This is why I have learned to love the Texans., (warning - SERIOUSLY off topic chick content inside.) Options

[GriffGirl]

I read this blog (of a lady in Texas) Rachel Lucas. She is just about the funniest, most insightful person whose words I have ever laid eyes upon. I may not agree with everything she has to say, but she's a great read.

So today she had nothing to write about. Very odd. But she posted a link to another blog, where a letter written by (another Texan) woman to a feminine hygiene company is posted. This letter is so damn hilarious, I felt it my duty to share it with the other like five chicks on this board, as well as all the married guys who have witnessed the trials and tribulations of Pre Menstrual Psychosis themselves. It's long, but worth reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of G-d, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to takemy maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Best,
[Name Witheld]
Austin , TX

[monkey]

this is the sole reason that i believe theyre 2 kinds of people in this world,
reactive, and proactive..
i love the way u can actually think about what is said and actually give it a response worthy of me rebudling against... i can tell ur response is well thought out and planned.. whether u tried or not ur sresponse isnt just a reaction to something which i like! not many people can do this... thus making us proactive and them reactive... its nice knowing that if u get really good at being proactive than u can controll other people byprejudging what their reaction is going to be and making it into something in your favor...
bahhahaah
finally someone whom i can have an intellegant discussion with... afterall were not conversing, were discussing the pros and cons of both sides of an arguement!


i being 19 get acne still and judging by the older men i know, they still get acnbe too, ofcourse boobs hurt, get used to it they pull on ur skin all day, its a thing called a bra! they tend to help...

if one is a active person like i, one wil get pains and aches... just a sign that uve earned your keep in this world, or just a sign that you need to sit down and take a break and quit stressing about things. stress is the devils work. like worrying, what is it going to change... be proactive and not just REACT to the situation and worry, get up and do something about it or let it go!

same goes for the almighty overy, realize that your emothieons might be haywire (not psychotic) and proact to let u know whats going on instead of using it as an excuse..,.,..



keeep in mind that durring your different trimesters your bodys hormones act upon one in a way that also makes the birth canal larger and physically moves the bones apart and then once these pregnancy hormones go away they move back...

i dont have to worry about cooking, im from texas 1 i can bbq and ive lived on my own since i was 15... aint noone cookin fo me and consitering i cook better than most women, the kitchen is my room in the house... funny thing is ull find men in the kitchen here in texas just as much as women.,... yes i am making a very judgemental and genralistic statement about texas

now is where im gunna have fun... ur second to last rebuddle.....
besides the fact that its constantly contradicting itself at every turn, i laughed hardest at thisone.......

why would one hide something from the one he loves, and if he knew he was to divorce one, he would be as so kind to realize at one point in time he loved her and wanted whats best for her, thus making one jenerous... then to the best part of it all is when one knows he is going to divoce one, why would he get married in the first place... afterall hookers do serve a purpose.....

bahahah i do realize that some of my statements are utterly rediculous but its not a bad rebuttle for a 19yr old now is it?

EDIT: but now back on topic, i liked the letter and it was a grat find!! i personally found it very funny and filled with moodswings....

This post has been edited by monkey: May 28, 2008 - 5:59 PM