What do I do?, im 21 years old Options

[BlackCelicaGT94]

Ok so I still live at home and have a snoop of a mother. She has numerous times gone thru my room and has made an account on Myspace. When she tells me something on my page is inappropriate we erupt at eachother and she tells me how I look like a Hoe in some of my pics. so I end up taking them down and she promises that she will not go on and check anymore cuz I tell her that its the reason I dont tell her about anything in my life cuz she snoops for the answers. Well guess what she did last night? She snooped on my page again. Keep in mind that my profile is set to private so I dont know how she saw two pics and I went thru my friend list and couldnt find any that i didnt know and thought maybe she made a fake profile. So now I dont know what to do. Im over being 21 years old and having my mother snoop around. Ive grown up a good kid..never did a drug, never smoked a cigarette, didnt start being interested in boys till 17, tell them where im going when i walk out the door, etc (not saying ur a bad kid if u do anything i just stated) So i dont know why at 21 im still being treated like im under the age of 18. My parents arent strict. Im allowed to go out till whenever and what not but its like cuz I dont open up to her about every detail of my life (pretty much no detail) she feels the need to snoop.

[devilsden97]

move out for a while...they'll either A) stress out because ur not around and worry and beg u to come back, and then u have the upper hand and u can set the rules...or B) ull like it sooo much that no ammount of beging will change your mind

people need to learn how to play hardball, everyone has a button.....just need to learn how to push it. Parents are no differnt

This post has been edited by devilsden97: Aug 27, 2006 - 12:18 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I cant move out for another 6 months atleast cuz i gotta get my bills paid off (which will be in 2 months) and save up cuz its expensive to live in the seattle area.

Plus ive moved out before and she snooped on 6gc to find out crap.

[devilsden97]

ok but then your "on your own" and they (your mom) cant play the "my house my rules" card.

[BlackCelicaGT94]

uhh ever get the feeling while ur driving 80mph to just turn into that concrete barrier?? thats the feeling my mom makes me have

[saleeka]

Honestly, your stress level will go from 80% to 10% in a heartbeat once you move out... My parents couldent PAY me to live with them again, and we all get along just fine... Also, is it just me, or does it seems that parent/child relationships that cross the lines of privacy (like your case nat) almost always come from people who always did what their parents wanted/expected from them (for the most part)? My friends and I always pretty much did what we wanted to regardless what our parents said by the time we were 16, and I dont recall any of us having problems with overbearing parents?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

She says its weird for a 21 year old girl to act like this way towars her mother and tell her NOTHING of whats going on in her life. and I dont see it weird. I just dont feel I need my mom to know whats going on. Shes not my friend..she raised me and thats good enough. I dont need my parents to be my best friends.

oh and PS

MOM IF YOURE READING THIS - HI!

[devilsden97]

uhh ever get the feeling while ur driving 80mph to just turn into that concrete barrier?? thats the feeling my mom makes me have

^no thats suicidal...im not quite there yet with my parents....but its getting closer

She says its weird for a 21 year old girl to act like this way towars her mother and tell her NOTHING of whats going on in her life. and I dont see it weird. I just dont feel I need my mom to know whats going on. Shes not my friend..she raised me and thats good enough. I dont need my parents to be my best friends.

oh and PS

MOM IF YOURE READING THIS - HI!

u shouldnt have to tell her nething. When your 16 and a guy breaks your heart for the first time, yeah shes should be there to help. but at 21, thats what good old jack and cokes there for (minus the coke) and u have girlfriends for that too..

[saleeka]

/\ I agree. Once you are 21, it's pretty much on your terms what you want them to know... Kids aren't property....

[burneeed]

I cant move out for another 6 months atleast cuz i gotta get my bills paid off (which will be in 2 months) and save up cuz its expensive to live in the seattle area.

Plus ive moved out before and she snooped on 6gc to find out crap.

hey move to pittsburgh

[hurley97]

uhh ever get the feeling while ur driving 80mph to just turn into that concrete barrier?? thats the feeling my mom makes me have

my mom makes me feel the same way. although i believe my exact words to her were "you make me feel like walking in front of a bus" ... can't hurt the celi, you know lol

i've learned to ignore my mom when she talks. we speak when its necessary and as soon as she starts making stupid/unnecessary comments i walk away cause i know it will just upset me and arguing is useless. until moving out is an option, there isn't much else you can do. good luck

[jgreening]

Like it or not, when you live with your parents, there are things you have to put up with that you wouldn't have to if you lived on your own. I moved out at 18 because I was ready to be free. It hurt some as far as saving money is concerned but I would do it again in a heartbeat. Oh, and by the way, my relationship with my mom improved considerably.

One point of your problem does deserve some special attention. That is, some parents have a unending desire to tell their children how to live their life after age of majority. These people do not understand that unwelcomed advice drives their children away. While you should aim to be respectful, it is my FIRM opinion that you must have a serious sitdown discussion with her and tell her that you do not want unsolicited "tips" anymore. If the problem is not addressed now, I GUARANTEE it will get much worse.

The good news is that quality parents can offer persuasive suggestions to us when we stray down the wrong road without being insulting. So, even if your communication with her is effective, she can still have a positive influence on your life without creating unnecessary conflict.

[devilsden97]

uhh ever get the feeling while ur driving 80mph to just turn into that concrete barrier?? thats the feeling my mom makes me have

my mom makes me feel the same way. although i believe my exact words to her were "you make me feel like walking in front of a bus" ... can't hurt the celi, you know lol

i've learned to ignore my mom when she talks. we speak when its necessary and as soon as she starts making stupid/unnecessary comments i walk away cause i know it will just upset me and arguing is useless. until moving out is an option, there isn't much else you can do. good luck

you could always tell her to "take your advice and shove it up your ass" Thats a personal favorite of my own, just not with my parents. Usually i give them sarcastic remarks, and go on with whatever i was doing.

[bloodrain]

$5000 and a plane ride out there and you'll never have to worry about her again.... haha j/k (not rly)...j/k...


ya ur pretty much fcked as long as u live at home, same **** with me. Dad is almost the exact way but if he found out I had 8 guns he would of kicked me out by now

[BlackCelicaGT94]

uhh ever get the feeling while ur driving 80mph to just turn into that concrete barrier?? thats the feeling my mom makes me have

my mom makes me feel the same way. although i believe my exact words to her were "you make me feel like walking in front of a bus" ... can't hurt the celi, you know lol

i've learned to ignore my mom when she talks. we speak when its necessary and as soon as she starts making stupid/unnecessary comments i walk away cause i know it will just upset me and arguing is useless. until moving out is an option, there isn't much else you can do. good luck

I try to talk when only neccessary but then i seem to only be talking to her when i need money and thats not nice. I call her once a day while at work to make sure shes ok cuz she has MS and sometimes has seizures.

She always wants to talk to me though..i could care less that jessica Simpson gained 10 pounds or whatever but she just wants to talk and im like UHH LEAVE ME ALONE! oh well i guess ill just put up with this for another 6 months

[Consynx]

...sweeeeet

[97sccelica]

Dad is almost the exact way but if he found out I had 8 guns he would of kicked me out by now

hehe

the men in my family love guns.

as a joke i was walking around with one of my guns tucked in my belt, saying i was ready to greet my sister's prom date who was supposed to arrive in about 10 min.

my grandfather and his brother laughed hard, said i was a good man, and asked to see the gun. hell, everyone thought it was pretty funny, except my sister

and i did put the gun away when the prom date finally arrived.

now for the original topic

there pretty much is no privacy for me in my house. all my mail is opened before i get it, my mom always calls me to see where i am and gets mad when i forget to tell her that i am leaving. she wants to know every thing.

does it bother me, not really. i am 20 years old and im used to it. it bother's one of my friends, oddly enough. he is always telling me to make my mom stop. i really dont care, it makes her happy and comfortable to know where i am all the time. she never tries to stop me from doing anything, just tells me to be safe. that and as far as im conserned, if you are living at the expense of your parents, it doesnt matter how old you are, you are at their mercy.

[rayneezy23]

yea natalie like i know how you feel like i just turned 18 and like my parents are on my ass like crazy snoopin around in my room and yea. I seriously think that she just lost trust in me because my good friend that she knows got a DUI and like yea.

[hitcachi]

you could.................... join the military!

[BlackCelicaGT94]

^ i will live at home for the next 10 years if I have to rather than join the military

[gwai1o]

^ i will live at home for the next 10 years if I have to rather than join the military

my gf is in the army reserve...yeah, she hates it. she joined so they would pay for her schooling and, well she's not even going to school @ the moment.

btw nat, I hear you on this. my parents (well my mom, cuz they are divorced) are cool with me now but my mom used to freak if i ever did anything. I am 22 (and yes still live @ home, myslef *sigh*) and things are fine now.

Not ot give you advice but your mom prolly isn't gonna change the way she is so it's best not to let it bother you. let it roll off your back. and please please don't hit the barrier doing 80. think of your car! lol!

hang in thurr.

Justin-

[Celiracer18]

WTF it wont post everything i typed in.............. youll have a PM from me i guess

This post has been edited by Celiracer18: Aug 28, 2006 - 3:38 AM

[mzztoyota]

She says its weird for a 21 year old girl to act like this way towars her mother and tell her NOTHING of whats going on in her life. and I dont see it weird. I just dont feel I need my mom to know whats going on. Shes not my friend..she raised me and thats good enough. I dont need my parents to be my best friends.

oh and PS

MOM IF YOURE READING THIS - HI!

Hey girl,

I'm 20, and I was a "well-behaved" girl growing up too, and my mom is the exact same way.

The whole island is convinced that she is insane.

I live on a 13 x 3 mile island and I go to college here, and I live in the dorms even though my mother lives 15 minutes away. Whenever people ask why I don't just save myself some money and live with her, I tell them "you haven't met her." She's a cool woman and all, just an over-protective mother.

Your mom doesn't need to be your friend, doesn't need to know what's going on all the time...you are your own adult now, she's not the adult that solves your problems anymore. Stick it out as long as you can, but start making plans to move out NOW! Look into apartments, try and find a room mate if that will help, etc...

...and if you want to run away to the Caribbean, PM me!

[BlackCelicaGT94]

She says its weird for a 21 year old girl to act like this way towars her mother and tell her NOTHING of whats going on in her life. and I dont see it weird. I just dont feel I need my mom to know whats going on. Shes not my friend..she raised me and thats good enough. I dont need my parents to be my best friends.

oh and PS

MOM IF YOURE READING THIS - HI!

Hey girl,

I'm 20, and I was a "well-behaved" girl growing up too, and my mom is the exact same way.

The whole island is convinced that she is insane.

I live on a 13 x 3 mile island and I go to college here, and I live in the dorms even though my mother lives 15 minutes away. Whenever people ask why I don't just save myself some money and live with her, I tell them "you haven't met her." She's a cool woman and all, just an over-protective mother.

Your mom doesn't need to be your friend, doesn't need to know what's going on all the time...you are your own adult now, she's not the adult that solves your problems anymore. Stick it out as long as you can, but start making plans to move out NOW! Look into apartments, try and find a room mate if that will help, etc...

...and if you want to run away to the Caribbean, PM me!

lol Thanks girl! I dont think i will have a roommate when i move out. been there done that! Ended up a MESS! :-)

So now about this Caribbean idea..are there johnny depp pirates down there? cuz if so im IN! lol jk!

[mzztoyota]

lol...pirates a plenty! And plenty of rum to make them look like Johnny Depp!

lmao

[DomGT]

It's not weird that you want to independent, and seperated from you mom. By your mom forcing herself closing to you, she is actually forcing you further away...

The fact is that some parents are more controlling than others, and you can't do anything to change your mom. She is who she is.

It's expensive to live anywhere, but you gotta do what you gotta do, in order to keep your sanity. Your treating eachother like your 16, not 21. By moving out, you will both learn a lot about yourselves, and your relationship (it only gets better, I know this because I've been there and know exactly how your feeling).

My advice, move out, mature a lot more, and good luck to both of you!

[BlackCelicaGT94]

^ ive moved out before but ended up back home after a few months cuz i wasnt making enough to move out. Its not so cheap to live where i do. about 825 is the cheapest place im going to find thats safe. But i cant move out right now cuz I would need a co-signer cuz of my credit history :-( oopsy! so moving out is not an option right now.

i moved out once before and ended up back home every night cuz im too much of a pansy to be home alone at night. sigh! thanks for the advice yall..guess ill just put up with this till i can move out!

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: Aug 28, 2006 - 12:17 PM

[playr158]

damn 825$ thats freakin cheap!
its about 1100 here cheapest for 1 bedroom apt

[hitcachi]

^ (raises bs flag) Are they like friggin beach condos that have property values through the roof!?! honestly, its not that i dont believe you, its just that here in nebraska..... lol.......... you dont wana know.....

This post has been edited by hitcachi: Aug 28, 2006 - 12:36 PM

[Consynx]

testicals


and Dan lives in NoVA, don't question it

[BlackCelicaGT94]

well 825 is for one that i wouldnt want to live in but would if i had to. 900 is about the cheapest i would go personally. but the one I have dreamt about for 2 years is about 1100.

I think renting is such a waste of money personally so id rather put a downpayment on a Townhome or something.

This post has been edited by BlackCelicaGT94: Aug 28, 2006 - 1:08 PM

[gwai1o]

well 825 is for one that i wouldnt want to live in but would if i had to. 900 is about the cheapest i would go personally. but the one I have dreamt about for 2 years is about 1100.

I think renting is such a waste of money personally so id rather put a downpayment on a Townhome or something.

town home or condo first. sit on it for 2 years then sell it. then find a nice 2+2 rambler...sit on it. sell it. then find a NICE 2+2...sit on it. sell it. then you will be able to afford yourself a nice little house..

[BlackCelicaGT94]

^ i dont want a condo - condo is a nice way to say I own my apartment.

Im already set up to get a house or a big set of money when my parents decide to sell their house.

[gwai1o]

nice. if you have something better avail. to you, take it! I was contemplating buying a "condo" a while back but could not get myself to spend $200k on 700 sq ft of nothing.

Condos used to be condos. nice mini luxury get aways. now investors see an oportunity to rape the poor person and start selling crappy assed renovated apts. and lable them condos...which they are not.

If you know someone that is reliable, a townhome is an excellent idea. you can rent one side to cover a good portion of your mortgage..

That's my plan anyway...when I stop spending money on cars.


...which will be never! hahA!

[playr158]

^ (raises bs flag) Are they like friggin beach condos that have property values through the roof!?! honestly, its not that i dont believe you, its just that here in nebraska..... lol.......... you dont wana know.....

you want to challege that..you live in bum nut compaired to where i live...

http://realestate.yahoo.com/Apartments_for...p;submit=Search

bring it on little boy...these are the easy ones to find not even the nicest


average house STARTS at over 800,000$
my uncle's town home was listed for over 400,000$

This post has been edited by playr158: Aug 28, 2006 - 2:19 PM

[mzztoyota]

If you can't move out, at least keep invovled in life outside of your house. The less your there and the more you associate with the outside world, the more your mom will have to accept that you are an adult and that you are going to leave the nest some day.

You can have a good relationship with her, but she doesn't, and shouldn't have to be your "friend."

Keep up the good vibes as much as you can, try and have a nice, sit-down, no-yelling conversation and ask for some provacy. Ask her if she would treat her sister or her coworkers this way, because you are an adult like them and have the responsibility of choosing what you want to do with yourself.

God, my mom wouldn't even want to know about all of the "adult" or "mature" forums I'm in, and if she found out I was, she'd probably cancel her internet. If you're mom is flippin' over myspace and this forum, she needs a reality check...

like I said, sit down, don't yell, restrain yourself, and politely ask for some space. You don't go through her stuff...why should she go through yours?

[jgreening]

^ (raises bs flag) Are they like friggin beach condos that have property values through the roof!?! honestly, its not that i dont believe you, its just that here in nebraska..... lol.......... you dont wana know.....

you want to challege that..you live in bum nut compaired to where i live...

http://realestate.yahoo.com/Apartments_for...p;submit=Search

bring it on little boy...these are the easy ones to find not even the nicest


average house STARTS at over 800,000$
my uncle's town home was listed for over 400,000$

Do you talk like this in real life too? Read what you wrote and tell me if it sounds like something a little punk would say.

[playr158]

does it matter? its just an online forum
and why should i have to explain/answer to you...oh wait i dont' tear

This post has been edited by playr158: Aug 28, 2006 - 2:59 PM

[BlackCelicaGT94]

The cost of living compared to where i live right now and fairfax isnt much different though

I make roughly 28k and to live the same way i do here id have to only make 1,000 dollars more a year there.

[playr158]

The cost of living compared to where i live right now and fairfax isnt much different though

I make roughly 28k and to live the same way i do here id have to only make 1,000 dollars more a year there.

yea i doubt seattle and fairfax are that far off...still sux though when your trying to move out

[BlackCelicaGT94]

yeah i just cant justify a full paycheck on rent then plus another half for just utilities, cable, food, etc. seems like a waste! :-(

[playr158]

eh i doubt i'll move out until i graduate college, its free, its food, and its really close to campus (for me) so really its a waste to move out when i can save the money to get a town house or something in the future

[saleeka]

Just a little FYI, but townhomes and condo's rarely make good investments... "lifestyle" homes need a buyer with the right kind of lifestyle... I can't name too many people who dream of owning a property with a shared/no outdoor space

[BlackCelicaGT94]

I want to own a townhome so then I can rent it out later down the road. Im not looking to buy one then resell it.

[madmods]

There was once 2 brothers that felt the same way. Heard of the Menendez bros?

[BlackCelicaGT94]

lol i dont hate my mom! I said she makes me want to kill myself not make me want to kill her

[orvillescelica]

ok, im 25 and my sister is 28 and married. We not only live on our own, but both own our own houses, have high paying jobs and our parents live in Chicago and we live out on the west coast ... and guess what? they still try and snoop and inquire about our lives. Of course they can not go to the extremes of checking our rooms and things, but they always offer the advice and tell you what you should do. And do you know why?

because they are your parents!! No matter how old you are or how mature you feel or how successful you may be, your parents are your parents and there is nothing you can do about it. They will always want to be a part of your life and know what is going on in your life. They raised you and took care of you and are now offended that their child (yes! at 12, 21 or 50 you will still be thier child) wants them to leave them alone and cut them out of your life. Its like having a puppy that you raised from birth and loved you and counted on you for food and shleter... and now that that its older, it barks at you all the time and wants to run away. How would you feel?

Moving out will help alieviate things, but will not cure them. Talk to them, tell them what is going on in your life. You dont need tell them everything, but enough to let them know you are doing well. Enough so they dont worry as much. because as parents, they will ALWAYS worry. Include them in your life by asking for advice. Maybe not huge important things, but things in your life. I just asked my mom about home decorating tips. She gave me god awful advice, but at least she now feels i still need her for things and knows about some of whats going on in my life.

[orvillescelica]

Just a little FYI, but townhomes and condo's rarely make good investments... "lifestyle" homes need a buyer with the right kind of lifestyle... I can't name too many people who dream of owning a property with a shared/no outdoor space

I dont know how the market is over there, but here in Seattle condos and townhomes are the fastest selling real estate there is. They are not only "trendy," but space and cost efficient. With very little space in the rapidly growning cities, and the majority of the homes available being built around 1910-1930 (2 bedroom houses going for 500K+) requiring major renovation in many cases, living near the city and owning for a single person or couple means townhouse or condo. And most houses in the seattle area do not have garages (and if they do, usually only a 1 car) or more than a small strip of lawn. A townhome gaurntees you a 1 car garage at least, and condos in the city are walking distance to everything you could want.

[Insanity-74]

Visit England for a few months....spend the time messing around in GT4`s....when you go back shell be so glad to see you, the hastle will stop for a while ...........in all seriousness, adaults will always want there own space....you want your freedom, and your mum wants to maintain control...remember your her little girl and always will be.....its a mum thing....I used to have the worst arguments with my mum when i still lived at home...when i got my own house she cried for a week just about, and now we get on great...not a single cross word in over 8 years now.

[amysmojo]

Ok so I still live at home and have a snoop of a mother. she feels the need to snoop.

I bet she is snooping right nowwwww

[bloodrain]

Just a little FYI, but townhomes and condo's rarely make good investments... "lifestyle" homes need a buyer with the right kind of lifestyle... I can't name too many people who dream of owning a property with a shared/no outdoor space

I dont know how the market is over there, but here in Seattle condos and townhomes are the fastest selling real estate there is. They are not only "trendy," but space and cost efficient. With very little space in the rapidly growning cities, and the majority of the homes available being built around 1910-1930 (2 bedroom houses going for 500K+) requiring major renovation in many cases, living near the city and owning for a single person or couple means townhouse or condo. And most houses in the seattle area do not have garages (and if they do, usually only a 1 car) or more than a small strip of lawn. A townhome gaurntees you a 1 car garage at least, and condos in the city are walking distance to everything you could want.

+1, saying condo's rarely make good investments is just plain stupid. There will always be buyers and sellers. And owning a condo can be as good as good as buying a house, the payments will be alot less, and you can always sell the condo later on and use the money for a downpayment on a house that you didnt have the before.

This post has been edited by bloodrain: Aug 28, 2006 - 6:53 PM

[saleeka]

I guess I live in a vastly diferent housing market here in the twin cities, but i'd say 90% of condos here are priced in the luxury end of the market and rarely have more than one bedroom... Nearly all are downtown loft style, and completly illogical if you plan on having kids (inner city school system, anyone?)... Townhomes are much more prevelent, but the flip side is that the market has become oversaturated with townhomes that cost the equivalant of most lower end suburban 3 bedrooms, so they end up being a complete wash in terms of invesment when it comes time to move up, after you figure the increase in value those housing properties have achieved in the same timeframe... come to think of it, my friend who's family movied to the seattle (belleview? i dont remember the exact suburb's name) bought a house in the upper side of under 1,000,000, and told me their yard was barely 5 feet of grass from the next house on each side, and here that is UNHEARD of, peroid... so I dunno... Keep in mind here in the TC you can live in 3300 finished square feet with a wooded lot in the suburbs for about $410,000... most nice townhomes are in the mid 200's (which buys a very nice starter home closer to the city with at the very least the same square footage)... So I guess the market to be very different... At least here, I know better than to try and turn a profit in a "shared space" property...

[mzztoyota]

1 bedroom apartments here go for $500/mo...

...sure you don't wanna come down? You can work as a car salesperson, or a bartender, or a snorkel tour guide, or or or...

lol

[celicurr]

wow! I wanna go to the caribbean! lol