Am I in the wrong?, Just venting, folks. Options

[SwissFerdi]

Just to clear things up from the start, I live with my dad. His girlfriend pays for groceries, and my dad pays for college tuition and books (I have a scholarship covering 78 dollars per credit hour). However, I don't contribute monetarily to the household. My mother, on the other hand, pays for my insurance (health, car) and paid for the car itself...pretty much providing me with everything else I need. My parents are divorced.

Having said that, my dad is pretty strict, stubborn, hard-headed, and close-minded. I have no problem with the guy most of the time. However, I had a girl over last night, we watched a movie and just chilled, cuddled, etc., nothing more. She ended up staying over for the night (and I was just enlightened again that this is not acceptable). Apparently his girlfriend noticed she was still there in the morning (don't know how) and told him, along with the fact that I left some dirty dishes on the counter-top from when we made food. So he calls me up and reams me a new one for breaking some ground rules...well, the fact is that a) nothing happened, b) his girlfriend did not inquire whatsoever to the situation, I haven't even talked to her about it since I haven't seen her, and C), he does not know the girl since he's away to work and I basically just met her. I did introduce her to his girlfriend when we came in.

So basically, I feel like this is unnecessarily overprotective. I'm 19, an adult by American standards, responsible, and respectful of the rules. There's no way I'll have Ferdi Jr.'s running around anytime soon, and it's ridiculous to be so protective when he hasn't even met the girl yet.

All in all, I really like this girl and she feels the same way, so I don't want a potential relationship to be ruined because of this.

This post has been edited by SwissFerdi: Oct 13, 2009 - 9:43 PM

[GriffGirl]

Well here's another "adult" perspective - not to undermine you guys who've posted your opinions, but having at least 10+ years on the majority of you, I think I have a different perspective. Additionally, I also have a 23 year old living in my house while he goes to school.

1) The father's girlfriend: she may have felt it wasn't her place to say anything to you about you bringing the girl home and her staying the night. I know I wouldn't feel it was my place to do so. Further, being that it's really NOT her place, and that she's actually RESPECTING you AND your father by acting as such, it's important as adults that in these situations, the parent isn't undermined. Her going to your father is exactly what I would've done too, so as not to undermine HIS authority, regardless of how old you are. Which leads me to...

2) His house, his rules. It's that simple. Even if you WERE paying rent to live there. It's still his house. End of story. If you don't like, it, get your own house/apartment.

You're in school full time? Great. I fully support that and further, I fully support the 2 years in community college as a segway to a 4 year school where you can earn your bachelor's. It's an effective and economical way to do it, and no one will even ask much less give a rat's ass that you spent the 1st two years in CC. For that matter, it shows practical thinking. Ultimately prospective employers care about the four-year piece of paper and that you got it, now HOW you got it (unless of course it's because you bought it on line ) Good for you, keep up the good work.

Now get a job. Go to school at night (night tuition is often cheaper, too!) and work full time during the day so you can pay your rent and living expenses in your newfound independence you call an apartment. It will suck, and you will be CONSTANTLY busy and exhausted. But it's a price worth paying if you want to live by your own rules. I did it, also at 19, and you know what? It took me longer to finish school, because there were a couple of semesters that I just didn't have it in me to carry a full course load and work full time (I worked 6 days a week, actually). But I did it, I earned a BFA, and I did it COMPLETELY independently, save for financial help from my mother for school supplies only. And this was in NYC - and NYC is EXPENSIVE to live in. I didn't even have a roommate. I lived in a GREAT apartment in a great neighborhood and managed.

If this isn't something that you feel is a viable option for you, that's fine, no one will respect you any less. But you have to understand that the trade-off for that kind of freedom is that you must live under the rules of the person who's house you're living in. ESPECIALLY when it's a parent's home. You're just gonna have to suck it up.