 Welcome to the ever-collapsing world of John... |
 Nov 17, 2004 - 10:18 PM
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 Enthusiast  Joined Aug 29, '02 From Franklin/Nashville, TN Currently Offline Reputation: 16 (100%)  |
if you don't feel like reading it...i don't care.
background: 6+ years of my life is gone...and despite the desire to be "friends"...we can't, because any attempt to talk to her, i'm accused of being nosey, and it's no longer "any of my concern" or "business". here are some words to marinate on...give your feedback...but i can't promise you that i'll even give a damn... QUOTE Mynzeyes: she's just so consumed Mynzeyes: in making "her own life" Mynzeyes: that i'm being completely shut out Mynzeyes: it's like Mynzeyes: there's no line to differentiate between total involvement Mynzeyes: and complete segregation. Mynzeyes: it's one or the other. Mynzeyes: so when i tryt o simply talk to her Mynzeyes: i'm being nosey Mynzeyes: because she's so amazed by the fact that she's "her own person" Mynzeyes: it's like she's so ****ing thrilled Mynzeyes: that i'm no longer there Mynzeyes: like i was some huge burden on her Mynzeyes: that now...she's free. Mynzeyes: she's no longer a captive Mynzeyes: and she "controls herself" Mynzeyes: and it's just absolutely mesmorizing to think that i could have caused such anguish in her life Mynzeyes: to make things so much ****ing better without me Mynzeyes: i wish Mynzeyes: i could just ****ING GET OVER IT Mynzeyes: BECAUSE THIS DOES NOTHING FOR ME Mynzeyes: all i do Mynzeyes: is sit here Mynzeyes: and ****ing stress over it Mynzeyes: and it gets me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING Mynzeyes: it makes me WORSE Mynzeyes: but i do it anyway Mynzeyes: i still... Mynzeyes: would do anything in this ****ing world for her Mynzeyes: i would still die for her Mynzeyes: but she wouldn't even ****ing notice Mynzeyes: and it eats me Mynzeyes: from the inside out Mynzeyes: until i will only remain a shell of a person Mynzeyes: because i'm too weak to stop it Mynzeyes: ok Mynzeyes: let's put everything aside Mynzeyes: except for me and her Mynzeyes: and what we had. Mynzeyes: what did i get out of this... Mynzeyes: did i get what i wanted? Mynzeyes: no Mynzeyes: did i fail at my "mission" in life? Mynzeyes: yes Mynzeyes: did i lose everything i've ever had Mynzeyes: and ever wanted? Mynzeyes: yes Mynzeyes: do i understand ANYTHING about it? Mynzeyes: no. Mynzeyes: did i learn anything? Mynzeyes: yes. Mynzeyes: what did i learn? Mynzeyes: that there is nothing more to life than CONSTANTLY BEING DISAPPOINTED. Mynzeyes: and constantly longing for that one bit of happiness Mynzeyes: that is always right there... Mynzeyes: but you just can't ****ing grab it Mynzeyes: because to do that Mynzeyes: would be to achieve Mynzeyes: but once you achieve true happiness Mynzeyes: there's no reason to live after that.. Mynzeyes: but the thing they don't tell you Mynzeyes: is that being SO close to said achievement Mynzeyes: and it moving away Mynzeyes: constantly wears at your soul Mynzeyes: and after so long...you have nothing left. Mynzeyes: you don't know who you are Mynzeyes: you don't know what you want Mynzeyes: you dont' know where to go Mynzeyes: you are lost... Mynzeyes: which brings us to where i am. Mynzeyes: lost. Mynzeyes: soulless. Mynzeyes: i have no motivation to do anything Mynzeyes: seeking true happiness is seemingly endless Mynzeyes: and mesmorizingly painful Mynzeyes: throughout every step you must take. Mynzeyes: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Mynzeyes: i cry. Mynzeyes: and i wish. Mynzeyes: and i hope. Mynzeyes: but all it does is dig me deeper into my abyss. Mynzeyes: because my ship isn't coming back... Mynzeyes: my ship seemingly doesn't notice that it's a man light... Mynzeyes: it's like... Mynzeyes: wishing that your deceased loved one would return Mynzeyes: no matter what Mynzeyes: nothing is bringing them back Mynzeyes: but you can't help but wish Mynzeyes: and think Mynzeyes: and all it does is hurt Mynzeyes: it solves nothing Mynzeyes: but you just can't ****ing help it Mynzeyes: because you're so attached Mynzeyes: and no matter who tells you your anguish is futile Mynzeyes: you don't care Mynzeyes: because you feel so strongly about something Mynzeyes: that it consumes your entire being Mynzeyes: no matter how much you KNOW that things will never be the same Mynzeyes: you dwell on how much you want it to be Mynzeyes: people say...it's because of "comfort" with that person Mynzeyes: or that situation Mynzeyes: but they don't have a ****ing clue Mynzeyes: sure it's comfortable Mynzeyes: but that's because your heart, mind, and soul are intertwined with something Mynzeyes: and to sever that Mynzeyes: is to shred the threads of life... Mynzeyes: much like the shearn sweater of yesteryear Mynzeyes: such is your being Mynzeyes: because of 1 single person Mynzeyes: in a world of however many billion... Mynzeyes: 1 person..possesses the power to destroy someone Mynzeyes: from the inside Mynzeyes: which is far far worse than any physical pain you could ever fathom Mynzeyes: so... Mynzeyes: i don't care Mynzeyes: what other people think of her Mynzeyes: no one knew her like i did Mynzeyes: no one can change what happened. Mynzeyes: no one can change the pain Mynzeyes: the happiness Mynzeyes: no one can understand my love Mynzeyes: people can understand love Mynzeyes: but they can never understand MY love. Mynzeyes: and...neither will i... Mynzeyes: as much as i don't want to, and know i shouldn't, and know it's not a good idea Mynzeyes: but i wish Mynzeyes: i wish she could see what i've told you Mynzeyes: i don't know that she would even understand me Mynzeyes: at all. Mynzeyes: i'm drained... Mynzeyes: mentally. Mynzeyes: emotionally Mynzeyes: and physically. Mynzeyes: again. Mynzeyes: sigh Mynzeyes: i wish i could keep articulating myself Mynzeyes: but Mynzeyes: i just can't... -John- -------------------- AIM==Mynzeyes
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Replies
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Nov 18, 2004 - 2:25 AM
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 Enthusiast Joined Mar 4, '03 From Kirkland, Washington Currently Offline Reputation: 0 (0%) |
  sorry to get away from the real issue - but i see the resemblence http://mynzeyes.myftp.org/smilies/off-topic2.gif Anyways john - keep ur head up - THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON! take this experience and learn from it -------------------- Cruisin down the street in my Infiniti...always lookin for my next trip to Sin City
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Posts in this topic
Mynzeyes Welcome to the ever-collapsing world of John... Nov 17, 2004 - 10:18 PM
Mynzeyes i know i'm just depressed...so please don... Nov 17, 2004 - 10:21 PM Jen *sigh* you know that I'm always here for you.. Nov 17, 2004 - 10:22 PM
Mynzeyes QUOTE(Jen @ Nov 17, 2004 - 9:22 PM)*sigh* you... Nov 17, 2004 - 10:27 PM Digndoug The best thing is, every day it ill hurt less and ... Nov 17, 2004 - 10:28 PM FallenHero We're with ya John. Nov 17, 2004 - 10:31 PM Mike I know exactly how you feel man, I went through th... Nov 17, 2004 - 11:27 PM dstrbcelica i <3 you john!
-dstrb Nov 17, 2004 - 11:56 PM x_itchy_b_x wow. john. that sucks. to bad she isnt realizing h... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:05 AM fastgt i know people will drown you with the crap that th... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:11 AM thedevilmaycrie yo john forget about it ..... i know it hurts bro ... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:12 AM chucho yeah relationships suck a## when they end badly sp... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:16 AM Akimbo Hey John, I love you man! You know we always t... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:40 AM Yota you got that right...even then its still tough.
I... Nov 18, 2004 - 12:56 AM Mynzeyes QUOTE(Yota @ Nov 17, 2004 - 11:56 PM)you got ... Nov 18, 2004 - 1:37 AM mr_dude Don't look at it as part of your life wasted. ... Nov 18, 2004 - 1:04 AM mr_dude Not going to try to say I can relate to the relati... Nov 18, 2004 - 1:40 AM NEVERSTOP QUOTEi just need to figure out how to let go...and... Nov 18, 2004 - 1:50 AM jojobombiest I will seriously NEVER get women. Nov 18, 2004 - 1:59 AM funnyboy117 QUOTE(jojobombiest @ Nov 17, 2004 - 11:59 PM)... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:06 AM NEVERSTOP QUOTEI will seriously NEVER get women.
hey john ... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:11 AM Mynzeyes QUOTE(NEVERSTOP @ Nov 18, 2004 - 1:11 AM)QUOT... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:18 AM Mynzeyes that's such a bad drawing... . i did so much b... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:27 AM BlackCelicaGT94 i meant that :-) Nov 18, 2004 - 2:27 AM BlackCelicaGT94 Ur sight entertains me john - incase u care Nov 18, 2004 - 2:28 AM Mynzeyes QUOTE(BlackCelicaGT94 @ Nov 18, 2004 - 1:28 A... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:29 AM BlackCelicaGT94 even if i liked u i still would charge u - cuz im ... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:32 AM Blakout16 mmm that was deep. i cant say like the others i... Nov 18, 2004 - 2:39 AM timbo John, I am sure you know who this and the backgrou... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:46 AM Jen QUOTE(timbo @ Nov 18, 2004 - 3:46 AM)John, I ... Nov 18, 2004 - 6:49 AM Jonathan QUOTE(Mynzeyes @ Nov 17, 2004 - 8:18 PM)if yo... Nov 18, 2004 - 7:25 AM timbo QUOTE(Jen @ Nov 18, 2004 - 7:49 AM)Hopefully ... Nov 18, 2004 - 7:50 AM Jen QUOTE(timbo @ Nov 18, 2004 - 7:50 AM)QUOTE(Je... Nov 18, 2004 - 7:51 AM Hym3n Learn to fiberglass. Make something cool, realize ... Nov 18, 2004 - 10:16 AM Jen QUOTE(Hym3n @ Nov 18, 2004 - 10:16 AM)I lost ... Nov 18, 2004 - 10:35 AM Jonathan ^ If i was told that....And I was in johns shoes..... Nov 18, 2004 - 10:31 AM Supersprynt QUOTE(Jonathan @ Nov 18, 2004 - 10:31 AM)^ If... Nov 18, 2004 - 10:40 AM hioctane deleted Nov 18, 2004 - 12:21 PM sinner96ST there are only three things you'll ever have t... Nov 18, 2004 - 1:11 PM Mynzeyes thnx to everyone...i just have to figure out how t... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:21 PM Supersprynt Theres no formala man, all you do is hang tough, b... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:27 PM BlackCelicaGT94 heres my advice
if ur a 6gc guy and u have a girl... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:34 PM fastgt thats kinda hard to find Nov 18, 2004 - 3:39 PM BlackCelicaGT94 true but i guess 3 lucky guys gets to talk to us g... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:48 PM Mynzeyes meh, already found one... *cough*
just gotta figu... Nov 18, 2004 - 3:53 PM Jen :x I wonder who. Nov 18, 2004 - 3:55 PM timbo ME! =x Nov 18, 2004 - 4:09 PM Jen Back off.. John's mine. :x Kthx. Nov 18, 2004 - 4:13 PM timbo =[ Fine. Sry John but, it's over. Nov 18, 2004 - 4:15 PM Mynzeyes QUOTE(timbo @ Nov 18, 2004 - 3:15 PM)=[ Fine.... Nov 18, 2004 - 4:16 PM coustoe dumping someone first is always the solution. Nov 18, 2004 - 5:00 PM Yota Ok, I'm a little out of the loop. Is there so... Nov 18, 2004 - 5:26 PM Mynzeyes QUOTE(Yota @ Nov 18, 2004 - 4:26 PM)Ok, I... Nov 18, 2004 - 5:34 PM Yota Gotcha, well i hope everything works out for both ... Nov 18, 2004 - 5:38 PM Anub1s Hey John I hope that everything works out for the ... Nov 18, 2004 - 5:50 PM Consynx im so confused how you, jen, and natalie were in t... Nov 18, 2004 - 6:01 PM Jen John, Natalie and I were not in the same place.
I... Nov 18, 2004 - 6:04 PM Consynx ah, okay...thought there was all the girls on 6gc ... Nov 18, 2004 - 6:15 PM Kamakiri Bleh.... Life can suck sometimes..... I got droppe... Nov 19, 2004 - 5:15 PM |
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