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[thedevilmaycrie]

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not **** in the vegetable garden again either!"

This post has been edited by thedevilmaycrie: Mar 24, 2005 - 5:04 PM

[vangSTa_celica]

One happy evening in the land of vegetation, a boy mushroom had a date with a girl mushroom. At around 7, the boy mushroom picked up his date and they headed to the movies. After that, the boy mushroom took the girl mushroom and they had pizza. The night ended with a a hug and a kiss. Upon reaching her doorstep, the girl mushroom says, "We should do this again. You're a real fungi."

Two sperms were swimming around. One says to the other, "Hey, are we to the fallopian tubes yet?" The other says, "Are you crazy? We're still in the esophagus."

One early weekday, Mr. Johnson decided to take his anatomy class to an interview with a well known and quite sucessful professor. The students arrived and gathered in a large group. The professor was displaying a corpse on a table.
"Listen well students. There are two things you must achieve in order to be as successful as I have been. First of all, you must never be afraid to do anything." Once he said this, he took his finger and shoved it up the anus of the corpse. He pulled his finger out and licked it. The students cringed. "Now class, I would like everyone to line up and do the same." Without a choice, the class lined up and one by one, they all repeated the same process. "Very well done. Now, the second most important thing you must remember, is to be observant. If you were watching closely, I stuck my index finger up the anus, but licked my middle finger."