help me understand my relationship Options

[lagos]

since everyone seems to have topics about girls on here, maybe you can help me figure out mine.

ive been seeing/friends with this one girl for about 10years now. we stared out dating, but that only lasted a few months. i ended up dumping her for another girl, because our relationship really wasnt going anywhere at the time. after that we became the best of friends. i consider her my soul mate and feels the same way about me.

over the years, she and i have dated other people, but would always remained friends with benefits. no matter who she or i are dating at the time, i know i can come over to her house and make out with her whenever i want.

a few years ago i decided that i want to have an exclusive realationship with her. so i asked her to be my girlfriend. she just turned 21 at the time, and said that she wanted to be young and have fun and not have a boyfriend. so i said ok and waited.

over the years i have been trying again and again. i got everything from the.... "i think of you as my brother" to "lets just be firends".... then next thing i know, we are somewhere making out.

just a few weeks ago, i had a talk with her, about how i think she is stopping me from finding the right girl for me and im stopping her finding the right guy for her and that we cant be fooling around anymore. if we are going to be firends, lets start acting like just friends. she said ok, you are right.....then next thing i know, she starts reading something she wrote in here diary a few years ago, about how much she likes me in a romatic way, to get me to be intrested in her again. this is the basic cycle that goes on anytime this kind of converstation happens.

she is very good looking, works as a bartender, and always has a guy who wants to date her. the problem is that all the guys she dates are loosers from the bar, and dont even have the looks to get away with it. her relationships never get serious and only last a few weeks or 3 months at best. her current boyfriend is 35, blad and has a beer gut. even her cusins, and friends and family ask her what she is doing with these loosers when she has a guy like me.

so, what the hell is her problem? fear of comittment or what? what should i do?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Shes just not that into you....

[madmods]

Shes just not that into you....
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Agreed, remember the good times, but move on. You loved once, you'll love again.

[lagos]

ouch.... you are probably right....but here is the starnge thing. if she is out on a date, and i call her, she will cut the date short, go home and spend all night on the phone with me.

i would say that she is not really into anyone. over 10 years, i can think of maby one or two guys she was into. the rest of them she just casually dates cause she is bored.

so what should my next move be? ive known this girl for a long long time. its not like i can just stop talking to her.

This post has been edited by lagos: May 9, 2005 - 1:43 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Just keep it as friends - and if u can deal with makeout friends then great but if its too hard to do that then just keep it as strictly friends

[jgreening]

ouch.... you are probably right....but here is the starnge thing. if she is out on a date, and i call her, she will cut the date short, go home and spend all night on the phone with me.

i would say that she is not really into anyone. over 10 years, i can think of maby one or two guys she was into. the rest of them she just casually dates cause she is bored. 

so what should my next move be? ive known this girl for a long long time. its not like i can just stop talking to her.
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I think Natalie is 100% right. Your girl sees making out as "no big deal" and most times it isn't. However, when one party has feelings for the other, it can cause problems. My advice: accept the fact that she will not be your girlfriend. Be nice but maybe a little distant. Its possible she may realize what she had and change her mind down the road. Right now, its just easy for her to have you around while she looks for something better.

This post has been edited by jgreening: May 9, 2005 - 4:28 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Id really suggest getting the book "HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" yes it is directed to woman but it can be flipped just the same.

[lagos]

thanks guys. its besically what ive been trying to do. i guess i just have to keep at it.

i think she also plays games with me . so far everytime i tired to walk away, not talk to her, etc... she will say or do something to try and keep the chase going...she tells me she loves me, wants to marry me, that im the greatest guy she has know,etc.... but when its time to take that to another level, then nothing happens....its a f ucked up relationship.

oh well, time to finally move on. ill keep her as a friend, but the chase ends here for me.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

ooh i play those games..its nice to feel wanted!

[dustin15brown]

Play it like they said..... IF she comes with the line "I love you and I want yo marry you." IF you're serious enough stop right then and say "here i am take me now or leave me forever. I'm yours if you can accept it" if she gets teary eyed or what not and you're serious enough, then propose or atleast make it a serious relationship. Tell her you're feelings, and tel her this is her last chance for you. but you DON'T want to keep at this game, you're too old and mature for these games. She's had her time to "live" if she's serious bout u... you'll know

[Digndoug]

Girls are fuked up..

[lagos]

Girls are fuked up..
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yep


they play these games now while they are young... then guys start to catch on, and treat the girls like crap. before you know it, girls hit their mid 30s, and start bitching how there are no good men out there to marry.

[Anub1s]

Girls are fuked up..
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You got it right d00d fuk 'em if she is too stuck on herself and keeps playing these games dump her man you don't need her. I'm sure there is someone out there who will appreciate you in more ways than just sexual or "benefitial" ways. Screw her and any girl who plays that way.

[CoSo]

I'm in the same boat buddy. Although not nearly anywhere near as long as your relationship is, but mine's heading that way!

[lagos]

CoSo, get out while you can. it just gets harder and harder.

[macavely]

Just sit back and enjoy the relationship.... look like things aren't goign to change... keep twisting her out till u find that one girl that will make u want to be with just her.... and think about it.. its alot better being the frined that Fooks then being the boyfrind and wondering if shes doing what she did with u with some other guy now...

[BlackSTX]

Dude, if I were you I'd be seriously scared of who she's hooking up with. It sounds like she gets around a bit. I wouldn't be wanting any of that second hand stuff. She doesn't sound like a keeper at all.

[lagos]

she is not slutty at all... just dates loosers.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

i date losers too! yay for us girls who date losers and dont see a nice guy even when hes right in front of us

[1900WattCelica]

thanks guys. its besically what ive been trying to do. i guess i just have to keep at it.

i think she also plays games with me . so far everytime i tired to walk away, not talk to her, etc... she will say or do something to try and keep the chase going...she tells me she loves me, wants to marry me, that im the greatest guy she has know,etc.... but when its time to take that to another level, then nothing happens....its a f ucked up relationship.

oh well, time to finally move on. ill keep her as a friend, but the chase ends here for me.
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Sounds like she just likes attention and drama. Keep yourself open for other girls, and in between have fun screwin around with her....but no more serious than that.