has missed a day of class and needs information on a test.

So far results have been from people I've asked are:
3 dump her (2 girls and 1 guy)

Note:
I made it loud and clear I didn't like him calling her and him not knowing about me long before this post, but now I'm just sick of it.

[dustin15brown]

honestly think about this: she has a past with him, trust is a rough thing, jealousy is even worse *from both sides*, you have dated ONE month, and already a bad week, that is 25% of your rel. in the beginning is on bad terms... If she's not ready to tell her ex she's got a new guy, it could be a major hint that you and her aren't very serious at all and potentially she doesn't see it long term.... When it all comes down to it, no ones opinion matters but yours and hers.... end of story

[jayi12-15psi]

kill the ex bf?

[Supersprynt]

Does her myspace say in a relationship? If your #1 on her page, and it says IAR I'd think he already knows.

Trust is THE MOST important thing. If you dont trust her, theres going to be no future. Same goes with her. If she doesnt trust you for no reason this is going to end real fast.

Girls dont like other girls, period. They are way more competitive than guys when it comes to this sorta thing. Her not liking this friend is normal, but she cant be telling you that your lying about seeing her, not after a month. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period.

I selected both of you are wrong cuz honestly I dont think this should be shown to her unless you already said "I'm going to post this ..." I do think that if she's not telling people especially ex's that your going out I think this spells trouble.

If she doesnt tell her ex's or ex about her new b/f, I'd say dump her.

[celicaandminilov...]

how long has she and the ex been split up? cuz if its been less than like 4 months this could just be a rebound for her... and to me it seems like she has been toying with the idea in her head for this past week, or maybe even longer

[JonCars17]

kill the ex bf?

Thought about it :-D, lol, but not gonna go to jail for doing something stupid.

Does her myspace say in a relationship? If your #1 on her page, and it says IAR I'd think he already knows.

Trust is THE MOST important thing. If you dont trust her, theres going to be no future. Same goes with her. If she doesnt trust you for no reason this is going to end real fast.

Girls dont like other girls, period. They are way more competitive than guys when it comes to this sorta thing. Her not liking this friend is normal, but she cant be telling you that your lying about seeing her, not after a month. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period.

I selected both of you are wrong cuz honestly I dont think this should be shown to her unless you already said "I'm going to post this ..." I do think that if she's not telling people especially ex's that your going out I think this spells trouble.

If she doesnt tell her ex's or ex about her new b/f, I'd say dump her.

Her myspace never changed even when they were broken up. So when they weren't together it still said In a Relationship so when we got to together that didn't change. All that changed was my position and his on the list. She is telling her friends that we are. Just not her ex and so far she has no intentions of doing so, which I donno why.

how long has she and the ex been split up? cuz if its been less than like 4 months this could just be a rebound for her... and to me it seems like she has been toying with the idea in her head for this past week, or maybe even longer

They have been broken up for 3 months roughly now. So maybe I am a rebound.

Edited:
I doubt she will ever go back to him because of him cheating and she has already stated many times that she would never go back to him because it was a crap relationship. I know this because I asked.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 13, 2006 - 12:13 PM

[devilsden97]

IMo and personal expierience, your the rebound guy, which sucks, but its only been a month, and u hopfully arent too involved yet. I say cut her loose.

in the end your the only one that can make this decision no matter what anyone else here says. its only gonna get harder to make as time goes on.

I'm currently having this problem (sorta) mine as a few extra twists...but basicly after talking to some people shes just being a whore, so im kicking her ass to the curb. After my last "relationship" (if you could call it that, most people here know the story) ive adopted this mentality:

"chicks arent worth ****. when the right one comes along, there wont be ANY grey areas."

Good luck bro, not an easy decision to make, but the soooner u deal with it, the easier it will be in the long run, take it from someone whos put stuff off entirely to long, and had to deal with it for INCREADIBLY to long.

This post has been edited by devilsden97: Dec 13, 2006 - 12:35 PM

[zachattack15]

Here is your problem.


SHe is 17 yrs old.

[shin]

ya both needs to lay everything on the table and work things out, if it doesn't work out... dump her. find someone else.

[CelicaBuddy]

I honestly think you should give her the boot...

Its only a month, and usually thats enough time to figure out a lot of things you like and dont like about the person... By the sounds of it it seems like you found more bad then good for you.

The fact that she didnt tell her ex about you, that he's still in the picture even though he shouldnt be, and the fact that she's not being trustful when it comes to you and your friend... I think its immaturity (is that even a word? well it is now if it isnt lol) on her part... I think she's too young for ya... In my opinion, if you get mixed in with someone a lot younger than you, be prepared to basically go back in time to high school and all its stupid lil drama... thats just what I feel

hope everything works out for ya

[My2Celi]

^ agreed. go for a girl who isnt troublesome. if there is drama coming upo like that, something is up and there is hidden truth

[Supersprynt]

I'm starting to think what alot of others are saying. Get rid of her. Seems like this is too much of a hassle this early on. Your better off just quitting before you get too attached.

[devilsden97]

I'm starting to think what alot of others are saying. Get rid of her. Seems like this is too much of a hassle this early on. Your better off just quitting before you get too attached.

bingo

[Rayme]

seriously, 18 years old don't know anything about relationship. You need to grow up to realise that...Try older chick, at 23 you should'nt have to deal with that sorta "ex boyfriend ****". Dump her.

[DomGT]

Here's my thoughts:

#1 Myspace is retarded, if you erased your account and never logged on again, your life would be better.

#2 If she cared about you, the relationship, and really wanted it to work (long term), she would not even want to talk to the ex BF.

#3 If it doesn't work out with your GF, you should date the girl you study with, she is a keeper (long term).

[CelicaBuddy]

seriously, 18 years old don't know anything about relationship. You need to grow up to realise that...Try older chick, at 23 you should'nt have to deal with that sorta "ex boyfriend ****". Dump her.

hahah hey now watch it

I'm 18... I use to be in the "kinda not really" similar situation JonCars gf is in... Except I told my my ex that I had a boyfriend which keep in mind i'm still with and we've been together a year. We even went through a period of not seeing each other for 2 months because my bf joined the army... I waited 2 months just for those 2 short days just to see him and I can honestly say I cant think of anything more amazing than those two days. I have been told numerous times that not many people could handle a relationship like this because its so hard to be away like that with lack of communication. Which it is... But it hasnt even effected us at all... in fact it made things stronger believe it or not... which is something I still dont really understand... hehe

But yeah... right after me and that ex broke up, I got with my current bf like 2 weeks later... My ex boyfriend kept calling and calling and stalking me basically, but I completely shut him out of my life. Which is what JonCars gf should have done...

I think it really depends on the person and their level of maturity, and not theyre age... Granted a lot of people 18 and under still dont know much, but there are some out there who are a lil different...

[JonMarkos]

Here is your problem.


SHe is 17 yrs old.

x2

The only thing a 23 year old should be doing with a 17 year old is something I shouldn't post on here, and that all depends on the laws of your state.

[uberschall]

three words, bro.

not worth it.

tell her this, verbatim: look, [her name here]...i thought you were a little more mature than you are. i gave you too much credit, and that was my mistake. this highschool bs is a bit below me now, so i'm going back to my adult life...without you, your insufferable s**tc**k ex, or any of your s**t. call me when you grow up, ok?

[LuvinMyCeli]

I think it boils down to how much drama you want in your life. It's obvious that this is causing conflict, and I don't know about you, but there's only so much I'd put up with. (At this point in my life, I have a zero tolerance policy for "drama" anyhow) Really though, weigh the pros and the cons. If you are ready to deal with this day in & day out, then stick with her. But if you aren't...it's time to move on. I can promise you that even if this issue blew over and she told the ex boyfriend that she no longer wanted to talk to him, there would be something else that would come up in the near future. It has afterall only been one month. Immaturity and the inability to see how you feel about this has a lot to do with it. You need to be focused on other things more important, and not dealing with added stress and drama of a dysfunctional relationship. I mean that in the nicest possible way. I feel like if she really cared about you, she'd be working on this with you and not fighting you about it all of the time. Sounds fishy to me.

Not to mention the lack of trust. I have found this to be true though: If someone is constantly nagging you about something; chances are they're doing that very thing themselves. Think about that. She's always accusing you of being with your female friend, and yet she won't even tell her ex-boyfriend that she's no longer single? Hmmm.

I think you'd find you were a whole lot happier in the long run if you let this one go. I can promise you'd see that in a future relationship where there's trust and a whole lot less drama. Hopefully none. Best wishes to you. I hope you get it figured out & make the right decision.

[JonCars17]

Thanks for the comments keep them coming if you like. All comments are much appreciated

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I say if you really like her keep with it. My bf and i have been together 2 months and im a very very jealous person and i got on his case about one of his girl friends who has been dating his friend for 3 years but she calls my boyfriend BOYFRIEND NUMBER 2 and im like UHH NO! and they both say its an inside joke and im like thats great but that inside joke didnt happen when i was around so no more of that crap. anyways my point is him and i had a rocky 3 weeks or so but things are perfect now and they got better.

I look at it this way...put up a bit of a fight for another month if you stay together great and if you dont then so what it was only a month or two of your time. ya know what i mean?


I see where shes coming from with the study partner of yours and I see where youre coming from with her ex. you both need to drop these people in ur life if you care enough about eachother.

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: Dec 13, 2006 - 7:55 PM

[JonCars17]

I say if you really like her keep with it. My bf and i have been together 2 months and im a very very jealous person and i got on his case about one of his girl friends who has been dating his friend for 3 years but she calls my boyfriend BOYFRIEND NUMBER 2 and im like UHH NO! and they both say its an inside joke and im like thats great but that inside joke didnt happen when i was around so no more of that crap. anyways my point is him and i had a rocky 3 weeks or so but things are perfect now and they got better.

I look at it this way...put up a bit of a fight for another month if you stay together great and if you dont then so what it was only a month or two of your time. ya know what i mean?


I see where shes coming from with the study partner of yours and I see where youre coming from with her ex. you both need to drop these people in ur life if you care enough about eachother.

She won't drop him. She claims that she doesn't want him to hurt me because he has done it before (not me but someone else). I've already told her to just let him hurt me and that I want him out. It only makes this worse that I can't see her regularly. Oh and we had a argument yesterday so I went to the library to study with my friend because I felt like getting out and talking to someone, which I ended up talking about her the whole time. So she felt like going and seeing her ex. They talked and went out to dinner with her family.

Edited:
I was jealous before now I'm being pushed to be more and more jealous because of all of this ****.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 13, 2006 - 8:31 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

well if shes not going nto get rid of him or atleast not talk to him then drop him. Whats up with the family having him around? my mom would be like uhh u shouldnt be bringing ur ex around and going to dinner with us if you have a bf

[Jen]

I agree with Natalie.

BUT. Here's my opinion. Girls lie. (So do boys.) But, really. Girls can "play" too. She might be with her "ex" behind your back. But she's covering it up so well that you don't know. I've done that before (I've obviously changed my ways).. but she could be doing this to you now. Or, she's only talking to her ex because she still has feelings for him.

Nonetheless, she seems very insecure as she is keeping her ex around, and gets upset/jealous when you hang out with your friend.

Knowing how upset she gets about your friend, I really think you should stop seeing her. Especially the part about talking to her at the library. I know that would make me upset.

You drop the "friend" and she needs to drop the ex. BOTH need to happen for the relationship to work.

If it doesn't, break up. Because it will only get worse from there.

[jgreening]

read the ladder theory. It explains this, and most other, situation(s) quite well. If you do a search for the word "ladder" in off-topic, you will find a link.

[x_itchy_b_x]

get rich. build a spaceship. pimp out your spaceship. then have interstellar hotties dig your whip. bang the interstellar hotties. thats best advice i can give to you on girls.

[Jen]

read the ladder theory. It explains this, and most other, situation(s) quite well. If you do a search for the word "ladder" in off-topic, you will find a link.

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

[gt_driFFter]

Ok, I'm starting to notice a bad trend here...

you both need to drop these people in ur life if you care enough about eachother.

I agree with Natalie.


You drop the "friend" and she needs to drop the ex. BOTH need to happen for the relationship to work.

Should his gf stop talking to her ex-bf? Of course, that's common sense and nobody can argue with that. There is NO reason for him to stop hanging out with his friend. They are friends, and have never had a history before. You guys are basically saying that a relationship can't work if either people have friends of the opposite sex.
I can see where you might think this, because I used to think the same thing before I met my current girlfriend. But now, a lot of the friends I hang out with are girls, and my girlfriend has 1 or 2 good guy friends. And on top of that, my best friend happens to be a girl. The reason why this works, is because we trust eachother and we know better than to get jealous because once it roots itself in the relationship, it only gets worse from there. My gf makes me happier than I've ever been , and there is nobody I would rather be with, than her.

If the roles were reversed, I would be telling you to stop being jealous about her guy friend, and that it is completely innappropriate for you to be seeing your ex. I have a feeling that some of the girls in this thread are going to come back saying that it's not fair that he gets to keep seeing his friend, and while his girlfriend has to cut off ties with her ex. This argument would be ridiculous and would not have any sense to it because:
a) he doesn't have, and hasn't had any type of feelings for this friend
and
b) this is not true about his gf and her ex

So basically, keep being friends with your classmate, since there is NOTHING wrong about that. The only problem lies in her jealousy that is a direct cause of guilt, or insecurity. Both of which, are things that SHE needs to get over, as that is part of growing up.

This post has been edited by gt_driFFter: Dec 14, 2006 - 3:37 AM

[CelicaBuddy]

^ well said!

Its not fair that he has to loose a friend just because his girlfriend lacks trust in him.

Trust I feel is what keeps a relationship at its healthiest. No one likes to be bogged down to who they can or cannot hang with... It has to be equal amoung the people sharing the relationship. If it goes unbalance and its not worked out... well then bye bye relationship.

[ExSane]

Look, the whole point is she should have told her Ex that she has you. Her Ex should learn to respect her's and yours relationship. It's not the case that it's her choice who she wants to be with. The whole point is she already has chosen and it's you so he needs to stfu and back off. He needs to look at the facts which is that you and her are together already in a relationship. He is trying come in between and steal her. Also, she is insecure about the whole college friend thing. Alot of guys like to call that, "B*tch Act'n Stupid." You don't even call your college friend every freakin day like she does with her Ex. She should limit her calls with her Ex not only to NOT disrespect you but her own personal relationship with you as well. I understand that she is being "friends" with her Ex but you have to understand that Ex's don't usually make good friends becuz of everything they been through together he/she still holds onto. But it seems as if she hasn't gotten over her Ex yet and she is only using you as a rebound. And if that's the case, dump her. You don't need that crap. No one does. You ain't no baby sitter. You're better than that.

PS. This is the reason why I mostly go out with women. Not little girls.

This post has been edited by ExSane: Dec 14, 2006 - 3:53 AM

[sinner96ST]

From my personal experience :

Girls with ex's still in their life inevitably wind up getting back with them, either one side or the other is still remotely interested in shacking up again, it's up to you to determine which one. There are exceptions to every rule, but I strongly believe that people who were in a serious relationship have a really tough time 'letting go' unless they went through a nasty divorce or a breakup.

If you've only been dating this girl a month and have had some drama, the problems will only get worse, not better. I'd run away screaming and go find some nice, unattached girl, who likes to give BJ's and races Supras or something.

[sinner96ST]

haha, i just found this on the ladder system :

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

The guy is gay
The guy does not find you attractive.
The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

I remember there being a thread about this and people were like DURR NO I HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS WHO ARE GIRLS and blah blah blah, I knew I was right. The above is 100% true. Thank you for shopping at OT.

[JonCars17]

Look, the whole point is she should have told her Ex that she has you. Her Ex should learn to respect her's and yours relationship. It's not the case that it's her choice who she wants to be with. The whole point is she already has chosen and it's you so he needs to stfu and back off. He needs to look at the facts which is that you and her are together already in a relationship. He is trying come in between and steal her. Also, she is insecure about the whole college friend thing. Alot of guys like to call that, "B*tch Act'n Stupid." You don't even call your college friend every freakin day like she does with her Ex. She should limit her calls with her Ex not only to NOT disrespect you but her own personal relationship with you as well. I understand that she is being "friends" with her Ex but you have to understand that Ex's don't usually make good friends becuz of everything they been through together he/she still holds onto. But it seems as if she hasn't gotten over her Ex yet and she is only using you as a rebound. And if that's the case, dump her. You don't need that crap. No one does. You ain't no baby sitter. You're better than that.

PS. This is the reason why I mostly go out with women. Not little girls.

She doesn't call him everyday. Only that once as far as I know. He calls her because he still loves her. I don't even call my friend unless I need class information. She calls me when she needs class information and only when she needs class information.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 14, 2006 - 6:16 AM

[Glitch001]

go after the other girl, when you ask a girl not to do something they will. its a defiance who knows, let her ruin a good thing. better than being cheated on by a dumb whore in my opinion. (not calling you or her a dumb whore, just those who cheat) so wary of advice from certain people, as they have cheated and manipulated people in the past. My advice, dump her, women are a dime a dozen dude, why stress over drama shes offering. If you said i dont like this, and she keeps doing it, she wouldnt do it. Its because she cant let go and is weak and sooner or later in a time of remorse when maybe your not around, she'll run to him.

After people have sex you really cant have a relationship that can lower itself down, so if she slept with this ex, you can bet thats what he wants back and she is looking to reestablish her feelings without the work. Easy trade off, just makes her a whore if she does that. Just ask some girls you know (or from this site) if they have ever cheated, it will kinda sicken you in their reasoning. but ya..

Short answer: dump her, its better than being cheated on.

[Supersprynt]

I am disagreeing with alot of what you all are saying (mostly Jen, Natalie). Your going out with someone for one month and your going to tell them to stop talking to some of their friends? Hows is that remotely a good start to a relationship, by telling them what to do and who they can hang out with? Nobody likes being told what to do especially from somoene they just met. If your gf has known her ex for a long time, you can't expect her to just stop talking to him. Certain things must change like the two of them going out alone and chillin but talking to them? And I'm sure you dont want her to tell you that you cannot talk to this person or that person because they are jealous.

My g/f talks to a couple of her ex's and I do to. Am I thrilled with it? Certainly not but I trust her so I dont worry about it. They are ex bf's for a reason, they didnt work out. Not allowing your sig. other to have friends of the opposite sex is ridiculous. Certain rules apply to ex's but thats it. If you dont trust your s.o. theres no relationship. Long distance relationships but a very heavy strain on this and thats why alot do not work.

Bottom line: you do not NEED her to stop talking to her ex and you do not NEED to stop talking to females because this one study partner isnt where it will end. What you NEED to do is tell her if she's not telling the people who she should be telling about your relationship, she's out.

[Mynzeyes]

If you are asking for advice on your relationship on a Celica message board, then that should be your answer right there.

[JonCars17]

I am disagreeing with alot of what you all are saying (mostly Jen, Natalie). Your going out with someone for one month and your going to tell them to stop talking to some of their friends? Hows is that remotely a good start to a relationship, by telling them what to do and who they can hang out with? Nobody likes being told what to do especially from somoene they just met. If your gf has known her ex for a long time, you can't expect her to just stop talking to him. Certain things must change like the two of them going out alone and chillin but talking to them? And I'm sure you dont want her to tell you that you cannot talk to this person or that person because they are jealous.

My g/f talks to a couple of her ex's and I do to. Am I thrilled with it? Certainly not but I trust her so I dont worry about it. They are ex bf's for a reason, they didnt work out. Not allowing your sig. other to have friends of the opposite sex is ridiculous. Certain rules apply to ex's but thats it. If you dont trust your s.o. theres no relationship. Long distance relationships but a very heavy strain on this and thats why alot do not work.

Bottom line: you do not NEED her to stop talking to her ex and you do not NEED to stop talking to females because this one study partner isnt where it will end. What you NEED to do is tell her if she's not telling the people who she should be telling about your relationship, she's out.

I don't really want her to stop talking to him because it is not my place to say.. yet. I just mainly want him to know about her and I as a couple.

If you are asking for advice on your relationship on a Celica message board, then that should be your answer right there.

I'm not asking for advice. I'm asking for opinions. Regardless what everyone here says I will end up making my own decision.

This post has been edited by JonCars17: Dec 14, 2006 - 9:41 AM

[Negative]

Oh and we had a argument yesterday so I went to the library to study with my friend because I felt like getting out and talking to someone, which I ended up talking about her the whole time. So she felt like going and seeing her ex. They talked and went out to dinner with her family.

Woah are you f*ckin serious? Now I see why you date girls so much younger than you. You still have the high school drama thing down. Both of you were definetly wrong on that one. Plus regardless of what you say your reasonings are, you basically just used your college friend as a weapon against your girl

If you are asking for advice on your relationship on a Celica message board, then that should be your answer right there.

X10

My advice: Dump this girl nicely and then be alone for a while, grow up some and then start dating girls who are at least of legal age.

[JonCars17]

if you must know, she is the legal age here. So shut up before you feel stupid.

I'm sorry I don't have many friends in this small hick town. Most of my friends have jobs and work during the day.

So I guess I'll just stay home and cry about every damn thing. < - sarcastic

[Negative]

I don't feel stupid at all. As if a lame comment like that could induce any feelings of stupidity in myself? Whatever - you asked for opinions and you got plenty. You gotta admit that was pretty childish of you to have an arguement and then run to the one person she seems to be having a problem with the most. Further it's pretty childish to be airing yours and her personal problems on a CELICA website. Off topic or no.
Don't they make places like MySpace for this sort of drama?
BTW - I noticed you didn't shoot off at the mouth on Mynzeyez comment. Is that because he is a moderator and you fear the repurcussions?

This post has been edited by Negative: Dec 14, 2006 - 10:17 AM

[Mynzeyes]

BTW - I noticed you didn't shoot off at the mouth on Mynzeyez comment. Is that because he is a moderator and you fear the repurcussions?

I'm not a moderator anymore. It's been a couple of years since I moderated these boards.

BTW, I'm 25, dating a 19 year old. There's really no difference in this. I'm in a full-time career-esque 8 to 5 job, and she's in college.

The main issue with this type of relationship, is the compatibility of maturity levels. She's very educated and mature, and I'm slightly immature for my age. So, we meet in the middle. Also, I will openly admit that she is much more educated than me on things such as politics, religion, history, etc. I know how to work on cars and electronics and engineering.

I realize none of this has anything to do with anything, but I'm just giving an example of when large age gaps can work.

If she's worried about mentioning your relationship to certain people, it's obvious that she is not mature enough for the situation, and still feels that the reprecusions on her image are worth far more than the status of your relationship.

In short:
Her social image > Your relationship.

That's a bad equation, no matter how you look at it.

-John-

[Negative]

I'm not a moderator anymore. It's been a couple of years since I moderated these boards.

My apologies at putting you in a place where you no longer are.
I agree 100% with what you said above. My girlfriend is 23 and I'm 31 so I understand. The main thing that makes us perfect for each other is that she is very mature for her age and I am quite immature when it comes to things like going out still and always looking for a party etc.
The problem I see with this other relationship is the girl is still high school age and therefore subjuct to high school age behavior.
W/e - I come on here to get ideas/help for modding my car not this MySpace crap. I'm out.

[IdiotStick]

This topic hurts my head. So I say dump her, because she isn't mature for her age at all, and should grow up. If she hasent told her X about you that can only lead to trouble. If you are looking for a real relationship, toss her out the door at speeds over the speed limit. If you're lookin for a good time, keep her there on a string, while you poke around looking for others...and when you need a good time, tug on the string.

[Supersprynt]

If she's going out to dinner with her ex and isnt telling him about you theres probably something going on.

Dump her.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I dont tell my boyfriend who he can and cant be friends with but i do make it known that there cant be double standards. Cuz he gets upset if I hang with a guy friend and I dont even have the want to hang with my guy friends anymore really because my boyfriend lives 1.5 hours away and I have to take a boat just to see him and im there almost every day so I dont really have time to see anyone but him and my best friend who is a girl.

[hurley97]

Should his gf stop talking to her ex-bf? Of course, that's common sense and nobody can argue with that. There is NO reason for him to stop hanging out with his friend. They are friends, and have never had a history before. You guys are basically saying that a relationship can't work if either people have friends of the opposite sex.
I can see where you might think this, because I used to think the same thing before I met my current girlfriend. But now, a lot of the friends I hang out with are girls, and my girlfriend has 1 or 2 good guy friends. And on top of that, my best friend happens to be a girl. The reason why this works, is because we trust eachother and we know better than to get jealous because once it roots itself in the relationship, it only gets worse from there. My gf makes me happier than I've ever been , and there is nobody I would rather be with, than her.

If the roles were reversed, I would be telling you to stop being jealous about her guy friend, and that it is completely innappropriate for you to be seeing your ex. I have a feeling that some of the girls in this thread are going to come back saying that it's not fair that he gets to keep seeing his friend, and while his girlfriend has to cut off ties with her ex. This argument would be ridiculous and would not have any sense to it because:
a) he doesn't have, and hasn't had any type of feelings for this friend
and
b) this is not true about his gf and her ex

So basically, keep being friends with your classmate, since there is NOTHING wrong about that. The only problem lies in her jealousy that is a direct cause of guilt, or insecurity. Both of which, are things that SHE needs to get over, as that is part of growing up.

I have guy friends that I hang out with sometimes who I know there will never be anything more between us, but I also understand how thats hard for the one I'm in a relationship with to accept.

about the ex-bf thing, her hanging out with him alone and calling him for anything before calling you and having dinner with him and her family is bad. shes probably keeping some kind of relationship with him just incase you fall through. if shes truely over him she'd have no problem telling him about you and cutting him off completely. I broke up with my ex after being with him for just over 3 years. talk about doomed from the start, we were having stupid arguments like 2 or 3 weeks into the relationship, it only got worse from there. the longer you put off a breakup the harder it gets

[BlackCelicaGT94]

From what i read it doesnt sound like the girl he studies with isnt a friend so why didnt he choose a guy study partner? Also i am the type of girl who doesnt think new opposite sex friends should be coming into one anothers lives when youre in a relationship cuz one side probably wants the other side. Thats just how i feel. Im new to the whole relationship thing so I am still feeling my way out with all of this and luckily have a boyfriend who understands that and is really nice and puts up a fight when he thinks something is wrong so its good hes not a pushover or anything. Ive never really had a long meaningful relationship. ive always just dated so really im not the best to give advice :-)

[Rjb23]

First off what no one in this thread has asked yet are you 2 in a commited relationship? Have you said that you are not going to see anyone but each other?

If so then grow a pair and give her an altamatum. Tell her either she tells her ex about you or she get to the curb. Its just plain disrespectful to you that she is still talking to her ex.

As for you friend she has no right to tell you that you can not talk to her, you have been going out for a month, not 6 not 12.

Also if you are already having these problems, then don't get attached, its not going to last. Just "get some" and have fun for now.

[JonCars17]

From what i read it doesnt sound like the girl he studies with isnt a friend so why didnt he choose a guy study partner? Also i am the type of girl who doesnt think new opposite sex friends should be coming into one anothers lives when youre in a relationship cuz one side probably wants the other side. Thats just how i feel. Im new to the whole relationship thing so I am still feeling my way out with all of this and luckily have a boyfriend who understands that and is really nice and puts up a fight when he thinks something is wrong so its good hes not a pushover or anything. Ive never really had a long meaningful relationship. ive always just dated so really im not the best to give advice :-)

I have had this class friend for 2 or 3 months longer than I've been in the relationship. We studied together before I got into the relationship. I wasn't looking to get into a relationship until she gave me her number.

As for the commited relationship question. We are as far as I know infact she has even asked me if she should even be friends with her ex when he asked her. I told her no because of him being an ass and him just trying to get close to her. I also stated that he will never want to be just friends.

Sorry but I'm tired of thinking about this so I doubt I reply anymore. I'm gonna give her a week or two and see how things go.

[jason]

you should date the girl you study with, she is a keeper (long term).

x2

[robdrummer]

Girls just suck money and time away from ur car. plus the only needy part of a car is gas. just stay single

[Supersprynt]

update?

[FreddyTheOthaMea...]

I voted your both wrong.
for starters at 17 (god man.. lol) unless shes had a rough upbringing or something to maybe make her more mature past her age obviously childish incidents like this will happen. she should of right off the bat told the ex to bugger off due to the fact that shes moved on and is in another relationship. she shouldnt be getting bent out of shape over the fact that you have female friends (more childish nonesense as any mature adult wouldnt care due to the fact that there would be a little thing called TRUST) Ive been married for 5 years been together with my wife for 6 years and been best friends for 7, never have i once had any trust issues where i freaked out about her having any guy friends. heck ive been really friends with most of em lol. to make a long story short, if your having trust issues only a month into the relationship theres obviously something just wrong to start off with. and her needing your advice if to keep the ex around as a friend is pretty wishy-washy as it is. i agree with the previous post, go for the girl in your class.. at least shes looking ahead... ;] (that and i dunno about anyone else but i got a thing for chicks with glasses) awwwwright

[Shocker]

As for you friend she has no right to tell you that you can not talk to her, you have been going out for a month, not 6 not 12.

just to let you know ive been going out with my girlfriend for 21 months we are both 18 go to different schools and what not and she never tells me who i can and who i cant talk to.Nor do i tell her not to talk to ill give her a hard time somthimes if i find ou shes been talking to a dickhead but i dont tell her she has to stop,its her decision,and from her decisions i can tell what she thinks about me and our relationship.And as you can tell its been going very well. Her best freind is a guy "ME",but that aside the person she hangs out with most other than me is a guy.Its cool and a lot of my freinds are girls she gives me a hard time but never anything out of meaness.
And do what i did with my Girlfreinds ex..Well i did it will a lot of her ex's since we go to differnt schools and all and i had to make my presence known.. I would go up and introduce myself to them and tell them who i am.And i think you should do it too if you think that her ex boyfreind is the cause of these problems you are having. At least he would know whats up with you and her.

[JonCars17]

update?

Yeah we broke up. We are gonna going out sometime this weekend and talk about everything and see where it goes. The way it seems is we both still have feelings for eachother and I'm waiting to give it another shot. The trust thing has been delt with and I understand most of the things she does and why now. I think the break up was the best decision we both could have made for the relationship, but whether it works out or not, we'll just have to see. If we do break up again then I doubt I will give it another shot and will just move on.

As for her ex-bf, I'm not worried about him anymore. He is currently going through what most would call depression because of him losing her and he has mentioned killing himself because of it. I know this from his myspace page. This is probably why she believes he would hurt me if he found out about me (name wise and all). He does know she is seeing someone just not who and she isn't the one that told him. (No I didn't either).

As for the other girl, she isn't an option and never was. I've already tried to get with her before and she doesn't see me as a bf or anywhere in the ballpark. Hell she won't even hang out with me. I asked if she wanted to hangout at a movie this past weekend (I'm single) and all I got out of her was a I donno which never became a no or a yes. Besides I stopped looking at her as anything other than a friend because of this long before I even met the girl I'm seeing (now ex til we go out).

As for this post, I just wanted to see if I was alone in how I felt about this situation. I never wanted adivce on how to deal with it or anything, which is why I wanted everyone to just tell me what they would feel towards all of this. This is why I was asking for opinions and not advice.

I personally dont care about age aslong as they are of age and are atleast 6 or 5 younger than me max because of my parents. I did not go looking for her, she came looking for me. She gave me her number without me even asking for it. We would have seen eachother this past weekend but her mom was being a butt and she had family down from alabama.

[devilsden97]

"call depression because of him losing her and he has mentioned killing himself because of it."

No loss of a chick is ever worth killing yourself over.

He has more issues then either of you could understand.

This post has been edited by devilsden97: Jan 3, 2007 - 4:40 PM