Am I in the wrong?, Just venting, folks. Options

[SwissFerdi]

Just to clear things up from the start, I live with my dad. His girlfriend pays for groceries, and my dad pays for college tuition and books (I have a scholarship covering 78 dollars per credit hour). However, I don't contribute monetarily to the household. My mother, on the other hand, pays for my insurance (health, car) and paid for the car itself...pretty much providing me with everything else I need. My parents are divorced.

Having said that, my dad is pretty strict, stubborn, hard-headed, and close-minded. I have no problem with the guy most of the time. However, I had a girl over last night, we watched a movie and just chilled, cuddled, etc., nothing more. She ended up staying over for the night (and I was just enlightened again that this is not acceptable). Apparently his girlfriend noticed she was still there in the morning (don't know how) and told him, along with the fact that I left some dirty dishes on the counter-top from when we made food. So he calls me up and reams me a new one for breaking some ground rules...well, the fact is that a) nothing happened, b) his girlfriend did not inquire whatsoever to the situation, I haven't even talked to her about it since I haven't seen her, and C), he does not know the girl since he's away to work and I basically just met her. I did introduce her to his girlfriend when we came in.

So basically, I feel like this is unnecessarily overprotective. I'm 19, an adult by American standards, responsible, and respectful of the rules. There's no way I'll have Ferdi Jr.'s running around anytime soon, and it's ridiculous to be so protective when he hasn't even met the girl yet.

All in all, I really like this girl and she feels the same way, so I don't want a potential relationship to be ruined because of this.

This post has been edited by SwissFerdi: Oct 13, 2009 - 9:43 PM

[yarik83]

I dont know your personally and in all likelyhood I will never meet you in person or otherwise. Everything that I am about to say is based on what any young adult goes through so don't think that I have some sort of grudge against you.

Lets start with the basics. You are a kid. You are a kid. You are a kid. You are 19 and obviously seek female companionship. At the same time you are being cared for by 2 adults and regardless of whether you do or do not have a scholarship you are still living with one of your divorced parents. That being said your dad is in the right to demand things of you and set ground rules whether you like it or not. If it was your mom, then same scenario would apply. For as long as you live under someone's wing (aka someone claims you as dependent on their tax return) you will remain a kid. Now I do not claim to know what your personal financial situation is but having been through similar scenario myself, I left my parent's nest when I was still in high school. I packed my bags and said that I need to go. My parents gave me room to breathe, finally. Mind that I struggled for a year and eventually graduated from school and went to college. This is where you are in the wrong again. Sir. Nobody gives a squirly fkunk if you have an associate degree. That is like saying I flip burgers and make 1 dollar more than person next to me. Associate degree is just a way for college to extract more money from you just like having a minor(s) alongside with your major. Another reason for you to reconsider going to community college is because you need easy classes to balance out your hard classes in a big college. If you plan to be anything, trust me you will need to maintain a positive gpa in college to keep being enrolled. If you took all your general classes in other institution your overall gpa will be floating at 2.5 unless you are a genius and can get straight a's and b's. Now back to topic. Because you are 19, it is expected of you to start doing hanky panky, responsibly. If you feel that it will help your dad to do the official "sit down" father-son conversation then by all means tell your father that you need to talk even if you know everything, it will give him confidence in you. Tell your step-mother I guess that your private life is not exactly her business but if she insists then listen to what she has to say and agree. She probably went through same thing as you are going through right now and she is trying in her awkward way to help you through this.
Finally getting back to main topic. Do not think, not even for a second that you are an adult. You can be 43 or 98 and for as long as someone pays for all your bills, all your expenses and all your expenses and yes all your expenses... you can not consider yourself an adult. If you live alone on a very very tight budget it will cost you about $1500 just to survive every month. If you live in a dorm with roommates then your rent is cheaper, obviously but if you had to start from scratch you would be paying at least a 1000 anyways. That being said you need to either leave the nest or bite your tongue. Every teenager goes through this. Does not matter what color, race, nationality or gender. We all reach young adulthood and parents expect us to leave even if they dont tell us directly. Ask your parents to provide you a list of expenses and cower in fear of what is expecting you when you are out there on your own. It costs $10000 dollars a year to provide for a baby.. You are 19 with bigger aspirations, it probably costs twice that amount to provide you with things that you have such as food, roof, no bills to pay for, books, ipods, cell phones, cars and what have you.

Here is what I think you should do. Sit down and talk with your mom, dad and his new lady. Present your case as politely as you can, not raising voice and provide reason for everything that you are trying to tell them. Develop a plan with them in which you either follow their rules or start your own life or start bringing money to the table. Show them that you are not only 19 but 19 years old who is also an adult. More importantly what you need to keep in mind is that no matter how old you are, you will always be their kiddo. Heck I am 26 and my mom still buys me socks, boxers, shirts, t-shirts, countless picture frames and winter coats. I just say thank you, pile it up with the rest of my stuff and keep going forward. Granted I have been on my own since 99, I still let my mom be my mom every now and then. Your dad loves you as does your mom. They may not necessarily show it through cuddling or tucking you in but every step that you take they are either guiding you through it or standing behind what you do. Keep that in mind.