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> Teh Offical Post Your Joke Thread
post Mar 24, 2005 - 12:45 PM
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thedevilmaycrie



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A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not **** in the vegetable garden again either!"

This post has been edited by thedevilmaycrie: Mar 24, 2005 - 5:04 PM
 
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post Mar 24, 2005 - 4:47 PM
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Jdog1385



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-I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy....I'd have nothing to play with.

-A girl phoned me the other day and said .... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

-During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

-One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy .... "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

-Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

-I was such an ugly kid........When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

-I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

-I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

-I'm so ugly...My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

-When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father........ I'm very sorry....... We did everything we could......But he pulled through.

-I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness....... AFTER I was born.

-I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

-Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said. "I don't know, kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

-My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

-I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

-I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

-I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

-RIP Rodney Dangerfield

Posts in this topic
- thedevilmaycrie   Teh Offical Post Your Joke Thread   Mar 24, 2005 - 12:45 PM
- - shin   lol.....i wonder what would the cab driver be thin...   Mar 24, 2005 - 12:47 PM
- - thedevilmaycrie   Two little old ladies were attending a rather long...   Mar 24, 2005 - 12:54 PM
- - thedevilmaycrie   HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 1:46 PM
- - doGGy   2 blonds walking down the road near the rye field....   Mar 24, 2005 - 2:13 PM
- - Akimbo   I don't drink any more.... ....course, I...   Mar 24, 2005 - 2:23 PM
- - sphinx   This is a Memo i sent out to my employess here at ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 2:38 PM
- - BlackCelicaGT94   A girl turns to her mother and asks "mommy - ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:23 PM
- - blkGT   not funny natalie. didnt you hear michael jackson ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:33 PM
|- - pr_caralho   QUOTE(blkGT @ Mar 24, 2005 - 3:33 PM)not funn...   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:49 PM
|- - Akimbo   QUOTE(blkGT @ Mar 24, 2005 - 3:33 PM)not funn...   Mar 24, 2005 - 7:50 PM
|- - blkGT   QUOTE(Akimbo @ Mar 24, 2005 - 5:50 PM)QUOTE(b...   Mar 26, 2005 - 2:46 PM
- - thedevilmaycrie   BWAH HAHAAHA   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:36 PM
- - thedevilmaycrie   A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who inv...   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:38 PM
- - Drocay   HAAHAHHAHAHA   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:40 PM
- - thedevilmaycrie   ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while t...   Mar 24, 2005 - 3:49 PM
- - Supersprynt   It was a really hot day and this blonde decided sh...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:11 PM
- - Supersprynt   A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to h...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:22 PM
- - Supersprynt   Ad seen in the New York Times... FOR SALE BY OWNE...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:24 PM
- - Supersprynt   A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:30 PM
- - Jdog1385   -I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:47 PM
- - carb0n_f1b3r   During a sermon, the preacher says to his congrega...   Mar 24, 2005 - 4:50 PM
- - orvillescelica   there are two fish in a tank. One fish turns to t...   Mar 24, 2005 - 5:03 PM
- - jgreening   A man works for a construction company and gets tr...   Mar 24, 2005 - 5:41 PM
- - shin   LMFAO that ****'s f**kin funny jgreening..... ...   Mar 24, 2005 - 6:50 PM
- - madmods   A millionaire was having a huge party at his estat...   Mar 24, 2005 - 7:51 PM
- - StrangerDanger   A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three d...   Mar 24, 2005 - 8:26 PM
- - CelicaBuddy   Its sucha bad joke but what the hell..... How did...   Mar 25, 2005 - 12:14 PM
- - WannabeGT4   A man enjoying a few drinks in a bar leaned over t...   Mar 25, 2005 - 8:21 PM
- - creis   Birth Control: The doctor, who had been seein...   Mar 26, 2005 - 7:02 AM
- - thedevilmaycrie   IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural...   Mar 31, 2005 - 10:51 AM
- - vangSTa_celica   One happy evening in the land of vegetation, a boy...   Mar 31, 2005 - 11:17 AM
- - juBz86   why did the chicken cross the road??? -to get ...   Apr 1, 2005 - 2:24 AM
- - WannabeGT4   A married couple is driving down the interstate at...   Apr 13, 2005 - 6:42 PM
- - Ethnykceli   what is so good about 29 year olds? there is...   Apr 13, 2005 - 8:16 PM
- - CAMAricer   A cow, a chicken, and a goat walks into a bar and ...   Jul 6, 2008 - 5:44 PM
- - shaunrichard   Oldies but goodies: A pirate walks into a bar and...   Jul 8, 2008 - 9:02 PM
- - Jeunesse   If Nissan Motorsport International Limited is NISM...   Jul 10, 2008 - 9:00 AM
|- - jcaron9gt4   QUOTE (Jeunesse @ Jul 10, 2008 - 10...   Jul 10, 2008 - 2:34 PM
|- - D-Man   QUOTE (jcaron9gt4 @ Jul 10, 2008 - 2...   Jul 11, 2008 - 9:52 AM
- - Jeunesse   aggghhh dude you ruined it.. lolz   Jul 11, 2008 - 9:31 AM
- - jcaron9gt4   Well i'm sorry that it didnt make sense   Jul 11, 2008 - 9:57 AM
- - FreddyTheOthaMeat   my turn.. q: How did the country know Eliot Spitz...   Jul 11, 2008 - 1:19 PM
- - D-Man   QUOTE (jcaron9gt4 @ Jul 11, 2008 - 9...   Jul 11, 2008 - 1:30 PM
- - jcaron9gt4   i was talking about me "ruining" the jok...   Jul 11, 2008 - 1:56 PM
- - D-Man   A young guy from Texas moves to California and goe...   Jul 11, 2008 - 2:49 PM
- - D-Man   Four U.S. presidents are caught in a tornado and a...   Jul 11, 2008 - 4:05 PM
- - 808celica   this should be alright cuz im not saying anything ...   Jul 13, 2008 - 4:10 AM


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