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[thedevilmaycrie]

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not **** in the vegetable garden again either!"

This post has been edited by thedevilmaycrie: Mar 24, 2005 - 5:04 PM

[WannabeGT4]

A man enjoying a few drinks in a bar leaned over to the bar teneder and said "I bet you $500 that I can piss in that spitune across the room without spilling a drop." Since the man was obviously inebriated the bartender accepted his bet. The man proceedes to unzip his pants and let loose. He pissed all over the bartender, customers, strippers... etc. Everything was drenched by the time he was done. When he was finished he puts his junk away and forks over the $500 dollars with a huge smile on his face. The bartender, laughing hystericaly, happily takes the urine soaked cash from the man. As the man is walking away as happy as can be, the bartender asks "What are you so happy about? You just lost $500." The man replies "Yeah, but I bet my friend outside $1000 that I could walk in here and piss all over you and you wouldn't care at all."