My woman problem..., A little advice please? Options

[ExSane]

Ok, this is kinda weird for me to post this up about my personal life but all my friends and family have given me some bad advices and they don't really care so...

Anyways, my ex-girlfriend who I've had a relationship with for a year and a half wants to get back with me. We've broken up for about two months now. She tells me that she cries herself to sleep almost every night and it pains her that I keep pushing myself away. She even cries on the phone when we talk. She calls me almost everyday but I tend to ignore her calls. We use to be close, until she moved up north. I use to be in love with her and I know she is deeply in love with me. But the thing is, I've given her so much and she hasn't given anything since we've been together except words. I don't ask her for anything only becuz I shouldn't have to. And honestly, I have nothing else to give but the words goodbye. For example, for christmas I bought her the rare green Lucky Care Bear (big size) to finish her care bear collection, as well as $200, the new eminem cd, and my promise ring to her. She only got a me a christmas card becuz she spent all her money on clothes for herself. She has my promise ring... still. I even opened up my other phone line for her and I got her about 4 new cellphones becuz she broke most of them when we argued. I've probably sent her $2,500 cash total since we've been together. And another grand or so for all the other stuff. She hasn't sent me anything since we've been together. Ever since she moved away from Florida, we've been planning to meetup. She keeps changing her mind and lying to me constantly. I just had enough and I've given up on her or better yet, us. I never ask anything out of her. The least she can do for me if she loves me like she says she does is to come down from North Carolina for a weekened or a week. But she keeps making excuses and she doesn't even want me to go up there. She is very stubborn. Whenever she wants her free time and space, I respect that and give it to her. But whenever I want to have my own time, she doesn't want to give it to me at all. We've broken up a couple of times before but I kept taking her back becuz I felt bad. I don't want to take her back anymore becuz I know that she will never change. I told her that she has to earn me back now but she hasn't done anything since. I've talked to her last night and I just felt really bad inside becuz she drove to a nearby lake and cried all night. I really don't want to take her back becuz I know I will do it for all the wrong reasons. But becuz the fact I care for her is making me do it... but, I'm not in love with her. Not anymore.

[yyet]

Very long post, put I care for ya and i read it! Hmm, you shoulda n0t got her anything and threw in a motor swap! Nah, love makes ya do silly things. Anyhow, Christmas ain't above giving gifts, it's about spending time w/ loved ones and all that non-sense. I would honestly say to lets just be friends or even just acquaintances. I dunno though.

Hope that helped a lil

Yet

[hurley97]

then just keep in mind that your not in love with her so dont be with her.

i just got out of a three year relationship that i put a lot into and didnt get as much in return. i broke up with him once before about half way through (a year and a half) and took him back because i felt bad. it was a mistake because when i finally broke up wth him for good (just this May) i was another year and a half deeper and it was just that much harder. and i did almost make the same mistake again, then being asked constantly to take him back just got annoying cause i wasnt in love with him anymore.

hang out with your friends more. they help

[dustin15brown]

I tend to ignore her calls.
I've given up on her or better yet, us.
I don't want to take her back anymore becuz I know that she will never change.
I really don't want to take her back becuz I know I will do it for all the wrong reasons.
I'm not in love with her. Not anymore.

You said it yourself man. Now, if you loved her, it would be a different story entirely

[ExSane]

Thanks guys.

[creis]

tell her exactly what you said up there, be nice about it, if you dont feel for her anymore its only gana make things worse to drag it on, I know its hard to hear a girl cry but she will have to get over it and learn that a relationship is an equal thing, not nessisarily money wise but thought and couple wise (if that makes sence)

[ExSane]

I've already told her everything including what you mentioned about it takes 2 to run a relationship and we both need to do our part. I told her I did mine. She told me that she won't let me go becuz she loves me so much. I told her if she really truely loves me, then she'll let me go and give me what I want. As I said before, she never gives me anything. She is very stubborn about it. I feel bad becuz I feel responsible for breaking her heart but in reality, she broke her own.

[creis]

does not sound like love, sounds like she is insecure about it and really wants you as like a fall back (sounds worse then what I'm trying to say) she wants the security of knowing someone is there for her etc. tell her that you dont think she is in love, that its not genuine and bring up the "there are plenty of other people out there" and its just not working, I guess in the end if she is that stuck to you, you have to just cut her off and hope she can handel it, only so much you can do before it starts bringing you down more then it has.

and your not responsible for it, she did do it to herself but I would not bring that up, just gana get her pissed. just gata be very nice and supportive but also stubborn yourself

[CelicaBuddy]

hmm sorry to hear about all this... hope everything will work out for ya

yeah... if you dont love her anymore, there is no point in dragging out something that wont work or ever change.

Lil confession from myself... I have done somethin sorta similar in a previous relationship. I just didnt want to be a lone, and go through heart break (even tho I never did). We prolly broke up more than a couple times, but I was stupid at the time and kept wanting to get back even though in the back of my mind I knew things prolly wouldnt change... Finally towards the end, I just got sick of the sh*t he did to me, he wasnt a nice guy lets just say, and we broke up for good.

But main reason why I think your ex-gf is trying to get back to you is because she doesnt wanna be a lone like a lot of people mentioned...

This is what I'd do, I'd just pretty much ignore her completely... Go on with your life and enjoy yourself. Dont waste your time feeling bad about the past, you got better things to do. You've moved on, and if you give her time she will too... It really seems not worth it, and your only hurting her by giving her hope that you two might get back together... Not that saying that you are hurting her, but you get the idea...

hope everythin works out


This post has been edited by CelicaBuddy: Jul 31, 2006 - 10:24 PM

[ExSane]

OMFG! She just left me a message saying that she is gonna go drown herself in the pond...

[hurley97]

shes just wants you to rush to the pond to 'save' her that way she knows you still care and will think you still want to get with her. you can be her friend but make it known thats all shes getting from you. she'll mention how much she misses you and wants you back every once in awhile...just move on with the previous conversation, talk about your new life without her. she'll eventually get the point and move on without going through the shock of having you just drop right out of her life........thats what i did anyway, good luck

This post has been edited by hurley97: Aug 1, 2006 - 8:19 AM

[Digndoug]

Honestly, you gotta stop talking to her. Shes not going to drown herself or anythign stupid like that. Women all need/want someone, dosnt matter who. Most, and again ladies i said most, can not stand being alone. Also seems kinda like you pampered her and she prolly needs/wants that again.

Ignore her, Dont talk to her, let her be, its over. If you feel she might do somthing stupid, like try and drown herself, call her parents or close friends and have them be with her.

[creis]

^ pretty sad, cant do much about it just be nice and tell her the truth, if it really gets serious like Digndoug said, call her family and friends, then even the police if she could end up hurting herself. just dont get involved with her anymore.

[bloodrain]

its simple dude, you gotta accept the fact you cannot change people. She is a liar and girls are very good at faking emotions, she doesnt care for you, all she will think about is herself. The faster you get away from her, the better. Dont spend money on girls, period. If you shower them with gifts they may like it for a little bit, but do you really need to give them ANYTHING for them to like you? No. I love psychology and when it comes to women, it becomes a game. If you buy her a SMALL gift (under $10), say, maybe once in a while it will be special to her. If you shower her with gifts (cell phones, ect.) she see's it as being weak and insecure with yourself. I'll write more later, i got a customer (im at work)

*part 2, customers are gone*
shes not going to drown herself in a pond. Its mentally impossible to willingly drown yourself (without the help of weights or some other force) anywho, threatening your own life makes me think one thing, shes selfish. And from reading your first post, I confirmed my thought. The best thing to do in this situation is simply tell her you've moved on, and she needs to also. Dont be a d*ck about it tho, that only shows that your being imature. Tell her that you have no feelings for her and stick to it. Do not pick up calls, dont write, txt, IM, myspace, w/e else you may do. You WILL find a better girl, it happens time and time again. If you think 'oh man this is gonna be hard', well, lets turn this into a game. I've been through the same exact situation, I've been strong throughout the entire thing, so if you cant be strong, that means im stronger than you. Now you cant let that happen, some little white kid is strong than you! So, do you think your stronger than me?

anywho, if you need more advice hit me up on AIM - bl00dr4in
for some reason I love solving others problems, lol.

This post has been edited by bloodrain: Aug 1, 2006 - 10:24 AM

[hurley97]

damn...girls are pains in the asses. i should know, i am one

[mzztoyota]

^^^ lol, totally agree, from another girl here...

...these guys are giving great advice, though. And what it does really come down to is, you don't love her, and if that's the truth, then you would only be hurting both yourself and her by being with her.

It sounds to me like she's crying so much because she loves HERSELF and the attention that you gave to her, and she is crying over the loss of that attention. I'm sure you're a wonderful guy and can find some much nicer, less high-maintenence, girls,

[bloodrain]

if it makes u happy, next florida meet i'll bring some hoe's lol.

[ExSane]

Thanks guys. It turns out she didn't drown herself. I'm just worried becuz she seems a bit psycho? And no... Bloodrain. LoL. No thank you. I've had my days with hoes and I can't stand them. It'll actually make me feel worse. But thanks anyway. LoL.

[DomGT]

Look at it this way, first, by dragging this out, your making it worse for her. Secondly, there is a girl out there that is perfect for you, you may have missed her already!

[ExSane]

I know I haven't found that perfect someone yet. But honestly, I'm not trying to look for anyone at the moment. I enjoy being single but companionship is still open at the moment. I know how it is to truely be in love with someone and honestly I haven't felt that for a long time with anyone.