This is why I have learned to love the Texans., (warning - SERIOUSLY off topic chick content inside.) Options

[GriffGirl]

I read this blog (of a lady in Texas) Rachel Lucas. She is just about the funniest, most insightful person whose words I have ever laid eyes upon. I may not agree with everything she has to say, but she's a great read.

So today she had nothing to write about. Very odd. But she posted a link to another blog, where a letter written by (another Texan) woman to a feminine hygiene company is posted. This letter is so damn hilarious, I felt it my duty to share it with the other like five chicks on this board, as well as all the married guys who have witnessed the trials and tribulations of Pre Menstrual Psychosis themselves. It's long, but worth reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of G-d, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to takemy maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Best,
[Name Witheld]
Austin , TX

[95CelicaST]

And monkey - if you didn't know.... They're always right too.

[D-Man]

july 18 (1988)

and now dat u say the bones dont return i need to find me some twins... one to have the baby and one for afterwards.....
i personally dont like the whole hotdog in the hallway situation....

That would be my gal and her twin sister. And yes, Griff is correct
(also, If your worried about her "bones" then you sir, are worried about the wrong thing )

Second, Server and Monkey. Let me assure you that you have no idea what you are talking about. I watched my daughter being born and yes my wife was druged up pretty good, but if she wasnt, which a lot of women choose not to, i imagin that that would have been like having a orange come out the tip of your wang. not trying to start **** or cause an argument, but i would take a shot in the nuts with a hammer before i would trade places with women in giving birth.

x2. Orange From the wang is a pretty good comparison.
and i'd rather take a shot to my boys than piss an orange personally

And monkey - if you didn't know.... They're always right too.

so true...

This post has been edited by D-Man: May 29, 2008 - 12:05 PM