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[thedevilmaycrie]

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not **** in the vegetable garden again either!"

This post has been edited by thedevilmaycrie: Mar 24, 2005 - 5:04 PM

[jgreening]

A man works for a construction company and gets transferred to a project in the middle of the desert. The company transports the workers out to the desert from a nearby town where they stay for weeks on end. After a few nights in the desert, the man is really missing his regular attention from the ladies so he asks his supervisor if he could borrow a car to go into town. His supervisor replies that no vehicles are available and that someone would be there to pick the workers up in six weeks. The supervisor reminded the man that the nearest town was 50 miles away and offered his apologies to the man. Deflated, the man accepts the explanation and goes back to his tent.

Several days later, the urges are much greater so he approaches his supervisor again. Again, the supervisor gives the same response. Pleading, the man explains that he hasn't been with a woman in over a week and that if he does not have the opportunity to do so quickly, he is going to go crazy. The supervisor thinks long and hard and tries to size the man and his situation up. Finally, he says, come over here behind this tent. The man follows the supervisor. He says:

"Look, this kind of problem often happens to guys when they are out here." There are no women around here so we do what we have to relieve ourselves."

"What exactly do you mean?", says the man.

"Well" replies the supervisor in a very low voice, "if you get REALLY desperate, there is always that camel over there" wherein he points to a camel tied up to a cactus.

The man is astounded and offended but, because the suggestion came from his supervisor, he politely replied "I couldn't possibly" in the most respecful way. His supervisor replied: "Well if you ever change your mind, shes always tied up right here just for that purpose."

Several more weeks go by.

One night when everyone is asleep, the man can't sleep because of his excited condition and built up energy. He decides that he doesn't care anymore and that if other people had used the camel for pleasure, it must be ok. He jumps out of the tent, grabs an 8ft ladder and places it behind the camel. Once at the top, he pulls down his pants and starts to have his way with her. After only a few minutes, he feels like he is almost ready to explode. Just then, his supervisor walks out from around the corner of the tent and starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What? Am I doing something wrong?" asks the man. "No", replies the supervisor, "You are doing great. Its just that usually the boys just ride the camel into town."