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[thedevilmaycrie]

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not **** in the vegetable garden again either!"

This post has been edited by thedevilmaycrie: Mar 24, 2005 - 5:04 PM

[shaunrichard]

Oldies but goodies:

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a tiny steering wheel sticking out of his pants. When the bartender inevitably comments on the tiny steering wheel, the pirate says, "Aarrrr - it's drivin' me nuts!"

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with a duck on his head. The psychiatrist asks, "May I help you?"
The duck says, "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"

A man wrapped completely in Saran wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office. The doctor says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

This post has been edited by shaunrichard: Jul 10, 2008 - 9:21 AM