This is why I have learned to love the Texans., (warning - SERIOUSLY off topic chick content inside.) Options

[GriffGirl]

I read this blog (of a lady in Texas) Rachel Lucas. She is just about the funniest, most insightful person whose words I have ever laid eyes upon. I may not agree with everything she has to say, but she's a great read.

So today she had nothing to write about. Very odd. But she posted a link to another blog, where a letter written by (another Texan) woman to a feminine hygiene company is posted. This letter is so damn hilarious, I felt it my duty to share it with the other like five chicks on this board, as well as all the married guys who have witnessed the trials and tribulations of Pre Menstrual Psychosis themselves. It's long, but worth reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of G-d, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to takemy maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Best,
[Name Witheld]
Austin , TX

[monkey]

ya but we have to endure the pain of getting kicked in the balls...
that all togeather is worse than childbirth and crimson tide...
lets evaluate

kick in balls
hurts to fukin helll
no pain relief

crimson tide
pad
tampon
and soo many medicines it takes up not only an isle but both sides of the isle in a grocery store!
you can always jack yourself up on pain killers....

child birth...
you dont feel a damn thing.... its called morphine!

and on top of this we not only have to hear about this **** for the time its hapening, but we have to put up witht he bickering for all eternity!
the only reason men let their wives spend all their money at the mall is cuz were tired of their ****...then we die and u take the rest of our money....


NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

[SeverX13]

ya but we have to endure the pain of getting kicked in the balls...
that all togeather is worse than childbirth and crimson tide...
lets evaluate

kick in balls
hurts to fukin helll
no pain relief

crimson tide
pad
tampon
and soo many medicines it takes up not only an isle but both sides of the isle in a grocery store!
you can always jack yourself up on pain killers....



child birth...
you dont feel a damn thing.... its called morphine!

and on top of this we not only have to hear about this **** for the time its hapening, but we have to put up witht he bickering for all eternity!
the only reason men let their wives spend all their money at the mall is cuz were tired of their ****...then we die and u take the rest of our money....


NOW WHOS GOT IT BAD

x2!!!
ive gottin kicked, punched, twaped and even got a 2 liter bottle full of watter swung down from a ceiling and hitting my boys. Monkey pretty much hit the nail on the head with his post


BTW: you forgot to mention the "aftershock" as i like to call it. You get hit, your down and it hurts. then when u thinkt he pain is gone and get up to walk away, the aftershock hits you like a brick wall and you must drop to the ground one last time.


~Brent~

This post has been edited by SeverX13: May 28, 2008 - 4:30 PM