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> CALLING IN SICK, I don't think anyone can top this
post Mar 23, 2006 - 2:26 PM
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gas65



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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey, the garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?


biggrin.gif Yes, this is a joke and did'nt happen to me. biggrin.gif








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Posts in this topic
- gas65   CALLING IN SICK   Mar 23, 2006 - 2:26 PM
- - Fastbird   Classic!   Mar 23, 2006 - 2:28 PM
- - dustinkemp   pretty good man! it could happen to ne one, a...   Mar 23, 2006 - 3:52 PM
- - lil_lissa   bahahahahha it was hilarious up until when you sai...   Mar 23, 2006 - 5:33 PM
|- - gas65   QUOTE(lil_lissa @ Mar 23, 2006 - 5:3...   Mar 23, 2006 - 5:38 PM
- - lagos   no ****ing way! lol   Mar 23, 2006 - 5:48 PM
- - BBoYRuGGeD   lol thats pretty funny bboy   Mar 23, 2006 - 6:15 PM
- - j0e_p3t   lol... thank god it wasn't true. i could care ...   Mar 23, 2006 - 6:24 PM
- - ZacMan1987   Wow. Thank you for making my evening.   Mar 24, 2006 - 1:50 AM
- - bigal004321   that was one of the funniest things i have ever re...   Mar 24, 2006 - 2:14 AM
- - Jen   HAHAHAHA.   Mar 24, 2006 - 2:39 AM
- - 95CelicaST   Simply awesome. That made my day.   Mar 24, 2006 - 2:55 AM
- - devilsden97   omg i actually laughed lol   Mar 24, 2006 - 11:06 AM
- - RedSunCelica   HAHAHHAHAA greatest story ever! this story to...   Mar 24, 2006 - 11:14 AM
- - Celicav   Did YOU make that story up? If so, that is a good...   Mar 25, 2006 - 4:24 AM
|- - gas65   QUOTE(Celicav @ Mar 25, 2006 - 4:24 ...   Mar 25, 2006 - 4:52 AM
- - dustin15brown   wow that was pretty friggin funny   Mar 27, 2006 - 7:55 PM


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